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AIBU?

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To lock up all our food etc when we leave

906 replies

ChangerMonNom · 11/08/2025 18:05

We share a holiday cottage with DH family (his parents, older sister and partner) and use it at different times. For clarity- everyone contributes financially but DH and I the most as we are a family of four and earn more also.

In the summer holidays, we tend to go up the first few weeks of august, then head home. At this point, SIL and partner will come and use it. They probably use it more than us in total as they have no kids so can go during term time also, and can WFH so tend to have lots of mini breaks throughout the year.

When we leave, we make sure place is spotless and leave fresh milk (if SIL due to arrive), eggs, coffee, occasionally some treats and always whatever is left of all purchases (cooking oil, laundry powder, condiments, kitchen roll, plentiful loo roll).

On the flip side, SIL and partner will use all our stuff up and not replace it, meaning we often arrive late evening and find we are missing eg oil to cook dinner or even toilet roll.

We have mentioned this politely a few times but got no meaningful response (other than to say ‘it’s just the two of us, we hardly use anything’) This 100 per cent won’t be just thoughtlessness on their part - SIL is notoriously tight.

Anyway- we are due to pack up Sunday and I am considering putting all store cupboard items in a combination lockable suitcase and keeping them stashed away until our return. They will no doubt notice this as they take for granted things like salt and dishwasher tabs being available.

DH told me not to he so petty and ‘go high’, but honestly I’m fed up of SIL and her partner’s behaviour and this might be the only way to make them see what they are doing (although to he perfectly honest, I will slightly enjoy pissing them off).

So who’s right MN?

OP posts:
Cherrytree86 · 12/08/2025 20:46

ChickenChow · 12/08/2025 20:28

Can you do bread, cheese and salad for lunch at the house?

@ChickenChow

?

ChickenChow · 12/08/2025 20:28

Can you do bread, cheese and salad for lunch at the house?

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 12/08/2025 20:22

@ChangerMonNom get your stuff packed up and away before she arrives!! find an old loo roll cardboard and wind 4 sheets onto it! take tea bags salt and dishwash tabs away into your car!

GiantTeddyIsTired · 12/08/2025 20:18

people who are that mean have no shame about it. They just think they're being sensible and you're profligate.

All you can do is whatever it takes to not resent her. I still think carefully leaving for her exactly what she left for you. That would give me enough satisfaction that I didn't feel taken advantage of, but also wouldn't be me being actively petty to her, so I would also feel OK about that.

FartyAnimal · 12/08/2025 20:15

Take it home or lock it away.

ReadingSoManyThreads · 12/08/2025 20:14

Was it her idea to come have lunch together? If so, I'd make excuses the night before to DH that you want to leave before lunch or that you don't feel like lunch or something. Because if you do all go to lunch, DH will pay for his leech sister.

Would DH really be ok with making his sister pay her their own meals? Sounds like he's likely a pushover with her, hence why she continually takes the piss.

JoshLymanSwagger · 12/08/2025 20:06

dapsnotplimsolls · 12/08/2025 20:06

Make sure everyone has a teeny-tiny breakfast so you eat every last bit of lunch.

Or have a huge breakfast so you don't need lunch.

dapsnotplimsolls · 12/08/2025 20:06

ChangerMonNom · 12/08/2025 19:33

She also asks for doggie bags of other people's leftovers Confused. Sorry I'm on a roll now with the SIL hate

Make sure everyone has a teeny-tiny breakfast so you eat every last bit of lunch.

PassTheLemonDrizzle · 12/08/2025 20:00

OP- I completely get that you’re feeling frustrated – it’s a tough situation to be in. The thing is, strangers on the internet will happily stoke the fire and then sit back and enjoy watching the drama unfold. But, this is not their lives. These are your in-laws, so however unfair it feels, there’s a good chance you will be painted as the bad guy. Longer term, your DC will become adults who will want to use the house with friends, partners or their own children to so it’s worth thinking ahead. Setting reasonable ground rules now, calmly and clearly, might help avoid a full-blown family fallout later. Wishing you all the best.

Carriemac · 12/08/2025 19:58

ChangerMonNom · 12/08/2025 19:33

She also asks for doggie bags of other people's leftovers Confused. Sorry I'm on a roll now with the SIL hate

That’s rank

lemonraspberry · 12/08/2025 19:56

So as well as removing many of the extras she expects like tea bags, milk etc, you could up the ante and leave random stuff such as 5 tea towels, can of beans, a candle (but no matches), old magazines if you have them.

