AIBU to think a big reason to birth rate is falling is because mothers are made to feel they must do more for their children than in previous times?

I'm quite aware of that stuff, but it's been the case for years .

I'm early 50s so same age as many of the parents here with primary school age kids

The money and support is likely to be a big factor, it’s why I didn’t have any more. Mainly down to the lack of support.

Well you didn't have a day of work first if you were there at 3.15pm.

Why would you assume that?

I don't think that it's the only factor but it's a big one. Some of the parenting things I've bought into (rightly or wrongly, I don't even know anymore) wouldn't be possible for us to do with a big family.

2 daughters in their 30s . One with a primary aged child, the other will a college aged one and a nursery one.

Both working full time

So i get pretty up to date info I'd say

@Thechaseison71 well are old are you?

wages have stagnated, jobs are more competitive, house prices are more expensive. You don't have to believe that 🤷🏻‍♀️

Well you didn't have a day of work first if you were there at 3.15pm.

What would've happened if you had said no? Doubt you'd be arrested or kid thrown out of svhool

I don't think so. I'm in Finland where there isn't the same kind of pressure on parents, here children are more independent much younger (walking to school alone starts in 1st grade - the school run is just not a thing here), you don't have to turn up to a million things in primary school, just two parents evenings a year, children play out still (my 7 year old has been playing out half the day) and things like that but our birth rate is even lower than in the UK.

I think I'd say if forced to reach a single reason, which is almost certainly a massive oversimplification by me, that society runs in a way that means women tend to reach the age of having kids quite a bit later than they used to, by which point we're better able to know our own minds and advocate for our own choices.

I definitely do think all aspects of life now including raising kids is so so so much harder and more over engineered than it used to be. I think life is better when it's not too rigorously controlled but where's the balance.

Are you suggesting I'm old lol?

I have a 7 year old DGC. His mother doesn't buy into the "need to do everything "camp either

He's expected to help out in the house, doesn't get loads of paid clubs that needs carting to

Dd doesn't devote her whole non working life around him, she has a lifeaalso

I opted to have a baby before properly establishing my career because I have PCOS. I didn’t want the option taken away from me if my condition worsened. I’ve taken two years away from work, I’d just finished a masters when I gave birth. I’ve started searching for entry level roles and employers seem to think I’m some kind of unemployable vicky pollard character. Now feel like it’ll be years until I scrape something reasonable out of employment (not to mention most of it going on childcare), all because I dared to have a child under 30. My situation would be totally untenable if not for wealthy husband, which is monstrously unfair. My childless peers are all light years ahead of me career wise but are so petrified of falling behind they’re talking about freezing eggs.

I think this all broadly relates to the higher financial expectations, I think in that sense you’re absolutely right. I don’t think childless people take much notice of all the rest of the guilt tripping mum bullying stuff. Although it does put me off having more I suppose.

Probably all downstream of the housing crisis, most things are.

This year we are responsible to plan a parent teaching day. The teachers won't be a the school but on a training day somewhere.
Parents are expected to take over the whole day 9am-3.30pm.

Yesterday we were expected to join the school's anniversary from 03.30 to 7.15 pm.
Kids had fun. We had a day of work first. Oh, and we had to bring a homemade cake for a class to sell for charity.

It never stops.

We renovated an ex council house whereas they are looking at new builds or not what I would call" first time homes".

whereas most people I know having dc are older and moving frequently is expensive so often have different needs so couples buying in their early 20s

We ran 1 car despite us both working whereas they run 2.

The only families I know with 2 cars need them to facilitate 2 working parents with commutes.

We bought lots of furniture, clothes, uniform etc secondhand but they don't think about this.

Who is buying all the stuff from charity shops, eBay, Vinted? I have lots of 2nd hand uniform.

I agree OP that what’ve you said is a part. Children aren’t allowed their independence like they were and so parents are expected to spend a lot more time with them. It does make it more tiring.

Money obviously is an issue but the birth rate in countries with much better provisions and support doesn’t change much so I’m not sure it will make much of a difference.

Childcare costs certainly are eye watering and fewer parents live near to grandparents to help with childcare. However, I also think modern parents are more materialistic than previous generations and have different views on essentials and luxuries.
My grown up family say they can't afford children but they are not prepared to make some of the compromises myself and my husband made.
We renovated an ex council house whereas they are looking at new builds or not what I would call" first time homes".
We ran 1 car despite us both working whereas they run 2.
We had 2 " abroad" holidays in 20 years to save money and avoid taking the children out of school, whereas they go abroad regularly.
We bought lots of furniture, clothes, uniform etc secondhand but they don't think about this.
I think children can be affordable but you have to decide what your priorities are.

Every time I hear someone talking about kids it’s in a ‘who’d go through that?’ way or ‘why would you?’ I think women just see mums as being wrecked and miserable and that’s it!

It is an illusion not to support the school and it's activities in 2025. It will put the children at a disadvantage in the school community and their friends. The same with the out of school interests.Do you have children yourself and a modern family life since you can so easily assess what the solutions are?

Could it possibly be because women don’t want to have “more children”?

No, I think there are two primary reasons women are having fewer kids:

1. Choice. Until about 20-30 years ago it was something you did more or less by default and in some socioeconomic contexts it was more or less the only real opportunity. Not every woman wants children but historically a lot ended up doing it just because it was what you did. Thankfully there are far more options open to women today and a lot of women are realising the opportunity cost of having children and saying no thanks.
2. Money. It’s bloody expensive and if you want to keep working (which many women do), the cost of childcare is considerable.

The factors you mention may make a difference to some but are fairly marginal.

Well it's not compulsory.

Teachers should know that anyway, after all they cant go leaving work to watch their own kids doing such stuff

It would not surprise me, at all.
I'm Gen X, had my girl in my very early twenties and enjoyed far less intense " parenting" and benefitted from the lack of wholesale internet access.
Thus I was far more confident in the choices that I made as a parent without having easy access to " comparison is the thief of joy" narratives from other parents on the internet.
Furthermore, middle class, often partly outsourced, very liberal notions of parenting were not Carte Blanche " word" back in the 90s and the adult and child world demarcation was far more obvious and policed than the culture that we have today.
Which made parenting far easier as to what is what. No babysitter? Then no, you cannot take your arse to the pub. Child hasn't got any self control or situational awareness? No, he/ she cannot be taken to the restaurant.
Kid acting a fool in public and a non parent adult chastises him/ her verbally?
The parent would expect an earful if they got shirts with the chastiser.

And the notion that every child should be the centre of everybody's world was allowed to be laughed at , openly.

The notion that one is but an atom amongst trillions seemingly is not allowed to be imprinted in a child , just in case that truth " stunts" them.
And perspective is abuse to too many.
That and the fact that money is far more expensive now than at any time in my life ( at least in the 70s, oxtail, pig tail, lamb neck, cow tongue , etc was CHEAP) I would not be a new parent now in the First world Anglosphere. Not at all.

What's wrong with breastfeeding?!

I think we can over romanticise the past to be honest. The only thing I'd like back is affordable housing and the option of a parent (not necessarily the mother) being able to be at home more. That might make people want more kids.

On the other hand a fair few of my female friends have decided its not for them and that's great. I think it's a good thing it's not the default any more.

No one says parents have to buy into doing all this stuff

Most young people are very aware of how difficult it is to get a stable job, afford a house now so feel they have to really invest in their dc.