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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To lock up all our food etc when we leave

906 replies

ChangerMonNom · 11/08/2025 18:05

We share a holiday cottage with DH family (his parents, older sister and partner) and use it at different times. For clarity- everyone contributes financially but DH and I the most as we are a family of four and earn more also.

In the summer holidays, we tend to go up the first few weeks of august, then head home. At this point, SIL and partner will come and use it. They probably use it more than us in total as they have no kids so can go during term time also, and can WFH so tend to have lots of mini breaks throughout the year.

When we leave, we make sure place is spotless and leave fresh milk (if SIL due to arrive), eggs, coffee, occasionally some treats and always whatever is left of all purchases (cooking oil, laundry powder, condiments, kitchen roll, plentiful loo roll).

On the flip side, SIL and partner will use all our stuff up and not replace it, meaning we often arrive late evening and find we are missing eg oil to cook dinner or even toilet roll.

We have mentioned this politely a few times but got no meaningful response (other than to say ‘it’s just the two of us, we hardly use anything’) This 100 per cent won’t be just thoughtlessness on their part - SIL is notoriously tight.

Anyway- we are due to pack up Sunday and I am considering putting all store cupboard items in a combination lockable suitcase and keeping them stashed away until our return. They will no doubt notice this as they take for granted things like salt and dishwasher tabs being available.

DH told me not to he so petty and ‘go high’, but honestly I’m fed up of SIL and her partner’s behaviour and this might be the only way to make them see what they are doing (although to he perfectly honest, I will slightly enjoy pissing them off).

So who’s right MN?

OP posts:
ParmaVioletTea · 13/08/2025 02:56

CalmTheFuckDownMargaret · 12/08/2025 22:55

Tell them you’re just following the same idea about what each holidaying group should be expected to leave and what they should expect to provide themselves. You’ve been expected to provide your own toilet roll and cooking oil so they can follow their own guidance, the CFs.

This. Be calm and matter of fact about it, and make sure your DH is absolutely on side.

ParmaVioletTea · 13/08/2025 02:51

Sdpbody · 12/08/2025 11:12

This thread is the exact reason MNHQ needs to bring back the laughing emoji.

Yesssss!

I’m on #TeamPetty

i think you need to leave a bare minimum and if SiL complains be straight with her. Itemise what you’ve left before (lots) and what you’ve arrived to (not much). Say it in front of others and better -get your DH to say it. Also itemise what you’ve arrived pay for in terms of upkeep and cleaning etc.

They are so clearly in the wrong in terms of their lack of generosity your DH needs to phrase it so that there’s no come back - but remain reasonable and good humoured.

You could also note that they use the place more than you, but you cover more of the costs.

Firethehorse · 13/08/2025 02:32

I’m slightly envious of your holiday home OP!
This sounds so tedious, and constant low level annoying, that I can’t help but wonder if your sil and her husband really enjoy the winding you up aspect as much as the saving of their own money.
After the excellent suggestions from fellow posters I would employ a combination of suggestions. Start finding very small sized versions of everything such as oil etc, so you can legitimately only leave a small amount in the bottle. Buy a 4 pack of cheap loo roll just for them, you meanwhile have your own stashed items. I personally would leave about half as many you guess they would need of items such as dishwasher tabs and teabags just to see what they do. I wouldn’t remove basic condiments as that’s a bit obvious.
The lunch is tricky as it’s easy for outsiders to say separate bills but I know from personal experience when in-law family are involved sometimes the fall out would outweigh the financial aspect. I think for me it would depend on whether they order reasonably in which case I would decide to let it go.
By making it your decision, even if only in your head, you will remove the control aspect they are no doubt currently enjoying. If they absolutely take the mickey I would say to split the bill. I personally wouldn’t suggest they pay entirely because if they do you are then in their debt and will never hear the last of it.
Don’t get irritated, have a giggle and you will feel better.

underthisredrock · 13/08/2025 02:03

I'd leave them one loo roll, not necessarily a full one, just because I wouldn't leave even a CF without a means to wipe their bum, and that would be all.

Tourmalines · 13/08/2025 02:01

She’s a right misery guts . Leave her nothing in the house . Do not pay for lunch

Lady1576 · 13/08/2025 01:34

Ponderingwindow · 11/08/2025 18:16

It’s not the money that would bother me, it’s the arriving to no supplies when I left the place stocked. That would drive me crazy.

Lock it up.

I agree! And for that reason, leaving one of everything wouldn’t really make the point. I would keep your stuff ready for only you to use next time.

