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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To lock up all our food etc when we leave

882 replies

ChangerMonNom · 11/08/2025 18:05

We share a holiday cottage with DH family (his parents, older sister and partner) and use it at different times. For clarity- everyone contributes financially but DH and I the most as we are a family of four and earn more also.

In the summer holidays, we tend to go up the first few weeks of august, then head home. At this point, SIL and partner will come and use it. They probably use it more than us in total as they have no kids so can go during term time also, and can WFH so tend to have lots of mini breaks throughout the year.

When we leave, we make sure place is spotless and leave fresh milk (if SIL due to arrive), eggs, coffee, occasionally some treats and always whatever is left of all purchases (cooking oil, laundry powder, condiments, kitchen roll, plentiful loo roll).

On the flip side, SIL and partner will use all our stuff up and not replace it, meaning we often arrive late evening and find we are missing eg oil to cook dinner or even toilet roll.

We have mentioned this politely a few times but got no meaningful response (other than to say ‘it’s just the two of us, we hardly use anything’) This 100 per cent won’t be just thoughtlessness on their part - SIL is notoriously tight.

Anyway- we are due to pack up Sunday and I am considering putting all store cupboard items in a combination lockable suitcase and keeping them stashed away until our return. They will no doubt notice this as they take for granted things like salt and dishwasher tabs being available.

DH told me not to he so petty and ‘go high’, but honestly I’m fed up of SIL and her partner’s behaviour and this might be the only way to make them see what they are doing (although to he perfectly honest, I will slightly enjoy pissing them off).

So who’s right MN?

OP posts:
TalkToTheHand123 · 13/08/2025 12:18

I'd leave empty boxes.

ShortColdandGrey · 13/08/2025 11:54

ChangerMonNom · 12/08/2025 19:29

One time when we had dinner with them, she actually pulled the 'oops I seem to have left my card at home' line (pre Apple Pay days).

My Ex BIL used to do this all the time. The last time we were out for dinner with them he did this and my friend said since she wasn't drinking and had her car she will nip him up the road to get it 😂It was brilliant and he was raging but she made him go home and get his wallet.

MixedBananas · 13/08/2025 11:52

I don't think that's is perry. Lock up non perishables in your room or wherever and leave the perishables or take them home with you to use. If it comes up in conversation then either be frank with them or just act like you have no idea.

Shinyandnew1 · 13/08/2025 11:52

If she's arriving before you leave, text her and say there's no provisions in the house, can she stop at a bakery and buy some made up rolls for lunch?

Cherrytree86 · 13/08/2025 11:46

If your husband doesn’t want things to change he can continue to subsidise his tight arse, rude sister with his OWN money. Not money that comes out of your joint account.

Londonmummy66 · 13/08/2025 11:42

Perhaps we could put together a list of the most annoying pass agg things to leave behind.

1 tea bag
1 inch of rock hard coffee
Salt in the sugar jar
One handful of pasta
A quarter of a loo roll
One dishwasher tab (but plenty of washing up liquid so the tight arse can spend her holiday washing by hand)
Some gone off milk
I laundry tab

Also "accidentally" pack the lead for the kettle.........................

FormidableMizzP · 13/08/2025 11:39

ChangerMonNom · 12/08/2025 19:33

She also asks for doggie bags of other people's leftovers Confused. Sorry I'm on a roll now with the SIL hate

SiL needs a lesson in manners - "Kingsman" style 😉
Can't wait for the update!

FormidableMizzP · 13/08/2025 11:32

DiscoBob · 11/08/2025 18:49

Bring all the half used cooking oil, laundry powder and other opened dried products home with you.

Otherwise just let them use it. They obviously presumed that's what it was there for. If you didn't leave it they'd supply their own.

To 'lock away' an opened box of persil of half used washing up liquid seems unnecessarily petty. If you don't want them to use it take it with back home.

These people are your family, you seem like you're a bit annoyed with them in general. As sharing household products in a holiday home shouldn't really cause such discord.
Is that the case?

Edited

Maybe try reading the post properly.
They've been more than reasonable already and tried it that way but SiL and partner, use it all and leave nothing for anyone else to use.
Time to teach SiL some manners!

Dippythedino · 13/08/2025 11:18

Shinyandnew1 · 13/08/2025 10:14

Small update. SIL is now coming down early Sunday so we can buy her and her DP lunch have lunch together

This sounds like you already know you're going to pay for everyone?!

Man up!

Leave before she arrives and stop for a glorious lunch before heading home.

Then send her a photo of your lunch with the caption "wish you were here".

FormidableMizzP · 13/08/2025 11:17

You are right! I'd leave 1 toilet roll, dishwasher tablet etc., bare minimum.
Am guessing your DH does not plan, buy or pack for your trips? So easy for HIM to say leave it then. His sister (and partner!) will never learn unless you leave the bare minimum. She behaves like a spoilt little sister, not an older sister.

