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AIBU?

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AIBU for wanting my partner to contribute to the household

90 replies

babybackrib · 15/08/2025 08:16

My partner and I have been together for 6 years, we live in a house owned by his family member and we pay rent. Well, I pay rent. He pays bills which is half of the rent. I also pay for all the food, furnishings and other things for the house, his cigarettes, anything we do together like date nights, doctors appointments etc. He doesn’t have a job, and spends his welfare on alcohol (if he can’t get me to buy it for him, which I don’t because I don’t drink much, but if I buy myself a bottle of wine he drinks it all).

he’s unemployed and I want him to take care of the house since I’m working full time and pay for everything. He doesn’t do it, there’s rubbish all over the counters in the kitchen and the place is just dirty. So I’ve reduced my asks to just the dishes so I can come home and cook dinner for us without delay and the washing so I can have clean clothes for work. I have to ask him every single day to do these things and even then he rarely does it.

he genuinely believes that this is fair and I’m over reacting because the dishes and washing aren’t done. He says he’s depressed because I get upset over these things not being done and that he can’t look for a job because of that. I stopped asking him to do the dishes/washing and did them myself and he says he’s finally starting to feel happy. I said “because I’m doing everything and not asking you to do things?” And he said “yea, god forbid you have to wash a dish”. Apparently his family also thinks it’s fair because without him I wouldn’t have the place to live.

am I missing something, am I being unreasonable or overreacting or is this genuinely unfair and insane lol? I feel like a single mother to a 15 year old.

OP posts:
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Woodfiresareamazing2 · 20/06/2026 20:39

Hi @babybackrib , I've just found your thread.

How are you now?
Hopefully you have moved out/on and LTB.

💐

noidea69 · 09/04/2026 09:10

Why are you with him? He and his family all sound like twats.

ThisMellowCat · 09/04/2026 09:08

What are you actually getting out of this relationship? Seems you are renting a property with a live in squatter.
are you missing something you ask, yes, somewhere else to live.
sorry but he gives you nothing.

Laurmolonlabe · 26/10/2025 07:45

He's a lazy, entitled waster- move on, he will never get a job while you are providing.

caringcarer · 15/08/2025 13:10

How can he not disgust you?

SecretNameforMN · 15/08/2025 13:07

This is one of the saddest things I have every read on MN.

I nice, caring, decent, hardworking woman being brutally exploited by a nasty, entitled prick of a man, and thinking she is worth so little that she endures it.

Igmum · 15/08/2025 13:02

He is vile. I cannot imagine feeling sexually attracted to someone who treats me like this. Leave this entitled knob.

Coconutter24 · 15/08/2025 12:55

You are being unreasonable if you stay and put up with him

Gettingbysomehow · 15/08/2025 12:55

Why are you with this cretin?

IcyLemonWasp · 15/08/2025 12:53

BrightLightTonight · 15/08/2025 08:18

Increase your standards lady. LTB

This. It’s shameful tbh.

Linenpickle · 15/08/2025 12:53

Yabu for staying with such a loser

MiddleAgedDread · 15/08/2025 12:53

He’s not your partner, he’s an alcoholic cocklodger.

MaggieBsBoat · 15/08/2025 12:53

YABU to stay with him.
Low Bar is what springs to mind and he still misses it.

TripTrapSnipSnap · 15/08/2025 12:51

Locutus2000 · 15/08/2025 12:46

Blatant wind-up.

Let's hope so. Although it's perfectly possible. There are many people like this.

TripTrapSnipSnap · 15/08/2025 12:51

Ugh what a loser. You've hitched your wagon to a real keeper, there, haven't you.

Just be aware this is who he is and he will never, ever be any different.

6 years is long enough.

BlueMum16 · 15/08/2025 12:48

Assuming you won't leave, as people never do, you need to redress the balance.

Pay 50:50 if bills, rent, food, date night.

Leave him to pay for his cigarettes, booze, phone, car, clothes, other personal expenses.
Likewise you pay your personal expenses.

Stop doing any washing etc for him.

Have a conversation about splitting the cooking/cleaning in a fair way.

People only do what you allow them too.

Alternative move out and live in a nice clean home where you are not parenting a manchild

Locutus2000 · 15/08/2025 12:46

Blatant wind-up.

Bananalanacake · 15/08/2025 12:44

Did he give up his job after you started living together, I just can't think why you would start a relationship with someone who doesn't work.

Swiftie1878 · 15/08/2025 11:23

You need to find your own rental and leave. Now.

FumbDucker · 15/08/2025 11:20

Erm no, get out as soon as you can

Ohmygodthepain · 15/08/2025 10:54

Tell us what, EXACTLY, you're getting out of this relationship?

And none of the 'but I love him' bs - he literally brings nothing to the table except a reduced rate of rent that YOU are then paying.

He's unemployed, unwilling to work, spends all your money and has at least an unhealthy relationship with booze...

charlieandthechocolatfactory · 15/08/2025 10:28

So you’re a free slave/ maid / cleaner / person to have sex with /butler / waitress

Dmsandfloatydress · 15/08/2025 10:26

This must be a wind up! Does he have a diamond dick? Pick your standards off the floor and head straight out of the door. If yoy need company, get a dog!

Chocja · 15/08/2025 10:26

You do not have a partner you have an obligation who is draining you of your resources, your love, your energy, your money and your time. He is a leech and YABVU to put up with someone who brings nothing to your life.

Leaving might be hard for a bit but you need to expect more from life and you will be so much happier and look back and think why the hell did I put up with that for so long.

EvenMoreCrisps · 15/08/2025 10:21

Statistically the happiest section of society are childfree single women.

There's a whole world out there. Imagine the bliss and peace that awaits you, rid of this disgusting parasite.

A boyfriend is solely for massively enhancing and easing your life. The alcoholic layabout is utterly pointless.