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AIBU?

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To lock up all our food etc when we leave

906 replies

ChangerMonNom · 11/08/2025 18:05

We share a holiday cottage with DH family (his parents, older sister and partner) and use it at different times. For clarity- everyone contributes financially but DH and I the most as we are a family of four and earn more also.

In the summer holidays, we tend to go up the first few weeks of august, then head home. At this point, SIL and partner will come and use it. They probably use it more than us in total as they have no kids so can go during term time also, and can WFH so tend to have lots of mini breaks throughout the year.

When we leave, we make sure place is spotless and leave fresh milk (if SIL due to arrive), eggs, coffee, occasionally some treats and always whatever is left of all purchases (cooking oil, laundry powder, condiments, kitchen roll, plentiful loo roll).

On the flip side, SIL and partner will use all our stuff up and not replace it, meaning we often arrive late evening and find we are missing eg oil to cook dinner or even toilet roll.

We have mentioned this politely a few times but got no meaningful response (other than to say ‘it’s just the two of us, we hardly use anything’) This 100 per cent won’t be just thoughtlessness on their part - SIL is notoriously tight.

Anyway- we are due to pack up Sunday and I am considering putting all store cupboard items in a combination lockable suitcase and keeping them stashed away until our return. They will no doubt notice this as they take for granted things like salt and dishwasher tabs being available.

DH told me not to he so petty and ‘go high’, but honestly I’m fed up of SIL and her partner’s behaviour and this might be the only way to make them see what they are doing (although to he perfectly honest, I will slightly enjoy pissing them off).

So who’s right MN?

OP posts:
angela1952 · 13/08/2025 09:18

Thisismetooaswell · 13/08/2025 08:43

I know you said you don't pack things up really, but I would have a 'holiday home' box and keep oil, pasta, dish wash tabs, loo roll etc in it and just transport that back and forth. I'd leave a small amount behind each time but take most of it

I live in a flat now without much storage space and it would be such a nuisance to have to do this every time, though I used to do it when my DC were younger. Also I'm an over-planner and I already take enough! I'd hoped that DS would have become more considerate by now (DD is usually fine).

They both usually have an online grocery delivery at the start of their visit and don't know what will be missing at the end of their trip. DS in particular probably wouldn't bother to go shopping before he left, though DIL might. DD would, or would let me know what was missing.
@ChangerMonNom 's sister in law sounds awful, we have a friend like that and I have never given her the address of her holiday home and for 40 years have managed to evade her self-invitations "when you are down there"!

We rarely lend our house to anybody though my son went there with friends whom he let stay after he had left - result was that we were left with a dirty house, dirty sheets, no toilet roll and much depleted food stocks. Other friends have been great though, leaving the place clean and replenishing stocks, often leaving us bottles of wine too.

Bryonyberries · 13/08/2025 09:01

Lock away the stuff that makes it most annoying to arrive to missing - ie toilet rolls, cooking oil. I’d leave stuff like herbs, salt and pepper, condiments. That way you know you have what you need if you arrive when the shops are closed.

angela1952 · 13/08/2025 09:00

@ChangerMonNom We have similar problems when different members of family use our holiday home. I always ask our adult DC to let me know if they have finished anything and ideally replace what they have used, but like your relatives they often finish things like cooking oil, herbs and spices without thinking about it.

My DD gets annoyed because she puts food for her children in the freezer and then her DB and family use it. Obviously nothing you can do about frozen food, but I also put some storecupboard items out of the obvious places - and also hide away one nice sharp knife as they tend to put knives in the dishwasher.
I try to leave spare dishwashing tablets, laundry detergent and toilet paper because it would never occur to any of them to replace them when they go shopping.
Clothes pegs are often left outside and get lost, so I have a secret cache of good ones hidden away.
If they were at home they would think about replacing things, why can't they do it when they are away?

sashh · 13/08/2025 08:55

Secretsquirels · 12/08/2025 15:54

I wouldn’t be locking it, I’d be leaving it in a clear box with your & DH’s name on the front. If anyone queries it I’d say “oh yes, we’ve started doing that because it’s so tricky arriving in the evening with the kids and not having enough of the basics”.

