Friend's hurtful comments about my weight

Totally agree. What kind of thing would she come out with when you're parent. She sounds so judgey. Call time on her.

I agree - although your sis went about it in a immature and annoying way, by not ignoring it she didn’t give you the opportunity to delude yourself into thinking ‘well nobody’s said anything so it can’t be that bad’.

I guess it's down to you to decide if you think she was trying to be malicious or made a genuine error of judgement

What jumped out at me is that you describe yourself in your OP as “a bigger girl”. Which sounds exactly like someone minimising how big they actually are. You don’t say your height or build but a size 20 is very very overweight. Perhaps you were more breathless or struggling more that when she last saw you. Only you know.

Again, these people may not think they have a problem, but they are not ignorant of the fact they have gotten bigger. If your clothes don't fit anymore, that's impossible to ignore.

This would be the end of the friendship for me!! I’d never trust her judgement again tbh. I think it’s so so rude! You obviously aren’t close enough that you’re discussing you trying for a baby so I don’t see why your weight would be up for discussion. I’d be done!

When you say from another country could there be a cultural difference? I have a couple of Nigerian friend’s and they will say things like this but it’s not a judgemental thing they would just want the person to be healthy because they care about them. I understand why you are upset though

She may not have had an idea of exactly how big she has gotten, but she would undoubtedly know that she had gotten bigger. That's what I take issue with. People who are trying to be "helpful" think that the person whose weight they judge, has absolutely no idea they have gotten bigger and that's just nonsense.

The only thing I can think of to mitigate the rudeness, and cowardice of the way she didn't say it to your face...would be if she's recently been indoctrinated into WW and is being made to spam people to join? It's kind of like an MLM I think so she could've been 'suckered in'?

Otherwise why be so specific about the method you should use. Why not just say go on a diet, go on ozempic? I mean she shouldn't say anything at all obviously. But I guess I'm trying to think of what motivated her to say it in that way.

I hope you can get over it though. It would be a shame to lose your entire friendship. Make it clear it was hurtful and hopefully she'll apologise, understand and never mention your weight again. Or anyone else's.

I used to be obese. The only person who ever mentioned it was one of my sisters, who used to nag me when I ate rubbish. It was very hurtful and annoying at the time.

Several years later, with a lot of work, I was down to a healthy BMI. Looking back I'm grateful to my sister. She at least tried to help even if she went about it in the wrong way.

It’s rude. People who are over weight know they are over weight, they don’t need to be told & sent links for exercises ffs. That is so insulting! As if you’re too thick to realise… it would end the friendship for me.

She probably shouldn't have said anything because she couldn’t predict how you might take it (which she should have considered). I have a friend who is very overweight but I would never say anything because a) she’s never asked my opinion and b) she’s an adult, she knows and doesn’t need me pointing it out.

You know your friend enough to know if it was a badly thought out piece of (unasked for) advice or an in-character bitchy comment. If it was your sister and not a friend who said it would you permanently cut communication with her?

If you don’t mind me asking how much weight/dress sizes have you gained over the 7 years she hasn’t seen you? If it’s crept on, you won’t have noticed it to the extent she has.

I’m going against the grain to say that I think she did it out of genuine concern and most likely thought not telling you in person would be better as it wouldn’t put you on the spot. I don’t think there’s ever a ‘best’ way to say these things.

I never understand people who won’t tell someone something because ‘they already know’. Maybe they are scared and desperate for a loved one to acknowledge there’s an issue so they can help tackle it together. If my child was becoming obese there is no way I’d not say anything.

Hello Green My friend is korean. She is always friendly and kind .Very polite as well .Pretty sure she doesnt go around talking about peoples weight!

I missed this bit when I first read your post, OP, and I think it’s important:

I told her it wasn't something I wanted to discuss and she was apologetic. But I feel like the friendship has changed now. What was once a safe space for me, is now destroyed

She has apologised to you and you’ve told her you don’t want to discuss your weight. You’ve both spoken and now hopefully understand each other: you’ve clearly communicated you don’t want to talk about your weight and she has apologised. I’d move forward from this.

I’ve mentioned something to a friend before (nothing to do with weight or appearance, but related to a difficult personal situation that caused me concern for her). She said she didn’t want to discuss it; I apologised and we moved on. Our friendship now is just the same, but I feel we’re both grateful for each other’s honesty, and that deeper connection that showed we were true friends.

She probably didn’t mention it to you at the time as she was struggling about how to phrase it or waiting for you to mention it. It would have taken a lot for her to say something. Unless her replies to you have shown she’s just being mean or judgey, I’d take her concern in the spirit in which it was given.

This^

Opinions are like willies, completely fine to have one but don't go waving it around unsolicited.

It’s a really difficult one because if I had a friend who was obese then I would be truly concerned about their health, I would absolutely be thinking it but don’t think I would ever say it and I’m not sure if that is better or worse.

As a side note though weight loss is one of the best things you can do to boost your fertility.

What annoys me even more is I'm treated different now I've actually lost the weight naturally 🙈 people are so much nicer to you. I can't imagine treating someone different due to their size

I guess she hasn’t seen you for a while and she got a shock when she saw you. It takes a very brave (or insensitive) friend to mention another’s weight though. She probably thinks she owes it to you to say something, but I can totally understand the humiliation.

FWIW, one of my friendship group is really fat and gets fatter each year. I think we all feel concern she’s ruining her health but not one of us ever brings it up. What we do, though, is talk about her size behind her back. That’s probably much worse than being brave enough to say something to her face.

I think this kind of "passive" comment is bitchiness ,dressed up as "caring".I am overweight myself,I have a mirror and dresses . so I know what size I am! How is her life going OP? Does she have a BF or family. Does she have a "good" job.I think if it were me I would cool this faux "friendship" right back .At best she is tactless at worst a bit of a bitch! See your other friends and concentrate on them /DH right now

I'm not sure why people think it's their right to comment and judge based on weight.
So many times I've had comments from my SIL about starting mounjaro. I've never even mentioned my weight

I would not comment on anyone’s weight, full stop. I would find it very difficult to maintain this friendship having also suffered an ED in the past.