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AIBU?

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AIBU for wanting my partner to contribute to the household

90 replies

babybackrib · 15/08/2025 08:16

My partner and I have been together for 6 years, we live in a house owned by his family member and we pay rent. Well, I pay rent. He pays bills which is half of the rent. I also pay for all the food, furnishings and other things for the house, his cigarettes, anything we do together like date nights, doctors appointments etc. He doesn’t have a job, and spends his welfare on alcohol (if he can’t get me to buy it for him, which I don’t because I don’t drink much, but if I buy myself a bottle of wine he drinks it all).

he’s unemployed and I want him to take care of the house since I’m working full time and pay for everything. He doesn’t do it, there’s rubbish all over the counters in the kitchen and the place is just dirty. So I’ve reduced my asks to just the dishes so I can come home and cook dinner for us without delay and the washing so I can have clean clothes for work. I have to ask him every single day to do these things and even then he rarely does it.

he genuinely believes that this is fair and I’m over reacting because the dishes and washing aren’t done. He says he’s depressed because I get upset over these things not being done and that he can’t look for a job because of that. I stopped asking him to do the dishes/washing and did them myself and he says he’s finally starting to feel happy. I said “because I’m doing everything and not asking you to do things?” And he said “yea, god forbid you have to wash a dish”. Apparently his family also thinks it’s fair because without him I wouldn’t have the place to live.

am I missing something, am I being unreasonable or overreacting or is this genuinely unfair and insane lol? I feel like a single mother to a 15 year old.

OP posts:
ImmortalSnowman · 15/08/2025 08:24

Do you have a rental agreement in your name with his relative? If not, stop paying the rent. Buy basic food and don't go anywhere with him. Save for a deposit for yourself and move out.

Octonaut4Life · 15/08/2025 08:24

You would be better off with a pumpkin for a partner, at least they don't generate dirty dishes.

beAsensible1 · 15/08/2025 08:24

Why are you writing this instead of leaving? Is it the cheap rent?

SeaGreenSeaGlass · 15/08/2025 08:23

He's not a partner, is he?
He doesn't see you as an equal.
He doesn't seem to have any respect for you.
The question is why you put up with it.

Bonjovispyjamas · 15/08/2025 08:22

And you're still with this charmer because...?

Mrsttcno1 · 15/08/2025 08:21

Why do you stay?

MrTiddlesTheCat · 15/08/2025 08:20

Is this really the life you wanted for yourself, to be an alcoholic waster's skivvy? Up your bar and dump him.

BCBird · 15/08/2025 08:20

Move out, get place on your own or in or flat share- less hassle

BMW6 · 15/08/2025 08:20

Surely, SURELY, you've seen thread after thread on here outlining similar scenarios?

You know what a Cocklodger is?

You've got a Great Big one plus a side of Alcoholic.

Hmm.......what on earth should you do.....??????

Beammeupscotty2025 · 15/08/2025 08:20

You are missing having any standards.

muddyford · 15/08/2025 08:19

In what aspect of your life is he a partner?

romdowa · 15/08/2025 08:19

You're being taken advantage of big time. You need to find your own place to live and leave this leech

JacquesHarlow · 15/08/2025 08:18

I feel like a single mother to a 15 year old.

have you considered leaving him @babybackrib ?!

he clearly believes the house he has brought into your lives is some sort of entitlement for him to not raise a finger to either work or take care of the house. He is mentally offsetting everything else against it.

it doesn’t sound like this will change so I suggest you change so to speak.

FortheloveofCheesus · 15/08/2025 08:18

Are you getting cheap rent?

Why are you with this guy, i cannot see whats appealing about an unemployed alcoholic who won't lift a finger at home

BrightLightTonight · 15/08/2025 08:18

Increase your standards lady. LTB

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