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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To lock up all our food etc when we leave

882 replies

ChangerMonNom · 11/08/2025 18:05

We share a holiday cottage with DH family (his parents, older sister and partner) and use it at different times. For clarity- everyone contributes financially but DH and I the most as we are a family of four and earn more also.

In the summer holidays, we tend to go up the first few weeks of august, then head home. At this point, SIL and partner will come and use it. They probably use it more than us in total as they have no kids so can go during term time also, and can WFH so tend to have lots of mini breaks throughout the year.

When we leave, we make sure place is spotless and leave fresh milk (if SIL due to arrive), eggs, coffee, occasionally some treats and always whatever is left of all purchases (cooking oil, laundry powder, condiments, kitchen roll, plentiful loo roll).

On the flip side, SIL and partner will use all our stuff up and not replace it, meaning we often arrive late evening and find we are missing eg oil to cook dinner or even toilet roll.

We have mentioned this politely a few times but got no meaningful response (other than to say ‘it’s just the two of us, we hardly use anything’) This 100 per cent won’t be just thoughtlessness on their part - SIL is notoriously tight.

Anyway- we are due to pack up Sunday and I am considering putting all store cupboard items in a combination lockable suitcase and keeping them stashed away until our return. They will no doubt notice this as they take for granted things like salt and dishwasher tabs being available.

DH told me not to he so petty and ‘go high’, but honestly I’m fed up of SIL and her partner’s behaviour and this might be the only way to make them see what they are doing (although to he perfectly honest, I will slightly enjoy pissing them off).

So who’s right MN?

OP posts:
LoveItaly · 11/08/2025 18:54

Just leave the place as you found it, that’s what I’d do.

Eyesopenwideawake · 11/08/2025 18:53

I'd usually advise you to rise above it. But fuck that for a game of soldiers! Leave one used teabag and an empty loo roll. Ha.

RedToothBrush · 11/08/2025 18:53

ChangerMonNom · 11/08/2025 18:50

Ok ive just put a box of teabags and some olive oil in the suitcase that I know we won't get round to using, just to see how it 'feels'.

The combination is currently DS2's bday( but given she never sends him a card or present, I'd say she won't guess Hmm). Still I should probably figure out how to change it.

Heres the thing. She won't even know there is stuff in the suitcase.

It will just look like you used it all. Like every time she does it.

So she can't actuaally complain, because she's done it before and she doesn't know youve put it in the suitcase deliberately.

Melonjuice · 11/08/2025 18:52

OtterlyMad · 11/08/2025 18:11

YANBU. They would have to be very bold to complain, but if they do, you can say “it’s just the two of you, you hardly need anything”. 🙃

This
and take the lockable suitcase home with you - bring it back when you are next there
leave them one bog roll a couple tea bags a dishwasher tab
that way they will have to buy or bring their own replacements . Your DH is being unreasonable. it’s not your job to pay for them - you have four children to pay for, what they are doing is unfair. I wouldn’t dream of doing that. Whatever you earn is irrelevant also. They’ve gotten used to the free supplies it seems

whynotwhatknot · 11/08/2025 18:51

youve tried asking and it got you nowhere so yeah be petty

TheOGBethDuttton · 11/08/2025 18:51

ChangerMonNom · 11/08/2025 18:45

@ThatCyanSheep I guess the beauty of a holiday cottage instead of air bnb is that we leave lots of stuff there eg underwear, few changes of clothes, toothbrushes, so we don't actually have to pack things from home - ideally not oil or salt and pepper either!

Oh fuck that. Keep a small bag of oil, S&P, loo roll and another 24 hours of basics in your car, leave the tightwads with nothing, as they do for you! Next time they bring it up, say 'oh SIL, but as you know, we're a family of 4. We used everything WE purchased'.

Daftypants · 11/08/2025 18:51

I’d leave a few tea bags ,some coffee , sugar , salt and pepper but take the rest home .
I would leave one or 2 loo rolls for each toilet , maybe 4 / 5 dishwasher tabs and one or 2 laundry pods because that’s pretty much what would be left in a holiday rental.
The arriving to no supplies because they’d used everything up and hadn’t replaced it would drive me nuts

ChangerMonNom · 11/08/2025 18:50

Ok ive just put a box of teabags and some olive oil in the suitcase that I know we won't get round to using, just to see how it 'feels'.

The combination is currently DS2's bday( but given she never sends him a card or present, I'd say she won't guess Hmm). Still I should probably figure out how to change it.

OP posts:
DiscoBob · 11/08/2025 18:49

Bring all the half used cooking oil, laundry powder and other opened dried products home with you.

Otherwise just let them use it. They obviously presumed that's what it was there for. If you didn't leave it they'd supply their own.

To 'lock away' an opened box of persil of half used washing up liquid seems unnecessarily petty. If you don't want them to use it take it with back home.

These people are your family, you seem like you're a bit annoyed with them in general. As sharing household products in a holiday home shouldn't really cause such discord.
Is that the case?

