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AIBU?

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AIBU for wanting my partner to contribute to the household

90 replies

babybackrib · 15/08/2025 08:16

My partner and I have been together for 6 years, we live in a house owned by his family member and we pay rent. Well, I pay rent. He pays bills which is half of the rent. I also pay for all the food, furnishings and other things for the house, his cigarettes, anything we do together like date nights, doctors appointments etc. He doesn’t have a job, and spends his welfare on alcohol (if he can’t get me to buy it for him, which I don’t because I don’t drink much, but if I buy myself a bottle of wine he drinks it all).

he’s unemployed and I want him to take care of the house since I’m working full time and pay for everything. He doesn’t do it, there’s rubbish all over the counters in the kitchen and the place is just dirty. So I’ve reduced my asks to just the dishes so I can come home and cook dinner for us without delay and the washing so I can have clean clothes for work. I have to ask him every single day to do these things and even then he rarely does it.

he genuinely believes that this is fair and I’m over reacting because the dishes and washing aren’t done. He says he’s depressed because I get upset over these things not being done and that he can’t look for a job because of that. I stopped asking him to do the dishes/washing and did them myself and he says he’s finally starting to feel happy. I said “because I’m doing everything and not asking you to do things?” And he said “yea, god forbid you have to wash a dish”. Apparently his family also thinks it’s fair because without him I wouldn’t have the place to live.

am I missing something, am I being unreasonable or overreacting or is this genuinely unfair and insane lol? I feel like a single mother to a 15 year old.

OP posts:
Whatifitallgoesright · 15/08/2025 08:44

I'm sure it's possible for you to find a room in a shared house with other women like you where payments and responsibilities for things will be fairly distributed. Unless he really does have a golden cock of glory?

Bikergran · 15/08/2025 08:43

FFS. Read what you have written. You're supporting a total deadbeat. Raise your expectations. Leave him and your toxic relationship and get your own place. Don't waste any more of your time and money.

InterestedDad37 · 15/08/2025 08:42

You can do better. Leave the relationship, house etc. Don't look back. Lazy bastard isn't worth your time and effort. 👍

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 15/08/2025 08:42

@babybackrib you are being taken for a mug, mate!!!!

ilikeeggs · 15/08/2025 08:40

How do you manage to find this man attractive?

Loopinlouie92 · 15/08/2025 08:40

He expects you to pay for his cigarettes? Good grief.

SaladAndChipsForTea · 15/08/2025 08:39

I feel like you're accepting far less than you're worth.

The bloke is grimly unappealing. What do you like about being with him?

arethereanyleftatall · 15/08/2025 08:39

there is no possible way that living with this man is better than being single.

so you need to do some thinking to discover why you haven’t left him.

is it fear?

ComfortFoodCafe · 15/08/2025 08:37

How does he get welfare? Benefits should be taking into account both your incomes, is it not a joint claim?

TheSandgroper · 15/08/2025 08:36

Are you missing something, you ask?

Shit yeah. Your ever-loving, tiny mind!

Pack up your stuff and walk out. Leave the keys on the table.

Cancel any direct debits, change every single one of your passwords and go and be happy. If he has access to your bank, change banks and tell your pay clerk.

Darling, gently, you hold down a job and support you both. You are skilled, resourceful and intelligent. Go and live a life where you can revel in yourself attributes.

Pricelessadvice · 15/08/2025 08:33

Frankly you’re a fool. Sorry OP, but have some self respect.

Whatshesaid96 · 15/08/2025 08:32

Anything good about him? I can only think he's a god in bed or something and thats why you put up with him. LTB

GCAcademic · 15/08/2025 08:32

Yes you are missing something and being unreasonable.

There is no need to be in a relationship with someone who sponges off you and contributes nothing to the household or relationship. Stop being so passive and take control of your life.

Hadalifeonce · 15/08/2025 08:32

Please, get some self respect and find some happiness elsewhere.

Lex345 · 15/08/2025 08:32

YABU to accept this. And this will be as good as it gets.

Throw this one back in, you can do much better.

If you can move out immediately, do it and never look back.

Matronic6 · 15/08/2025 08:31

Why are you with this complete waste of space?

ThejoyofNC · 15/08/2025 08:30

I voted YABU because I assume he doesn't have a gun to your head and you're doing this of your own free will. What do you want from this thread?

GreenAndWhiteStripes · 15/08/2025 08:29

Haven't you lost all respect for this lazy, selfish alcoholic?

Daisyvodka · 15/08/2025 08:28

You need to ask yourself why you still want to be with a man who sees you as someone as a maid he can shag, and not as someone to love and cherish. You are a fucking appliance to him. He shows you that every day. Is this how you would treat someone you love? No? Then why the hell would you believe this man if he says he loves you? He doesnt love you, he loves what you do for him. Any crying he would do if you tried to leave would be about him manipulating you into staying to do his dirty work.

JacquesHarlow · 15/08/2025 08:28

BMW6 · 15/08/2025 08:20

Surely, SURELY, you've seen thread after thread on here outlining similar scenarios?

You know what a Cocklodger is?

You've got a Great Big one plus a side of Alcoholic.

Hmm.......what on earth should you do.....??????

He’s not a cocklodger.

read this sentence from the OP

”we live in a house owned by his family member”

This is the problem ; he clearly feels entitled somehow that it’s owned through family and they presumably get favourable rent .

He is all manner of other things for not trying to work and not looking after the house, but I wouldn’t describe this as the traditional cocklodger .

the curious thing I have is, if they split up and OP stopped paying the rent, what happens then?

teenmaw · 15/08/2025 08:28

What am I reading OP?? You would be 110% better off without this absolute loser and you really need to work on your self esteem if you think this is as good as it gets. He is walking all over you, that means he’s not a nice person and he is in now way your partner. Sorry op he sees you as a walking ATM and taking full advantage of the fact. Go be on your own for a while and build yourself up so you realise what you deserve, and spoiler, it’s a LOT more than this!!

TaborlinTheGreat · 15/08/2025 08:27

Wtf? Why are you still with this man?

Parksinyork · 15/08/2025 08:26

You’re missing your self respect.

thepariscrimefiles · 15/08/2025 08:26

Does he have any good points? He sounds absolutely terrible and I can't imagine why you are staying with him. He is using you for money, you work, do all the housework and I presume that he is an alcoholic. His behaviour is enabled by his family.

Find somewhere else to rent and leave him. Don't look back.

TheFlis · 15/08/2025 08:25

He is literally acting like a sulky, selfish teenager living at home with his mum. How can you possibly find that attractive and think you have a future together?!?

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