Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU not letting my friend stay over

34 replies

Silentwhisper93 · 07/09/2025 19:52

Hi all. I’m a mum to one in my late twenties. My best friend is similar age and no children. My friend lived with her ex for a while but now lives with a friend who she help care for her and her children, she currently sleeps on the sofa. But in all fairness she doesn’t do anything to change her circumstances. Anyway, she’s always asking to stay at my house. I hate people sleeping at my house and I hate staying at others. When my little one goes to bed and after work me and my partner just like to relax and do our own thing. Sometimes I give in and let her stay and she stays on the sofa but we both are up early for work and when our dc wakes up I don’t feel like I can walk around freely. We’re going to an event one night and I’ll be child free so after this I just want to go home and relax in my own company in silence 😂 but she’s asked to stay and I feel like I’ve exhausted all my excuses. I do admit I am a people pleaser and don’t want to hurt her feelings. Am I being unreasonable not letting her stay? And what should I say to her?

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Darragon · 14/08/2026 15:48

DraigCymraeg · 13/08/2026 15:16

It sounds to me the 'Cheeky Friend' is trying to engineer staying longer term.
Why is she not looking for her own home?

Maybe she is a year later????? 😵‍💫

DraigCymraeg · 13/08/2026 15:16

Rightandwrong · 07/09/2025 20:29

I think she is very cheeky asking to stay over at your house tbh.

And if she is cheeky enough to ask then I don't see why you have yto give excuses: just tell her the truth that it's not personal but you value your own private space.

Obviously occasions may arise where it would be unreasonable for her not to stay but it should be down to you to offer and not her to ask.

It sounds to me the 'Cheeky Friend' is trying to engineer staying longer term.
Why is she not looking for her own home?

Cherrysoup · 30/03/2026 17:45

Silentwhisper93 · 30/03/2026 16:23

Hi all I wrote this quite a while ago but I ended up saying no wnd still do when she asked. Also she’s still not found a place to live and doesn’t do anything about it unfortunately!

Good for you! I’m a people pleaser too, but I hate people staying so I’d be tempted to always say no too!

Silverbirchleaf · 30/03/2026 17:42

Well done on staying firm and not letting her stay.

Also, it’s six months since you first posted, and she’s still sofa surfing…

Silentwhisper93 · 30/03/2026 16:23

Hi all I wrote this quite a while ago but I ended up saying no wnd still do when she asked. Also she’s still not found a place to live and doesn’t do anything about it unfortunately!

OP posts:
tilypu · 30/03/2026 13:58

I was never good at saying no. I'm much better now I'm older - but I get it, op.

I would have probably said something that would suggest you were looking forward to some adult alone time with your child free night

CalmTheFuckDownMargaret · 30/03/2026 13:52

Tell her you don’t find it relaxing having people stay over and it’s so unenjoyable that you’re not doing it.

Oopsiedays · 30/03/2026 12:36

As a reformed people pleaser, I would advise you to please try to say no and don’t offer any reason. You don’t owe any explanation- it could just be ‘no’ cos you like watching tv naked. She’s unreasonable to ask you to disrupt your child’s peace and routine and potentially risk your own relationship

disturbia · 08/09/2025 18:44

Why doesn't your friend find her own place to live?

Pancakeflipper · 08/09/2025 10:19

A "oh sorry, cant... anyway how's it going at 's home at the moment,?"

You don't need an excuse. It is your home.

And I'm all for kindness, and you have let her stay previous times.

The13thFairy · 08/09/2025 10:14

Never offer someone a bed for the night if they don't already have their own.

ComfortFoodCafe · 07/09/2025 21:41

Silentwhisper93 · 07/09/2025 20:26

She does know I hate people staying but she thinks because we are close she’s the exception! I’m looking forward to sitting on my sofa with a tea I can drink hot and watching my trash the morning after 😂😂

Just say exactly that. Her friend is obviously getting pissed off with her staying there, why is she spending money she cant afford rather finding somewhere to live?

hellohellooo · 07/09/2025 21:36

Put it simply

Sorry doesn't work

I have a friend hoping to stay in Oct and I'm so worried about how to turn her turn

Last time I caved and paid for a hotel for her for three nights
My house was a mess
She is judgmental

She hates tvs
My anxiety is through the rough worrying about what she will say

But today I just thought fck it

It doesn't suit

See you soon

This is the message o will be sending
I have hosted her maybe 6 times and now
I have no more guilt

StewkeyBlue · 07/09/2025 21:35

I think you need to be straight with her.

”Friend, you know what I’m like about people staying and I hate to keep putting you off. The truth is I think you need to find some comfortable permanent place to live for your own security, and I don’t feel obliged to have you stay at ours when I don’t really have space. You know I will always be there for you in a crisis and it’s not personal. It just doesn’t work with early morning work, the baby etc”

She needs to take her life into her own hands instead of relying on friends.

Silverbirchleaf · 07/09/2025 21:20

Just stick to your guns, and say no. It’s cheeky for her to ask, and don’t worry about her feelings.

What is she going to sort herself out. She can’t sofa surf forever. I wonder if the other friend is getting fed up of her crashing as well. Maybe every time she asks, reply with a question. Ie,

friend ‘hi can I crash at your place Tuesday night?’
sikentwhisp ‘how are your plans going in finding somewhere to live yet?’ Etc

IHateSundaysTooMuch · 07/09/2025 21:19

its a child free night, how cheeky of her to ask to stay. Im a people pleaser and even Id have not problem saying no to this. Also, once you say no it will be easier next time....

AbzMoz · 07/09/2025 21:13

I don’t think you make a specific excuse/reason as there will always be a next time…

Hysterectomynext · 07/09/2025 21:09

Stick to your guns. You’ll feel so much better after you have done this. You deserve your own space. Be straightforward with it.

rainbowsandraspberrygin · 07/09/2025 21:03

Silentwhisper93 · 07/09/2025 20:26

She does know I hate people staying but she thinks because we are close she’s the exception! I’m looking forward to sitting on my sofa with a tea I can drink hot and watching my trash the morning after 😂😂

Just say that!! Say you really need this one child free night/morning.

ohdearmemummy · 07/09/2025 20:32

I’d say ‘ my partner has asked me to make sure we are alone.
also Send her links to spare room . Com or rentals ..

bitterexwife · 07/09/2025 20:31

Who’s crash someone’s child free night!

id say “sorry no, me and husband haven’t had a date night in ages”

Rightandwrong · 07/09/2025 20:29

I think she is very cheeky asking to stay over at your house tbh.

And if she is cheeky enough to ask then I don't see why you have yto give excuses: just tell her the truth that it's not personal but you value your own private space.

Obviously occasions may arise where it would be unreasonable for her not to stay but it should be down to you to offer and not her to ask.

Silentwhisper93 · 07/09/2025 20:26

She does know I hate people staying but she thinks because we are close she’s the exception! I’m looking forward to sitting on my sofa with a tea I can drink hot and watching my trash the morning after 😂😂

OP posts:
FairFuming · 07/09/2025 20:12

Just say It's obviously kinky couple sec night as you are child free 😂 or just tell her no, you want a night to yourself where you can be alone in your own home. That's reason enough

ComfortFoodCafe · 07/09/2025 20:08

Just tell her your looking forward to a good night sleep with no child, or be blunt and say you & your partner arent keen on people staying.