Bigsigh24 · 11/08/2025 18:48

ChangerMonNom · 11/08/2025 18:05

We share a holiday cottage with DH family (his parents, older sister and partner) and use it at different times. For clarity- everyone contributes financially but DH and I the most as we are a family of four and earn more also.

In the summer holidays, we tend to go up the first few weeks of august, then head home. At this point, SIL and partner will come and use it. They probably use it more than us in total as they have no kids so can go during term time also, and can WFH so tend to have lots of mini breaks throughout the year.

When we leave, we make sure place is spotless and leave fresh milk (if SIL due to arrive), eggs, coffee, occasionally some treats and always whatever is left of all purchases (cooking oil, laundry powder, condiments, kitchen roll, plentiful loo roll).

On the flip side, SIL and partner will use all our stuff up and not replace it, meaning we often arrive late evening and find we are missing eg oil to cook dinner or even toilet roll.

We have mentioned this politely a few times but got no meaningful response (other than to say ‘it’s just the two of us, we hardly use anything’) This 100 per cent won’t be just thoughtlessness on their part - SIL is notoriously tight.

Anyway- we are due to pack up Sunday and I am considering putting all store cupboard items in a combination lockable suitcase and keeping them stashed away until our return. They will no doubt notice this as they take for granted things like salt and dishwasher tabs being available.

DH told me not to he so petty and ‘go high’, but honestly I’m fed up of SIL and her partner’s behaviour and this might be the only way to make them see what they are doing (although to he perfectly honest, I will slightly enjoy pissing them off).

So who’s right MN?

Agree with you, don’t leave it or lock it away, otherwise it just builds resentment. It would greatly pee me off also , with you on this one x

Owly11 · 11/08/2025 18:48

3 teabags, half a toilet roll, 1 dishwasher tab and any emptyish bottles of oil etc. Take everything else home, then you are completely beyond reproach. Good luck!

viques · 11/08/2025 18:48

oncemoreuntothebeachdearfriends · 11/08/2025 18:43

Great! That would make the tea curdle .

Oh dear, never thought of that. 😇. But it’s ok, there is a very old packet of dried milk in the back of the cupboard, they can use that and make a very weak pot of tea with Teabag 3.

Elle771 · 11/08/2025 18:46

Just following to find out what you decide to do tbh 😅🙈

oncemoreuntothebeachdearfriends · 11/08/2025 18:46

I let a close friend use my holiday property - it was about 3 miles from any sort of shop.

She used all my fucking TAMPAX without replacing it.

twilightcafe · 11/08/2025 18:46

MotherOfCrocodiles · 11/08/2025 18:43

Do you think they are taking your stuff home with them?

Yes!

Onelifeonly · 11/08/2025 18:45

Well ideally, they'd cooperate, so I'd be really annoyed too. I think it would be best to leave the bare minimum and take anything else home, rather than lock it away which might appear too pointed. That way you aren't leaving them without but they aren't gaining much either.

Can you keep a bag / box of the essentials ready packed at home for the next time you visit, so it's as easy for you as possible? (We had years of sharing a holiday cottage so I know the packing required can be significant.)

twilightcafe · 11/08/2025 18:45

DelphiniumBlue · 11/08/2025 18:10

I would leave a little bit of supplies, eg one toilet roll, a dishwasher tab, a few tea bags or instant coffee, but put away the rest.

This! So you're still being generous, but they can't take the piss.

RedToothBrush · 11/08/2025 18:45

Littleredgoat · 11/08/2025 18:09

Well it's his sister so he knows if this is likely to cause an absolute row. For the sake of a few sundries he might not think it's worth up ending the agreement over.

If the holiday cottage causes too much family drama the call may be made to get rid of it.

Don't let it be easier to say no to you.

If he doesn't want an argument he needs to resolve the problem not expect his wife to suck up his sister's selfishness.

I'm with the OP.

BE PETTY.

Its a sure fire way to focus his mind and to get his sister not to be a twat.

MaryGreenhill · 11/08/2025 18:45

Take it all with you and feign ignorance if challenged.@ChangerMonNom

SutekhsEars · 11/08/2025 18:45

I'd leave one teabag between the two of them! 😆

ChangerMonNom · 11/08/2025 18:45

@ThatCyanSheep I guess the beauty of a holiday cottage instead of air bnb is that we leave lots of stuff there eg underwear, few changes of clothes, toothbrushes, so we don't actually have to pack things from home - ideally not oil or salt and pepper either!

OP posts:
YesTonightJosephine · 11/08/2025 18:44

And OP do not do a 'kitty' as it is not going to work one bit especially as SIL is 'tight' ...

WeatherDependant · 11/08/2025 18:43

wimonnzy · 11/08/2025 18:13

I could play games with this. One dishwasher tab, one washing gel tab, a bit of salt n pepper, the end of a bag of pasta and a few sheets on a toilet roll, use your imagination. Just enough to keep them from saying you were MEAN, when in fact it is they that are tight.

Have fun!

best idea

Buffypaws · 11/08/2025 18:43

ew yes be as petty as possible

MotherOfCrocodiles · 11/08/2025 18:43

Do you think they are taking your stuff home with them?

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