Page 15 | Comments because I don’t drive

Original poster

Waolom · 15/09/2025 12:45

PinkFlloyd · 15/09/2025 09:16

I assume you live in a city with great links. I have a friend who could and would have written your post, except she's wrong. Just last week she had a very early hospital appointment in a city an hour away. She said she couldn't get there for 7.30 am using public transport on the day of the appointment, which was true.
She asked and I took her. She didn't offer any petrol money and even bought herself a coffee in the Costa in the hospital and didn't offer to buy mine. I won't take her again.
The reality is she could have gone the day before and booked a hotel room or paid for a cab on the day. She doesn't need lifts day to day, but she does ask when she feels the need, even if it is rare.
Most people would rather not have the cost of running a car. It is so much more expensive than buying the car, fuel and insurance. I use my car only around once a week (I also let DD drive it). I genuinely don't ask anyone for a lift. You're the first non-driver I've heard of that has never ever been helped by someone who drives, although plenty of people say it.

So she manages absolute fine for the rest of her life but you believe this one example of her needing a lift would justify the cost to learn to drive, tests, buying a car, insurance and petrol?

OP posts:

phoenixrosehere · 15/09/2025 12:45

TeenLifeMum · 15/09/2025 12:42

Not driving is massively limiting even if you live in London. I wouldn’t drive in London but just read threads on this site daily where op has an issue and it later transpires they can’t drive and it’s clear the issue could be resolved if they could just jump in their car.

my df has a brain tumour and can’t drive - it’s a massive pain. Saying it’s not limiting is either naïve or something to make non drivers feel better.

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Or maybe what you view as limiting and what they view is limiting is different.

ishimbob · 15/09/2025 12:43

TeenLifeMum · 15/09/2025 12:42

Not driving is massively limiting even if you live in London. I wouldn’t drive in London but just read threads on this site daily where op has an issue and it later transpires they can’t drive and it’s clear the issue could be resolved if they could just jump in their car.

my df has a brain tumour and can’t drive - it’s a massive pain. Saying it’s not limiting is either naïve or something to make non drivers feel better.

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You know what I find massively limiting? Living very rurally and being car dependent

So many threads which amount to "I live in the arse end of nowhere and there are no jobs and no childcare and I have to drive my kids everywhere"

Because I live in London - I can jump in a car anytime I like even without owning one..

Original poster

Waolom · 15/09/2025 12:42

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 15/09/2025 08:59

I get it from your POV. However, when you nee time off work for appointments you'll likely need double tge time that a driver would need so you can relax on public transport rather than taking a taxi to minimise time off work.

Edited

If I’m taking time off work to go to a doctors appointment and need more time then so what?

OP posts:

TeenLifeMum · 15/09/2025 12:42

Idontpostmuch · 15/09/2025 12:22

But there are concerns about old people driving - new laws now. Clearly they're expected to manage without driving. And there are many MN posts re slow drivers who shouldn't be driving. You can't have it both ways. @BMW6 is right. Not driving isn't limiting.

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Not driving is massively limiting even if you live in London. I wouldn’t drive in London but just read threads on this site daily where op has an issue and it later transpires they can’t drive and it’s clear the issue could be resolved if they could just jump in their car.

my df has a brain tumour and can’t drive - it’s a massive pain. Saying it’s not limiting is either naïve or something to make non drivers feel better.

whitewineandsun · 15/09/2025 12:38

Idontpostmuch · 15/09/2025 12:36

In any case, who wants to drive to a wedding. You can't have a glass of fizz. Pre book a taxi. Even for long distance much cheaper than running a car unless you go to a LOT of weddings.

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Exactly!

whitewineandsun · 15/09/2025 12:37

ChocolateCinderToffee · 15/09/2025 12:12

FFS. You arrange your life differently! You go to the gym in your lunch break or after work or not at all because you don’t need it. You phone round the pharmacies to see which has your meds or pick them up the next day from a convenient one. You get stuff delivered and even if you have to pay, it’s cheaper than running a car.

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So many drivers can't seem to understand this.

Idontpostmuch · 15/09/2025 12:36

Waolom · 15/09/2025 12:29

Out of interest, what about occasions such as weddings, where the location isn’t accessible except by private transport? How do you manage those?

Nobody I know is affording a wedding in a location like that so I’ve no concern there.

In any case, who wants to drive to a wedding. You can't have a glass of fizz. Pre book a taxi. Even for long distance much cheaper than running a car unless you go to a LOT of weddings.