Myjobisridiculous · 12/08/2025 19:53

ChangerMonNom · 12/08/2025 19:29

One time when we had dinner with them, she actually pulled the 'oops I seem to have left my card at home' line (pre Apple Pay days).

She’s masquerading as my MIL
Dont be fooled !

momtoboys · 12/08/2025 19:48

They have been taking the piss for however how long they have been doing it. You are not required to pay for items for their stay.

Alacartemenu · 12/08/2025 19:46

ChangerMonNom · 12/08/2025 19:00

Small update. SIL is now coming down early Sunday so we can buy her and her DP lunch have lunch together before we leave, so I may have some live reports then. Will have to hold my nerve when she notices lack of expected items in house

Why would you pay for their lunch? they have profited off you and your husband loads already. People treat you as you let yourself be treated

latetothefisting · 12/08/2025 19:44

nomas · 12/08/2025 12:06

Definitely lock up the food.

And save up to buy them out of their 30%. And if they refuse, sell the property and buy your own.

What a complete overreaction and stupid idea

a) bit of a financial difference between the cost of a few teabags and a third of an entire property! nose, bite, spite, face...

b) why do you think they would they even agree to be bought out? It's not like OP can make a compulsory purchase order!

c) OP's DH doesn't even want to risk arguments by making his sister buy her own teabags, ffs, he's not going to piss off his whole family by selling their holiday home from underneath them

d) not to mention they can't unilaterally decide to sell a property they jointly own

e) OP has 2 kids, I'm sure she has better things to spend money on than a holiday home they don't even make much use of

tommyhoundmum · 12/08/2025 19:44

Myjobisridiculous · 12/08/2025 19:03

Just say they’ve all been used up by everyone else. And you only had the last scrapings!

I'm looking forward to this

Daleksatemyshed · 12/08/2025 19:40

When they seat you ask your server for separate bills but on the quiet, you can enjoy watching them order the expensive stuff knowing you're not paying for it. When your SIL queries it just tell her there's only two of them and they don't need much and you'd hate them to have to pay for your sons

JustSawJohnny · 12/08/2025 19:39

ChangerMonNom · 12/08/2025 19:00

Small update. SIL is now coming down early Sunday so we can buy her and her DP lunch have lunch together before we leave, so I may have some live reports then. Will have to hold my nerve when she notices lack of expected items in house

Easy to prepare for. Forget your own purse but miraculously have just enough cash on you to pay for you and DH's lunch. Even easier to just ask the waiter to split the bill.

Again, you've clearly allowed this CFery to carry on for quite some time, whereas most people would stamp it out quickly.

It's one thing 'taking the high road' and quite another to allow a family member to take the piss to the point that paying for their lunch and accepting they never replace items becomes 'the norm'.

Someone2025 · 12/08/2025 19:38

ChangerMonNom · 12/08/2025 19:00

Small update. SIL is now coming down early Sunday so we can buy her and her DP lunch have lunch together before we leave, so I may have some live reports then. Will have to hold my nerve when she notices lack of expected items in house

On the morning, text them and say something came up and ye had to leave early

ChocolateCinderToffee · 12/08/2025 19:33

Robin67 · 12/08/2025 19:08

Please, please, please... when you sit down, can you say to the waiter "separate bills please"... If she starts to say " that's ridiculous" then chime in with "oh that's so generous, boys say thanks to auntie cheapbint, isn't she kind". Any awkwardness just explain it with "sorry, I thought you were trying to say that you are going to pay for us this time, never mind we will pay...as usual"

This. Please don’t buy her lunch.

ChangerMonNom · 12/08/2025 19:33

She also asks for doggie bags of other people's leftovers Confused. Sorry I'm on a roll now with the SIL hate

OP posts:
Silvertulips · 12/08/2025 19:29

I agree - don’t buy lunch - Go and pay your share when you’ve done and say to present it to - what did PP call her ? auntie cheapbint

ChangerMonNom · 12/08/2025 19:29

One time when we had dinner with them, she actually pulled the 'oops I seem to have left my card at home' line (pre Apple Pay days).

OP posts:
FioFioSILK · 12/08/2025 19:28

Oh well that's very different. Id expect each family to have their own cupboard for supplies. Does worry me that they have their feet firmly under the table with only a 30% stake and it's been refurbed at OP expense. And they are allowed to help themselves...not surprised at irritation but also bigger issue of them taking advantage.

PotatoLove · 12/08/2025 19:20

And please don't pay for their lunches. Ask for separate bills at the start.