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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think some parents use “mental load” as a way of avoiding accountability?

58 replies

PlainGreyReader · 17/08/2025 18:26

I know the mental load is real but sometimes it feels like people use it as a get out of jail card for not doing practical stuff. AIBU?

OP posts:
StepOff · 17/08/2025 18:41

PlainGreyReader · 17/08/2025 18:32

I’ve seen situations where someone will say they’re too drained by the ‘mental load’ to do basics like bills, admin, or house tasks but then expect their partner to just pick it up. That’s the kind of thing I mean.

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I would've thought those things would fall under the umbrella of "mental load".

Thepeopleversuswork · 17/08/2025 18:40

PlainGreyReader · 17/08/2025 18:32

I’ve seen situations where someone will say they’re too drained by the ‘mental load’ to do basics like bills, admin, or house tasks but then expect their partner to just pick it up. That’s the kind of thing I mean.

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I haven't seen that.

Mental load in my experience is a phrase used by women who don't feel their husband or partner is picking up the slack domestically in terms of the "thinking" element of running a household.

I think there are quite a lot of blokes today who have just about made peace with the fact that they need to do some domestic tasks, ie they are happy to do the hoovering once a week or wash up after a meal and pick the kids up a certain number of times a week.

But what they don't want to do is any of the thinking/planning involved in this. So it falls to the woman to anticipate that Johnny's cubs trip will need to be paid for ten days hence or that the family needs to book train tickets for the forthcoming trip to see Great Aunt Marge or that they need to book time to leave work an hour early for parents evening on March 4th. Or when the female partner says: "What do you want for dinner?" they say: "I don't mind," and go back to watching the football, then complain when presented with said dinner that they don't like asparagus.

It's a reluctance/failure to embrace the fact that running a household involves quite a lot of planning/thinking ahead and assuming that the woman will do it because "she's better at it".

There's quite a lot of thinking involved in running a family and not involving yourself in it basically just creates more work for the other person (almost invariably the woman).

I think its quite appropriate.

Original poster
PlainGreyReader · 17/08/2025 18:40

arethereanyleftatall · 17/08/2025 18:35

This is all quite cryptic. By ‘someone’ do you mean your partner?

No not my partner, I’m talking more generally about the way the phrase gets used in wider discussions.

OP posts:
YodasHairyButt · 17/08/2025 18:39

“Some” people may possibly do this. Probably most don’t. Most are probably overloaded and struggling and asking for help, then in some cases being judged for it. It’s hard to tell which it is without any context.

LittleBearPad · 17/08/2025 18:38

PlainGreyReader · 17/08/2025 18:32

I’ve seen situations where someone will say they’re too drained by the ‘mental load’ to do basics like bills, admin, or house tasks but then expect their partner to just pick it up. That’s the kind of thing I mean.

Show quote history

It’s amazing how some people really seem to think bills are an actual activity that demands much time at all. Most can be done by direct debit and require little effort at all.

arethereanyleftatall · 17/08/2025 18:35

This is all quite cryptic. By ‘someone’ do you mean your partner?

Original poster
PlainGreyReader · 17/08/2025 18:32

arethereanyleftatall · 17/08/2025 18:27

Do they? Can you give an example?

I’ve seen situations where someone will say they’re too drained by the ‘mental load’ to do basics like bills, admin, or house tasks but then expect their partner to just pick it up. That’s the kind of thing I mean.

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 17/08/2025 18:27

Do they? Can you give an example?