My BF told me she has no interest in my daughter

That's horrible of her! And I'm saying that as a childfree friend who has never wanted children. Many of my friends are parents, we do stuff with and without the kids. How shitty of her to behave like that towards your DD in her own home. Her upbringing may have given her some serious issues but she is the adult and it's upon her to work that out.

Edited/deleted as posted twice

She may not like your DD , or ANY child but she is a guest in your home and should be respectful while there and that means for your daughter and if she cant or doesnt see why she should then shes out.
Life is not about you pandering to her needs while she is there, that is NOT a friendship and WHY would you allow someone to behave like that towards your daughter .
I hate confrontation but I think Id have to tell her she is just a rude self centered person, she needs to gtow up and that this is the end of the 'friendship'

None of what you say here sounds anywhere near significant enough to justify dancing round the feelings of someone who doesn’t see your daughter as a person I mean, fuck that.

Surely she needs to have it clarified that your daughter will always, always be more important to you than any friend.

This is a weird way for a friend to behave. She sounds jealous and rude.
If she'd said that she really would love more adult time together to talk about adult things, have a drink and relax, I could kind of understand, but that's not what she's saying.

I have no interest in my friend's cat but I'm never rude when she talks about it and shows me photos and wans me to let it sit on my lap.

You don't have to put up with someone like this in your life.

This is really tough when you thought she was such a close friend, but ultimately you are a parent and therefore you will put your child first, above her. She is not remotely obliged to take an interest in your child, but if she can’t understand that your child comes first then she can fuck right off. We’re talking about an adult woman trying to compete with your child for your attention.

I have kids, I have childless friends, they all get it. I love my friends dearly, but I’d walk away from them in a heartbeat if they ever did anything that would negatively affect my child because that’s what you do when you’re a parent.

It’s hard to break up with a close friend, I had to do it a couple of years ago and I’m still processing my feeling over it. I’d send her a message stating very clearly that her attitude towards your child is unacceptable and your friendship cannot continue. Do not engage with her in any way after that. It’s hard but your child comes first and you have to draw that line.

I wouldn’t want someone so rude anywhere my child, so that works out. Just point out that you are being forced to choose and it’s a no-brainer to choose your child. Then block her.

I think I've lost an old friend recently who doesn't like me mentioning my dc. I don't really do much apart from work and family things, due to illness and lack of time. Unfortunately we're not compatible. I'd find it bizarre if she came to my home and expected me to ignore my dc though. That's super weird and self centred.

She’s absolutely wrong to have treated your daughter and yourself this way. I do wonder if she is envious of the freedom your daughter has to be exactly who she is and to be a loved and wanted child and sees her as a threat to what she was as a child (unwanted by the sound of it) and is trying to stop a rejection / secure her space from you by demanding your attention away from your DD. It’s wrong and messed up but clearly your friend needs to work through some more things with a professional. Whether you want to help her with that is up to you - I don’t know if I’d be able to be that generous in your shoes.

This is awful. If she were a real friend she shouldn't put you in this position where she is trying to force you to choose her happiness over and above your DD. She should be secure enough as an adult to get that your DD is a bigger part of your life than she is and she should have an interest in someone that is such a huge part of your life. She sounds massively insecure and needy and wrapped up in herself. The whole you must pay all your attention to me thing? In an adult that's just plain weird. Personally I wouldn't want anything to do with her after she's behaved like that. Maybe the friendship has run its course?

Your friend is an arsehole.

Stand up for your daughter and tell your friend to fuck off.

What? Your friend is complaining about you not paying her enough attention, and thinks you should prioritise her over your own child?

She is no friend of yours and doesn't quite know how healthy, respectful friendships work. She doesn't see you as a friend, more as a servant. She resents your child and sees her as a threat, as she can no longer monopolise your time and attention. She's very immature and pathetic to be competing with your child.

I'd drop her and let the friendship drift.

Alright guys, chill your boots!
Is it only my 11 year old that can join in an adult conversation…?!
anyways, my point is, it’s hardly like trying to deal with a tantrumming toddler, which I could understand .
It is a bit strange to be so offended by an older child joining a chat, especially when it’s your best friends child, and especially when you’ve had hours alone each day and each evening.
So I’m wondering what the backstory is..? That’s all.
And it sounds like she does have some trauma going back to her Grandma…

Your child is a person and anyone who treats a person like she treats your DD is really not worth being friends with. If she treated another (grown up) friend of yours like that, talking over her and everything I bet you'd bin her off. Well, you have to do the same now.

Time to let her go and I wouldn’t hold back on telling her exactly why. What would she like you to do lock your daughter away while she’s visiting.

I have several female friends who have not been able to have their own children, for many reasons. One is extraordinarly kind compassionate loving. Another refused to meet me with DC ever. Both were friends. The latter i am now tentatively trying to meet up with now DC are adults. The 1st we have all seen and met up with many times. But are either of these more important friends than those who totally dropped away after divorce, change of location, etc? All of these female friends, despite their flaws are so much better than my male, mostly gay, friends who shrug and move on with conversation. That was not good in dark times.

She’s a brat. No need to be rude to anyone let alone your daughter. Pathetic woman.

I dropped a friend in similar circumstances. She also had various ‘issues’ & became controlling around our friendship.

I hadn’t known her for as long as you’ve known your friend, but I’ve never regretted it. My children were very young at the time, but I could see how things were shaping up. So it was an easy decision.

Your friend sounds awful. Your family and child are part of you. 11 year olds are interesting, and even if not, surely you just pretend they are for the sake of friendship?
I'd explain that my child is more important than her to you. Of course! Or just be busy, if she is unstable.

Aw my 11 year old is interesting although I do have to meet her on her bubble tea, New Look and capybaras level most of the time.

I enjoy her chat. She’s an obsessive reader and we talk about books a lot. She enjoys a wander round the shops. She gives her opinions on stuff. She tells me about school and her friends and her worries and her news. And she’s so funny! She’s a lot quicker than me.

She’s a real person with her own wee life. It’s a lovely stage (although the mood swings are a bit nuts at times…)

Are they? The 11-year-olds I know talk about anime and horses. None of it is interesting to me.

OP's friend is still very unreasonable.