I like this idea, but I think I would have three boxes, one your you and DH, one for SIL and one for parents.

It would be interesting if you put stuff in the box labelled for the parents, do you think she would take it from 'their' box?

Thisismetooaswell · 13/08/2025 08:43

I know you said you don't pack things up really, but I would have a 'holiday home' box and keep oil, pasta, dish wash tabs, loo roll etc in it and just transport that back and forth. I'd leave a small amount behind each time but take most of it

k8jr · 13/08/2025 08:37

I've just read through your various posts about your SIL and I'd say she's the one that's petty - so fight petty with petty!
Leave just enough stuff so it's not obvious, and they can't bring anything up, but hell yeah, hide the stuff!
She sounds a pain! Don't shout them anything like lunch either. If you have come to expect that they don't even get your son's birthday presents then they need to come to expect nothing from you either.

What will happen if you ever want to sell the property? You said you hold 70% equity but have also funded a refurb, will they also get money from the profits?
She sounds like she is knowingly taking advantage and I couldn't stand that!

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 13/08/2025 08:20

Who pays what for council tax, water, electricity, gas, insurance? Is it based o. % ownership or use?

bigbreakfastclub · 13/08/2025 07:58

Can’t wait for an update at the weekend 🤣

Personperson · 13/08/2025 07:56

Take it home screw them!

Goldengirl123 · 13/08/2025 07:54

DelphiniumBlue · 11/08/2025 18:10

I would leave a little bit of supplies, eg one toilet roll, a dishwasher tab, a few tea bags or instant coffee, but put away the rest.

I was about to say just this. Leave one thing each in original packaging and put the rest in containers in the case. It would be interesting to see if when she has to shop to replace things whether she leaves then for you!

bigbreakfastclub · 13/08/2025 07:52

hmmnotreallysure · 11/08/2025 18:34

Would you be better off bringing the majority of the food home with you? If you did stash it and sil found it then it might cause tension. Just pack up all the food and then see if they do a shop and leave any of it there themselves then you can use their stuff next time.

Yes I would take as much home in car as possible, then you can bring back.
itll be interesting to see if she leaves much on next visit. What a cheek.

Mirabai · 13/08/2025 07:45

Put the loo roll in there as well.

TinyFlamingo · 13/08/2025 07:45

Oh hell no, you split the bill at lunch - absolutely not! You say right at the beginning to the waiters in front we'll have 2 bills please! X

TinyFlamingo · 13/08/2025 07:43

Hey. Just to give you the heads up. You'll need to do a shop of the essentials as we haven't replaced the day today stuff like usual.

We're finding stocks are always run down when we visit and so let's all get in the habit of bringing our own stuff for our visits.

Hope you have a great trip!

Treat it like centre parks you literally have to bring everything! They'll learn the freeloading stops here!

MrBeanMustBeMyDad · 13/08/2025 07:37

DelphiniumBlue · 11/08/2025 18:10

I would leave a little bit of supplies, eg one toilet roll, a dishwasher tab, a few tea bags or instant coffee, but put away the rest.

See this would be my line of thinking, I'd start to leave annoying amounts of things.
3 tea bags,
2 dishwasher tablets,
Enough toilet roll that they'd be OK for a day or a few wees.
Really inconvenience them to the point they have to go and buy their own stuff

Yerdug · 13/08/2025 07:33

I'm all for you being a petty Betty! Do it!

thepariscrimefiles · 13/08/2025 07:32

ChangerMonNom · 12/08/2025 19:00

Small update. SIL is now coming down early Sunday so we can buy her and her DP lunch have lunch together before we leave, so I may have some live reports then. Will have to hold my nerve when she notices lack of expected items in house

She is ridiculous. I know that many adults will still expect their parents to pay when going out for meals, but your SIL is your DH's older sister. When did this dynamic start that she expects him to pay for her (and her partner I presume) and for him to treat her like she is one of his children.