Idontpostmuch · 15/09/2025 12:33

IndigoBluey · 14/09/2025 21:01

Why can’t you drive? It’s a good skill to have. It might suit you right now, not needing to drive, if you have good transport links where you live however have you considered what will happen with age or any type of debilitation? You might not rely on others for now but life doesn’t always pan out how we plan and you might well be grateful to other drivers if you need a lift to the doctor or shops for some food.

Where have you been? You must know there's a move to get older drivers off the roads, not always fairly. Age is a reason for some drivers to stop, not depend on driving. As for debility, you have to be sound in mind and body to drive.

Original poster

Waolom · 15/09/2025 12:29

Out of interest, what about occasions such as weddings, where the location isn’t accessible except by private transport? How do you manage those?

Nobody I know is affording a wedding in a location like that so I’ve no concern there.

OP posts:

Idontpostmuch · 15/09/2025 12:29

Waolom · 14/09/2025 20:58

You have limited yourself to never move somewhere without such infrastructure. It also impacts your ability to travel. This is a fairly significant life choice. It’s fine, people make life choices all the time. It’s just not one most people have an easy time understanding.

I managed a lovely day trip to a Yorkshire town this summer with buses and trains with my friend who also doesn’t drive. It didn’t limit us at all, we just had to put 5 minutes into searching routes and coped absolutely fine. You’d think everyone was wandering around lost before modern women had cars 😂

@Waolom You talk such a lot of sense.

Idontpostmuch · 15/09/2025 12:28

Waolom · 14/09/2025 21:01

The recent thing that prompted this thread was a friend asked a favour for childcare which involved dropping her LO to nursery “5 minute drive away” and was put out that I reminded her I’d be happy to push a pram to but don’t drive which she didn’t think was okay.

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Wtf? Why wouldn't she let you take child by pram?

Middlechild3 · 15/09/2025 12:25

Waolom · 14/09/2025 18:40

I’m 28. I don’t drive. I have no children. I do not mind the fact that I can’t drive one single bit. I enjoy sitting on public transport and switching off, listening to my music, I never ask anyone for a lift or to take me xyz place. In short, my inability to drive affects absolutely nobody but myself and I’m happy.

So why on earth do (some) drivers make it such a big deal and make comments when people can’t drive? I don’t ever ask for lifts so it just frustrates me when people comment on it as if I’m putting them out. I’m not.
AIBU to be fed up of these comments?

Do you accept lifts when offered, after gently mentioning that you have to get 3 buses and won't be home until next week?

Idontpostmuch · 15/09/2025 12:22

BMW6 · 14/09/2025 22:15

Not driving is really NOT "hugely limiting" - unless you have chosen to live somewhere with limited public transport which would be a really stupid thing to do!

What do drivers do when they can no longer drive? Die? Never leave their home again?

But there are concerns about old people driving - new laws now. Clearly they're expected to manage without driving. And there are many MN posts re slow drivers who shouldn't be driving. You can't have it both ways. @BMW6 is right. Not driving isn't limiting.

RealReginaPhalange · 15/09/2025 12:18

Honestly i don’t understand why you don’t want a driving licence, it is useful, if not now it might be at some point and then you will be stuck, you wont do it within week or two. But on tye other hand, i couldnt care less since its not affecting me and i wouldnt comment on it

Idontpostmuch · 15/09/2025 12:15

TeenLifeMum · 14/09/2025 22:13

Good luck getting one in South Somerset or north Dorset. They all closed during Covid and no, we don’t have uber. So many people call 999 expecting an ambulance because they can’t drive.

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But many people can't afford cars.

Idontpostmuch · 15/09/2025 12:13

Waolom · 14/09/2025 20:55

I don’t do anything that would require one. If I meet with friends we go into the city centre for a drink so nobody is driving anyway

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@Waolom Very strange remark that @Ddakji made. Occasionally if I've walked, people try to press lifts onto me. I never want them, but have very occasionally accepted out of politeness. Just now had amusing thought that they're probably suspecting me of leaving our car at home to save money in the hope of getting lift 😄

ChocolateCinderToffee · 15/09/2025 12:12

RhaenysRocks · 15/09/2025 06:54

To the non drivers..can I ask how you manage your life so that you can go to the gym before work on an industrial estate, go up B&Q and get X bulky item, use your lunch hour to pick up a prescription from CAMHS (you have to go.in person) and take it to several pharmacies until you find one that has stock, take child a to football and child b to rugby twenty minutes drive apart, get to the other side of town after work before shop closes at 6?

