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AIBU?

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AIBU not letting my friend stay over

34 replies

Silentwhisper93 · 07/09/2025 19:52

Hi all. I’m a mum to one in my late twenties. My best friend is similar age and no children. My friend lived with her ex for a while but now lives with a friend who she help care for her and her children, she currently sleeps on the sofa. But in all fairness she doesn’t do anything to change her circumstances. Anyway, she’s always asking to stay at my house. I hate people sleeping at my house and I hate staying at others. When my little one goes to bed and after work me and my partner just like to relax and do our own thing. Sometimes I give in and let her stay and she stays on the sofa but we both are up early for work and when our dc wakes up I don’t feel like I can walk around freely. We’re going to an event one night and I’ll be child free so after this I just want to go home and relax in my own company in silence 😂 but she’s asked to stay and I feel like I’ve exhausted all my excuses. I do admit I am a people pleaser and don’t want to hurt her feelings. Am I being unreasonable not letting her stay? And what should I say to her?

OP posts:
GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 07/09/2025 20:07

Can you not say “I just don’t like anyone staying over, it’s nothing personal. That particular night I especially want to be alone as it’s a rare childfree night.”

Createausername1970 · 07/09/2025 20:07

"It's not convenient" is all you need to say.

You don't have to keep coming up with excuses.

FeedingPidgeons · 07/09/2025 20:07

Stop giving reasons / excuses. "I dont feel like it, maybe another time"

Hankunamatata · 07/09/2025 20:04

You dont need excuses

Prepare a phrase and stick with it. Keep repeating every time she asks

Aligirlbear · 07/09/2025 20:02

No can be a complete sentence, you don’t need to explain why you want to relax in your own home with your own company. I suspect she is pushing because the friend she is currently sofa surfing with wants some alone time but that’s not your problem, stick to your guns.

Leoislazy · 07/09/2025 20:00

Just say no. If she persists say no, it doesn’t work for me. After that you just repeat as the pp said: I’ve told you no. End of.

outerspacepotato · 07/09/2025 19:58

Nope. You need some alone time after the event.

Tell her that doesn't work for you. If she pushes, just say I already said no.

You don't have to explain.

She could be looking for a new place to sleep.

Childanddogmama · 07/09/2025 19:57

You are not being unreasonable in not wanting her to stay. If your excuses haven't worked you might have to be a bit more direct ( I would find this tricky)

Silentwhisper93 · 07/09/2025 19:54

I hope I don’t sound like a terrible friend but at the end of the day I’m exhausted and need to wind down

OP posts:
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