She sounds like a very difficult and entitled person.

YippyKiYay · 13/08/2025 07:30

I'm only here for the update - OP I'm totally on team petty and can't wait to hear what happens on Sunday (do not pay for their lunch btw)

I'd go with 3 teabags and scungy hard coffee in the bottom of a jar, but no milk (your teenagers drank it all). Also, end of a TP roll, as in last few sheets, poor DS had a big poo just as you were packing up to leave, boy did it stink out the toilet, so you had to use the last of the air freshener on your way out.... #beingthoughtful
And have lunch on your way home. She's a serious CF who needs more than a hint. I love the suggestions of pasta/rice for one - perfect

If you do lock up your things, pls pls pls use a keyed lock, and then leave a old key ( that looks similar but isn't right) behind so she tries that lol!

Pinkcountrybumpkin · 13/08/2025 07:20

We have a similar sounding set up, but the place belongs entirely to my dad but family
benefit from use. His rules are replace what you use and don’t leave anything fresh. So there’s always pizza in the freezer, usually some chips or wedges/ ice cream, tins of beans/ spaghetti in the cupboard so we can fashion a dinner if we arrive late, but we know we need to bring anything fresh with us. Always leave a loo roll, for the next people and sundries like soap/ bin bags we just replace as required. I got here yesterday and used the last bin bag so I’ll get a roll when I do shopping today. But anything like cheese/ butter that I purchase I will take home any leftovers as that is the rules. Maybe consider doing something like this? It does also mean nothing goes off in the fridge.

healthybychristmas · 13/08/2025 06:58

ChangerMonNom · 12/08/2025 19:29

One time when we had dinner with them, she actually pulled the 'oops I seem to have left my card at home' line (pre Apple Pay days).

What about her husband? They can't have both forgotten their cards. Why don't you just make some sandwiches and say that you're going out for a meal later that evening when you get home?

cramptramp · 13/08/2025 06:55

ChangerMonNom · 12/08/2025 19:33

She also asks for doggie bags of other people's leftovers Confused. Sorry I'm on a roll now with the SIL hate

That is one of the meanest things I’ve heard.

Lighteningstrikes · 13/08/2025 06:30

Allswellthatendswelll · 11/08/2025 18:14

Just don't leave stuff (or leave a little bit) and put all the surplus in a bag you can then bring the next time you go.

I wouldn't lock stuff up it's asking for a row!

This.

boredoflaundry · 13/08/2025 06:28

Take stuff home or hide it away early.
if they’re coming Sunday, are you also leaving Sunday?
to not be entirely petty and start WW3, you could text her on Saturday evening and say “house seems to be running low on “xyz” and we won’t be doing as shop now as we’re out for lunch tomorrow & then heading home”.
gives them opportunity to buy at “usual” supermarket, rather than village shop prices.

then you’ll have some idea and have opened a conversation around letting you know what’s left when they leave!
they’ll probably leave nothing! You could make your point for a visit or two & see if they figure it out. I’d stop buying them fresh milk. That FEELS like you’re hosting them as a guest, rather than a shared space.

Francestein · 13/08/2025 06:04

Why the fuck haven’t you said something to this parasite? Time to make her accountable… “Lunch cost us £X. Here’s the account number, please transfer your half.”
Take your own doggie bags - every time. Start charging her for the cleaner/cleaning products/utilities, etc.
Make sure you have EVERYTHING re shares/ownership in writing.

Thelaundryfairyhasbeenassassinated · 13/08/2025 03:32

Please do not buy them lunch and please save yourself the stress of potentially having no loo roll and stash it away!