Would really appreciate some input on this please and I don't know if I'm being unreasonable or not.
TLDR;
- DC lives with me full time and has gone no contact with dad.
- I still paid child maintenance for months while DC lived with me because ex was lying to child maintenance.
- Ex claims he can't afford the £365 a month due to child care costs for his other child.
- Ex has offered £200 a month instead.
AIBU? Do I just agree to £200 a month without any of that money being paid back or do I insist we go with what child maintenance have said the payment should be.
I even worked out what the payment would be if my ex was on less money, had DC on weekends and taking into account their other child and it's still around £280.
More context;
Ex and I split up when DC was very young. I was in a job that travelled a lot so it meant I could only have DC on weekends so we came to agreement DC would be with me on the weekends and ex in the week and I'd have him all school holidays etc. This changed about 3 years ago when I changed career and i'm not at home all the time.
DC is now 15. DC had issues with my ex's new wife, it was a very tense household. A lot of fighting, name calling etc and DC has been living with that and struggling with it badly. Ex and his new wife were aware of the shouting being a trigger for DC but nothing changed. DC told me they wanted to live with me and my husband full time at the start of this year. Long story short things went from bad to worse at DC's dad's house and DC ended up moving in with me permanently at the beginning of the year.
There was contact to begin with between DC and ex but DC ended up going no contact due to the stress and upset it was causing. But due to ex not agreeing to DC moving out they refused to stop child maintenance and was falsely claiming DC still lived with them. I was paying around £350 for child maintenance a month for 5 months before I finally got it changed.
Ex is now being told by child maintenance that they need to pay me £375 a month now that DC lives with me full time. That doesn't include paying me back for all the months I paid when I shouldn't have.
Ex however is saying that he can't afford it because of how much nursery is for he and his new wife's child. He said he can afford £200 a month and that's it. He's on £41k a year and doesn't live in an expensive part of the country. He said anymore and it'll put him into debt. His wife also works a good job.
I've been put into debt for the fact I had to pay £350 a month to my ex while DC was actually living with me because I was also the one that was actually paying for DC (so bills increased, needed clothing as ex was withholding his things, school things, food, travel, pocket money, activities, you get the idea).
I said to ex that I would be willing to agree to a lesser amount only if they paid me back the money I was sending them all those months that DC was actually living with me. He has refused this because he has 'put the money into a savings account for DC'. He said there's 3k in that account and it's to go towards a car or university later on.
My ex has been caught out in lies in the past (part of the reason we split back then) and I can't help but think this is a lie and he and his wife have just spent the money I sent over. Otherwise why would they be so reluctant to send it back to me considering not doing so would 'put them into debt' if they had to go with the Child Maintenance Agreement.
He says his wife shouldn't have to pay for DC and I agree with that, but I think his wife should be contributing to child care for their child if that is what they insist they can't afford.
AIBU?
Do I just agree to £200 a month without any of that money being paid back or do I insist we go with what child maintenance have said the payment should be.
I even worked out what the payment would be if my ex was on less money, had DC on weekends and taking into account their other child and it's still around £280 (so more than the £200 he's offering).