The outcome of mum demanding payments each month

Have you looked at the stately homes thread on the relationship board? lots of people post there regularly about their experiences with toxic parents.

It’s called win win, even though you can’t see it now.

Get some therapy and pray they don’t come back to continue to abuse and berate you.

your family wouldn’t in reality help you if you really had a problem so nothing has changed - don’t worry about that.

All power to your elbow, OP. I know you must feel hurt, everyone wants their mum to love and care for them. But almost certainly she will never be the mum you need her to be and you are better off looking after yourself without her in your life. I wish I could give you a big hug in real life. Consider us all your virtual mums. Please consider posting in the Relationships/Stately Homes thread as you will get a lot of support there.

AIBU can be harsh and unpleasant at times, but it is a testament to you and your situation that almost everyone even in AIBU is on your side. You go girl!
((( @Lifeisinshambles )))

On edit: I believe this is the latest thread https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5365921-july-2025-well-we-took-you-to-stately-homes

I just had a quick look at your last thread - my gosh, you've done really well to pull yourself out of that situation! You (understandably) weren't in a good place when you left home, but you pulled yourself together and got to work, without any of the loving, unconditional support that young people are supposed to get from their parents... You deserve to feel really proud of yourself! 👏

You were being abused as a child, and she's been financially abusing you since - both by taking money off you, and by holding out the threat of being written out of her will (and have no doubt, she never had any intention of leaving you a penny - it would be a last act of spite to cut you off).

No one can tell you it's easy to get away from that sort of control and influence - it's always painful, like pulling off a sticky plaster - and you're probably struggling with all sorts of emotions now - but everyone who's done it will tell you IT IS SO WORTH IT!

Hang in there, stay firm and get through this, and I promise you your life will be more stable and peaceful and you will grow and develop as you should!

You are doing so well, good luck! 🤗💐

Well done you - I read your previous thread and I was saddened by how your so called mum was treating you. It may be scary now but you don't need this toxic person in your life. I hope you're surrounded by people who genuinely care for you and have your best interests at heart
Best wishes x

You've done so well, despite your parents doing the opposite of what good parents should do. I'm glad you have a supportive boss, and I hope you end up surrounded with good, caring people. I think the first month you should spend some of the the money you would have given your mother on something totally indulgent, just for you!

Proud of you for drawing a line in the sand, even if I don't understand why you gave her another 100 quid!

Don't send her any more money, ever.

I'm so sorry you've got such a shit mum.

I don't know you but feel very proud of you. Well done on cutting ties with your mum who sounds really toxic. It will feel weird at first but you will be able to breath easier not having her threats hanging over you and it will feel better every day. Save your money, def don't send her anymore... you've paid back enough already. Sending you best wishes for the future 💐💕

Well done @Lifeisinshambles You will be sad at the moment, but you did the right thing. No-one deserves to have a Mother like you have. Stay strong and you will find that you will be much better off in a while, without being in contact. If she comes back to you, you can then decide whether to stay NC or if you do allow her back into your life, make sure you set strong boundaries and keep to the

They're a waste of time.
There’s no pill that will fix them.
You won’t be putting them in your will.

Sorted :) Take that therapy you've been offered.

I am so proud of you OP. It’s heartbreaking for you. But she has not behaved like a mum should, for years. You are losing the idea of a mum rather than a loving close mum.

Who knows what the future holds now. She would probably not have left you money anyway in the will.

Your mum would make your life harder not better. You will get through this. Lean on others and make a better life for yourself.

Well done. You are amazing x

Well done. I’m so sorry, it’s shocking how she is abusing you.

Go no contact and rebuild your life. Lots of love and mothering available on Mumsnet and you can find so much support from friends and neighbours of all ages.

Well done. Scary isn’t it? But it does get better. The truth is that you paid that debt a long time ago but your mother realised that she could carry on demanding money and you would keep paying her out of confusion and misplaced loyalty.
Take the good advice to be kind to yourself and organise some counselling.
The other thing I would recommend is to make a budget, you can find some free ones online, or use a pen and notebook. Be in control of your money now that you’re not sending a quarter of it to your mother. You’ll feel all the better for it.

Please don't send her any more money. You owe her nothing. She should be utterly ashamed of her behaviour. She is exploiting you. I wouldn't dream of demanding back the money I have give my adult DD over the years. It's unthinkable.

Oh, I’m so glad you’ve done this! Nothing was ever going to be enough for them and although you’ll find it difficult to start with, you’ll be able to look back and see this as the moment when your life suddenly changed for the better.

Well done darling ❤️

I dont know you but I am proud. I've been in a similar boat and I am estranged from my birth family, but in my 30s.

I know how scared you must be, but youre not alone. Loads of people go through this and create their own lives and families.

One of my favourite songs is 'Matilda' by Harry Styles. If you have time to listen, it might help.

Are you living in a city? You could try to find a support group for young women like you, there are bound to be loads.

But first of all. Block everyone associated with them. Make yourself a lovely meal, light a candle in bed and watch a box set or listen to some music.

You are free!

(Also, 'Free' by SAULT is worth a listen)

You've paid any debts. You don't owe them anything any more. Not loyalty, not money, not so much as a phone call.

I've 'lent' my children money over the years, if it comes back I'm happy, if it doesn't then I'm happy that I could provide it when they needed it. Your mother has been using you as a cash cow for years, now it's your time to enjoy your own money and leave them to wallow.

Just to add OP - doing as commanded wouldn't guarantee an inheritance. You really can't trust this woman.
Also, no one's house or money is safe from care fees.
The money you no longer have to hand over is your "inheritance". Best of all, you can have ir now, when you actually need it!!

Agree with this too. Flying Monkeys is a term I learned through MN after my “D”M behaved in a very similar way to the one you’ve described only she uses her friends as well.

Well done OP, I know it probably doesn't feel like it at the moment but you've done the right thing. With some time and space you'll be able to see how toxic your mum is.

It's sometimes difficult for children to see how bad their parents behaviour is and they blame themselves. There is the feeling that they are the one in the wrong because that is the message they've been given by their family. But you're not, you're not a waste of space and there is nothing wrong with you (except the damage they have done to you).

It sounds like you are a very strong person for someone so young, many people don't escape their toxic families until much later, if at all. So you are doing amazingly well.
It may feel very uncomfortable for a while, like you are in the wrong, but this is just the way you have been brainwashed and what you are used to. This will fade with time and you will replace it with a new way of being.

There are lots of organisations that offer counselling and support for young people so please take advantage of this, you deserve to be helped after what you have been through. It will help you unpick the dysfunctional behaviour you have had to put up with from your family and help you process your feelings.

This.

It will be absolutely great if she never contacts you again - you would be free!

But I suspect this won't be the end of the matter. Family members or friends will be contacting you and telling you to apologise to her.
(They are called "flying monkeys" after the monkeys in the film The Wizard of Oz - messengers and servants of the evil witch).

They have cut you off, now you have to cut them off.
Don't contact any of them, ever. Block them on everything.
End it.

Then move on with your life, free, and with more money.

Spend the money you used to send her on getting a good counsellor for therapy - try several different ones if you don't 'click' with the first one you visit.

You’ve done the right thing. Please don’t send her another penny. She owes you!

No one “lends” their teenager £2 here and there, you give it to them. She is an abusive weirdo.
Please seek therapy now if you haven’t already. It’s really important and never speak to that woman again. ❤️

It’s here: https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5392432-mum-demanding-payments-each-month