I'm not being snarky but that's typical day for me that would be impossible without a car. Everything is within three miles but it would take far too long to walk or even cycle to get it all done. I can only assume that you just don't organise things so only one child does a hobby that day, get things delivered or something but CAMHS isn't open on weekends. Obviously that's just one example but I really can't see how my life would "work" without major infrastructure changes from scratch.

FFS. You arrange your life differently! You go to the gym in your lunch break or after work or not at all because you don’t need it. You phone round the pharmacies to see which has your meds or pick them up the next day from a convenient one. You get stuff delivered and even if you have to pay, it’s cheaper than running a car.

Morereadingthanposting · 15/09/2025 12:04

Surprised by the number of tip run questions, how often are you all going to the tip!!

Idontpostmuch · 15/09/2025 12:03

AgentJohnson · 14/09/2025 20:21

You have limited yourself to never move somewhere without such infrastructure. It also impacts your ability to travel. This is a fairly significant life choice. It’s fine, people make life choices all the time. It’s just not one most people have an easy time understanding.

What tosh.

I’ve never really understand the obsession with driving. I live in a major city with excellent public transport and have no intention of living anywhere that didn’t. Cars are hideously expensive to own and run, I can always Uber when public transport is inconvenient. As for driving limiting me, I have travelled three continents and live in the Netherlands, where the average person has two bikes.

I agree - complete tosh.

Idontpostmuch · 15/09/2025 12:01

Bababear987 · 14/09/2025 19:21

I find it weird that someone wouldnt want to learn to drive, to me it's a life skill and rite of passage. Without it are so much more dependent on others, even if you're using public transport. You must live somewhere with amazing travel links but when you dont drive you just have to plan everything so much more and journeys take so much longer and you dont have the same freedom.

I hardly ever bother to drive and I have as much freedom as people who drive everywhere.

Idontpostmuch · 15/09/2025 11:58

Hubblebubble · 14/09/2025 19:11

Speaking as an older learner, I'd recommend learning before you have a child. It's 100% scarier learning to drive knowing that once you pass you're a shiny new driver who may make mistakes with your precious child in the back.

But the OP might not have any intention of having a child. And children are allowed on buses, on bike seats and in pushchairs. Although I passed my test 5 yrs before birth of first child, I've hardly ever driven them anywhere. They walked to their swimming lessons and got healthy exercise while some mollycoddled children were driven there by parents made fractious by heavy traffic.

InMySpareTime · 15/09/2025 11:52

I’m amused at the juxtaposition between the idea that almost everyone drives (ie it’s weird not to) and yet all drivers are constantly plagued with lift requests from non drivers. If there were so very few of us you’d hardly ever be asked, especially as most journeys taken by non drivers are by means other than lifts (PT, walking, cycling, taxis).

ishimbob · 15/09/2025 11:48

I think another aspect of the lifestyle thing is how much time you have generally - one poster talked about driving giving them freedom to choose further away schools etc, similarly all these trips to Homebase, the tip etc

To be honest, even if we did have a car, I wouldn't be driving my kids to school every day because I work - my kids need to be able to walk, cycle or use public transport to school either way. Similarly - even if I had a car, I don't have time to do the big shop or be going to the tip, I would always be getting stuff delivery/picked up

CicerosHead · 15/09/2025 11:43

I don't drive by choice. I don't find it 'hugely limiting', it's other way around, in fact.

I'm a city person and rather kill myself than live somewhere in a small village. I'm 100% not a nature person, so 'long scenic walks' in the middle of nowhere is as interesting to me as poking needles through my fanny. Everything I want/need is on my doorstep, all the cultural points, shops, pubs, etc. If slightly futher, it's easily reachable by public transport, an airport is less than an hour away, etc.

So mostly I walk and if I need to go further, I take a bus/tube/uber. I get out of it and forget about it. No need to find parking, to pay for parking, bother about MOT, pay insurance, for petrol, find a place to live with a parking space, pray that your car won't break down and you have to pay for repairs, if you go to the airport, pay for the long term parking (or what's it called). If you go somewhere and decide to have an impromptu drink, the car is also a problem. Without it, you just think where you need to be, take a tube/uber, go there and forget about the journey. I view owning a car as a millstone around my neck, one more thing that needs to be serviced, a money pit.

I travel a lot. No intention to travel around UK, nothing to see, but I've been all over Europe, parts of Africa, Asia, to Japan, both Americas, Cuba, Canada, Russia (pre war), just not Australia yet. Never thouhgt not driving must stop me somehow.