LeopardPants · 13/08/2025 01:23

Ttcpph · 12/08/2025 22:50

Ooof this is a VERY good shout. Like Ross from friends when he visits a hotel!!! Tight arse CFs!!!

Bloody love this episode was only talking about it a few days ago!!!! Classic

Sevenwondersofthewoo · 13/08/2025 01:02

Lock it all away

don’t do lunch cos your husband will pay as you’ve said he’s to generous so don’t go cos he will pay

Rottweilermummy · 13/08/2025 00:49

I agree with leaving a few essentials, 1 toulet roll etc, locking evertythihg else away, they're not going to know that you didn't use it all. Just make sure you find good hiding place for the suitcase . It's so bad of them not replacing stuff though and your brother should have a word with his sister

Trendyname · 13/08/2025 00:40

ChangerMonNom · 11/08/2025 18:18

Question - is two teabags left in the caddy more pointed than none at all?

None at all. Or maybe one 😁

Trendyname · 13/08/2025 00:39

Izzy24 · 11/08/2025 18:12

Yes this. Means they can’t all your stuff and also can’t complain that there was nothing left.

They can’t complain because they never leave anything.

op you are right.

Pinkdhalia · 12/08/2025 23:56

Do that! She’ll see that “they don’t use much” isn’t true they don’t use much cos they don’t include what you left in the cost of their shopping! Lock stuff away as you suggested or take it home in a box to pick up and bring next time .

AnnoyedAsAllHeck · 12/08/2025 23:47

Robin67 · 12/08/2025 19:08

Please, please, please... when you sit down, can you say to the waiter "separate bills please"... If she starts to say " that's ridiculous" then chime in with "oh that's so generous, boys say thanks to auntie cheapbint, isn't she kind". Any awkwardness just explain it with "sorry, I thought you were trying to say that you are going to pay for us this time, never mind we will pay...as usual"

@ChangerMonNom This is perfect, except I would not be paying her bill at all.
Lock everything away and let them pony up. Really, you own most of the property and pay to have it cleaned, and she is STILL a tight-azzed CFer?

I wish I was your SIL! I would definitely be a better one and much more generous/not cheapskate.

Shoemadlady · 12/08/2025 23:02

Any updates?? Dying to hear if she noticed! I wouldn’t even leave a tea bag. Yeah I’m petty like that but I’d have laughed if she’d have said something about it 😂

CalmTheFuckDownMargaret · 12/08/2025 22:55

Tell them you’re just following the same idea about what each holidaying group should be expected to leave and what they should expect to provide themselves. You’ve been expected to provide your own toilet roll and cooking oil so they can follow their own guidance, the CFs.

Ttcpph · 12/08/2025 22:53

OP, if you own 70% of the property, why is it fair that SIL visits more often than you do?
who pays the runnings costs? Council tax, gas and electric, water? Are these split based on frequency of visits?!
if I were you I'd try and buy out the other family members and tell SIL she can pay the going rate for her frequent visits. She'd soon buggar off!

jbm16 · 12/08/2025 22:51

I would just use up, or take home majority of items, and definitely not go out of way to leave them milk etc. if they don't reciprocate.

Ttcpph · 12/08/2025 22:50

ThisOldThang · 12/08/2025 21:58

Do you think they're clearing out the supplies and taking them home?

Ooof this is a VERY good shout. Like Ross from friends when he visits a hotel!!! Tight arse CFs!!!

Rockymountainhigh · 12/08/2025 22:46

Alison shamelessly placemarking for Sunday 😀

CraftyYankee · 12/08/2025 22:45

I need to know, how do you open a locked suitcase with a biro?!?

Ttcpph · 12/08/2025 22:41

Shamelessly placemarking for the Sunday update adds popcorn to Saturday shopping list

ilovemyhamster · 12/08/2025 22:41

CF of the highest order. Leave a miniscule amount and take the rest honestly I loathe mean people 😬

momtoboys · 12/08/2025 22:38

I cannot wait for Sunday updates!

nmsi · 12/08/2025 22:22

Don't pay for their lunch.

Caroparo52 · 12/08/2025 22:21

If you alrrady leave a suitcase there for clothes then they won't suspect that this time its full of loo roll and dish soap and dry foods.
Good idea to leave a few ends of pasta and rice packets and 1 loo roll and 1 dish tablet. Maybe a cheery "help yourself " note too to rub it in. I would enjoy doing this but then I'm petty about being fair so please do do it.

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