Seems like they think it's their cabin, not shared ownership.

HeadDeskHeadDesk · 13/08/2025 11:08

ChangerMonNom · 12/08/2025 19:00

Small update. SIL is now coming down early Sunday so we can buy her and her DP lunch have lunch together before we leave, so I may have some live reports then. Will have to hold my nerve when she notices lack of expected items in house

Well certainly do not offer to pay for lunch, that would be a good start to this new regime. And tell your DH he's not to offer to pay for lunch either.

HellonHeels · 13/08/2025 10:57

Paganpentacle · 13/08/2025 09:51

One teabag.
half an onion.

oh yes, tired veg is a good call.

APC303 · 13/08/2025 10:40

SIL is a CF. Really invested in this thread now!

Notquitethetruth · 13/08/2025 10:34

ChangerMonNom · 12/08/2025 19:33

She also asks for doggie bags of other people's leftovers Confused. Sorry I'm on a roll now with the SIL hate

If it's helping you, keep going.
Sell the property and buy your own. I dread to think what she'll be like if she has children

Shinyandnew1 · 13/08/2025 10:18

One time when we had dinner with them, she actually pulled the 'oops I seem to have left my card at home' line (pre Apple Pay days).

Her husband forgot his card as well? And you didn't just text them the amount afterwards?

Francestein · 13/08/2025 10:16

Tell her she’s paying for lunch because you covered the last one.

Shinyandnew1 · 13/08/2025 10:14

Small update. SIL is now coming down early Sunday so we can buy her and her DP lunch have lunch together

This sounds like you already know you're going to pay for everyone?!

Man up!

AnonymousBleep · 13/08/2025 10:11

CFs like this do justify their behaviour to themselves - my sister is the same. 'Oh, Bleep is better off than me, therefore she can pay for everything/look after my kids/listen to me whinge about my life until her brains are dribbling out of her ears.'

I'm not actually even much better off than her, but in her head I am, and that's what counts.

Your SIL will think you're being soooo mean, as you're rich enough to afford 70% of the cottage and a cleaner, and she's entitled to a piece of that.

AguNwaanyi · 13/08/2025 10:10

Lock your stuff up or take it with you.

Your husband probably doesn't want any potential tension with his sister but he's not really asking you to go high, he's asking you to just let it go and continue this one-sided consideration that you are not happy with.

If they ask you can just be upfront and say that you had hoped that both parties could consider each other with keeping the cottage stocked with provisions but this has been one-sided so far so you decided that it makes more sense that all parties instead stock for themselves.

ThisHeartySloth · 13/08/2025 10:09

Are you going out for lunch on Sunday, or are you cooking? You could ask them to bring specific items to add to the meal if you're eating in the house, so it's more shared.

WindyRoses · 13/08/2025 10:03

Robin67 · 12/08/2025 19:08

Please, please, please... when you sit down, can you say to the waiter "separate bills please"... If she starts to say " that's ridiculous" then chime in with "oh that's so generous, boys say thanks to auntie cheapbint, isn't she kind". Any awkwardness just explain it with "sorry, I thought you were trying to say that you are going to pay for us this time, never mind we will pay...as usual"

THIS 100%

Paganpentacle · 13/08/2025 09:51

wimonnzy · 11/08/2025 18:13

I could play games with this. One dishwasher tab, one washing gel tab, a bit of salt n pepper, the end of a bag of pasta and a few sheets on a toilet roll, use your imagination. Just enough to keep them from saying you were MEAN, when in fact it is they that are tight.

Have fun!

One teabag.
half an onion.

ednaclouda · 13/08/2025 09:49

REDB99 · 11/08/2025 18:10

I vote for the pettiness. Their type of behaviour is infuriating!

I'd be very annoyed
why is SIL so thoughtless
yep lock it all up

LittleWeasel · 13/08/2025 09:44

I’d leave well before lunchtime, before she arrives, so she has to buy her own lunch. Say you had to get home for an emergency (the emergency being not paying for her lunch).

I’d but the cheapest thinnest loo roll, tea bags and budget dishwasher washer tabs just to leave behind for SIL (pack rest in a box to put out on other occasions when she is staying after you). Only buy naice loo roll and decent washing tabs etc. for your family to use.

Slightyamusedandsilly · 13/08/2025 09:21

ChangerMonNom · 12/08/2025 19:00

Small update. SIL is now coming down early Sunday so we can buy her and her DP lunch have lunch together before we leave, so I may have some live reports then. Will have to hold my nerve when she notices lack of expected items in house

I am agog to hear this!!! Sad I know 😆

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