Ex insists he can't afford child maintenance payments

Do this

Not sure what question I’m voting to answer tbh. Presumably are you being unreasonable taking £200. Yes you are being unreasonable. Go to cms and get the amount you are due. No pissing around. I doubt you’ll get the £3k+ that youre owed though. Sorry OP.

If it was that 'big' a job, she didn't pay much! Doesn't make her bad. But doesn't mean dad couldn't find someone more present and have another child?

Also, if she's that successful, £160 a month is a drop in the ocean surely?

I don't think there's anything intrinsically wrong with women who decide to leave their children.

Men do it often.

I do think there's something wrong with coming back and blaming the other person, the one who raised and was there for that child, because of £160.

So? What difference does that make now?

Definitely go through CMS.

The OP was a weekend parent until the now 15yr old was 12. I'm sure he shouldered the lion's share of responsibility in those early years. Emotional and fiscal.

The op did more than what most NRP men do, had a "bIg job" that involved travelling and her child every weekend and school hold, not EOW and the odd week. She wasn't shirking and it doesn't sound like the ex did a great job.

I mean, OP paid £360 a week for him to feed, clothe, emotionally support and care for her child five days a week from birth until 12.

Now she wants £360 a week back.

Its like the Brazier family, or something.

It used to be factored in. Not now.

I'm not sure why everyone is missing that the child lived with his dad for 12 years?

I can imagine he probably thinks OP shirked responsibility for a good long stretch.

Not directly no, but realistically he is taking about household income and if he needs more for CMS then his wife might need to sort out more of their other household expenses to allow for that. She chose to have a child with someone who had an existing obligation so she should be prepared that he will not be able to contribute as much as he otherwise would.

I would go via CMS for the money.
You'll never see the money back that he claimed after your son moved to yours full-time. We had a similar situation due to work, with a nightmare ex who insisted on an earnings attachment even though we were sending the money on time etc directly. We were still having money deducted from salary by work almost a year on from eldest having gone to university, because it takes that long for CMS to update their systems etc. We haven't seen that money back as they apparently can't claw it back from the resident parent. Yet if it's child benefit or other benefits they can claw it back?!

Useless slacker of a man who had residency of the 15yr old for 12 years while mum travelled.

Now she's got the arse.

Small but significant detail.

Yeah. And got caught up in some sort of situation whereby mum was paying him £360pcm child maintenance although the kid lived with her?

Sometimes, no matter what shit I've ploughed through, reading here makes me feel normal and content.

I don't think they meant the wife should pay

Useless slacker of a man with no self respect. I worked two jobs to bring up my DS alone because my exH ran away abroad to avoid CMS. Now DS has grown up and thinks his father is a useless waste of space.

Sure. The OP 'forgot' their own child lived with them for six months? Or something? I'm going to fall inline and say: "go to the CMS". She'll be awarded a pittance. Its like when people say 'LTB' and you'll get 'half his pension.' Fabrication.

This

Go after every penny you’re owed from the useless bastard.

Yep. Agree to £200 a month and make up the short fall in other ways. Like working.

Refer the fraud to the police.

And they'll do what? Send him a reminder letter? The OP is probably getting more than they would through CMS too. Some very poor advice on this thread!

The CMS calculator does deduct payments to children where there are subsequent children.

Spouse/partner incomes were taken into account initially. But not now, I think?

If he's only on £40k and has another kid, OP may well get less through the CMS.

Especially if their child opens overnights with the non resident parent.

Cautionary note, there.

The legal presumption currently (fair or not) is that each parent will take equal financial responsibility and shared care.

Rarely happens in practice. But dad's new child will reduce payments to OP.

The more pressing issues are around contact and residency.

Go to a solicitor before going CMS nuclear, OP.

CMS and tell CMS about the payments he should repay you

I'm not suggesting people shouldn't bother. It can work for people if their ex is PAYE.

It just isn't a magic bullet.

Its a department with very, very low enforcement capabilities. Because it's civil.

I would advise anyone to get independent legal advice in advance of any financial matters in respect of children.

I didn't have the funds to do that with my eldest.

Got a statement every year with the arrears showing an increasing amount each time.

The last statement showed in excess of £16,000 owed to me.

Might chase that up, actually!

I get it didn’t work for you and I was in a similar situation for many years until my ex became gainfully employed. The CMS is absolutely useless unless there is PAYE involved. This is what needs fixing. However, it is extremely efficient and works very well if the absent parent is employed. They also have greater powers in that instance. I don’t think it’s wise to tell people not to bother with CMS, because you’re cutting off your nose to spite your face. In the OP’s situation, she should just let them deal with him as he’s salaried and they can take it directly.

Don’t discuss it with him. Go through CMS for the money, end of. Your child is 15 so can speak to him himself, and if you and he do need to talk, use the app. His wife’s salary has nothing to do with it.