AIBU to think a big reason to birth rate is falling is because mothers are made to feel they must do more for their children than in previous times?

My mum wasn’t fed properly as a child.

I’d hope all children are fed properly. I don’t think that’s a high bar.

There are SO many thanks we get asked to go to. ‘Stay and Plays’ (watching your child in their classroom), Autumn assemblys, nativity plays, volunteering for school trips, walk to the library days, sports days, parents evenings. We even had a ‘Look Book’ event - come and take a look at your child’s work books.

This is all before after school things!

Women finally have options. Birth control, abortion, sterilization. Plus careers & autonomy, including financial independence. Which is why regressive countries/regimes have returned/are attempting to return to ‘the good old days’ of controlling women via forced procreation and other dystopian measures. It’s very concerning.

I disagree- I am a grandmother and I work 4am till 8.30 am so I can help everyday with the school runs and look after my 3 grandchildren everyday all day during school holidays as their parents have to work to keep a roof over their heads

It’s the cost. Everything is more expensive, particularly childcare. We couldn’t afford another one.

Grandparents are working longer in life, so less support (generalisation here) too.

I think another feature of the 80s was that you tended to just go to the closest school. There was no discussion over whether it was “good” or not. And most schools were fairly decent because you didn’t have all the middle class parents clumping together in one or two chosen ones.

Seems the people that say they " can't afford " kids are the ones that are generally doing OK. They just want a certain lifestyle

Strangely enough it's not generally heard said by the very poorest

I think schools expecting so much of parents is part of it. Dealing with school stuff felt like another part time job on top of general parenting, household chores and paid work. And because so much more is expected at home it actually leads to more inequality.

I think school should be for school and home for home life.

What once was could be again. It would require large cultural change though..

society is far more judgmental though, if your kids is playing out or playing unsupervised and something happens people will blame the parents. What was acceptable parenting when I was young would now border on neglect safeguarding wise.

I think it's because women have realised they don't have to have children at all if they don't want to. They no longer feel bound by the social expectation to have a family, have realised no you can't have it all, no longer wish to parent and work full time and take on a shit load of women's work. Good for them. I do also think the expense of raising children, housing and general living is probably also affecting things.

I cant afford more. I would have loved a bigger family but I have no help & I cant afford to pay any more childcare fees. I need to work. I would have been a great mum to more kids & I feel sad that my time of having little kids at home essentially over at the age of 35 ( my dd is 12 so no more magic of santa etc) but I genuinely couldnt afford it. I cant afford to buy a home either. Life is so different now. I unfortunately dont have any living parents and have no 'village'. All childcare was outsourced and expensive. Fairly unusual a couple of decades ago I would imagine.

I agree with this. Women are making different choices for themselves because it's easier to do so now. More education, financial independence etc to do what they want now not what they should.

My two SIL are child free and have great jobs, hobbies, lovely homes, loads of holidays. I can totally see the appeal of remaining child free.

Also ££££. It's so hideously expensive to pay for child care

But it can be . No one says parents have to buy into doing all this stuff

You talk about children of the 60s and 70s.

Amd forget that those children were born before the pill became available.

What the pill has done is given women choice and choice is always difficult. For starters women now get to choose when to have kids and that gap is much smaller when you're expected to do uni and then work a bit before starting a family at about 28. That's 10 years less than before and 10 years older in terms of energy.and 10 years further into starting to build.a nice lifestyle that's about to be disrupted, and 10 years later in terms of great fertility.

I'm not saying that the old days were better just that lack of choice brings its own momentum.

Also when you choose, you probably choose to have fewer, and feel you owe them more by virtue of that choice.

Plus, as PP have said, it's all damn expensive now. Workforce doubled when women all started working (full time professional careers) and I'm guessing that increased supply of people has depressed wages and hiked house prices somewhat in comparison.

How?

Yes, absolutely.
Plus - more pressure to breastfeed - social pressure if not from NCT groups, midwifes etc.
Social stigma against sleep training - leaving some mothers or couple tortured for lack of sleep.

This + life is so much more interesting and exciting now for a lot of people (travel, hobbies, exercise & fitness, etc), making it harder to sacrifice for the drudgery of child rearing. Luckily there is a biological urge in some to procreate, which means that the human race isn’t in danger of dying out.

We also aren't a country that has invested in the young so young people growing up are aware of this.

I honestly think it's mainly down to finances. I've never heard anyone say 'nah we've decided not to have any more because of societal expectations' but have heard plenty of people say it's because they can't afford the maternity leave and childcare costs. That's certainly why I've stopped at one. I'd love another. I'm very upset about it.

But it's also financially crippling

Because it’s too expensive and the world is a shitty place now