Friend's hurtful comments about my weight

Yes, it's REALLY awful! It's astounding someone thinks otherwise.

On one hand commenting about someone’s weight is rude . Op obviously knows that she is overweight and does not want this pointed out .
On the other hand , OP’s friend may think that she is acting in op’s best interest . She may genuinely be concerned about OP’s health

A completely opposing view, but coming from a kind place - like your friend presumably meant it to.

OP I think it must have taken a lot for your friend to have said this. And I think it sounds like it is coming from a good place - she did not say it to make you feel hurt or upset, she is genuinely worried about your health, and she must have known that saying something like this would cause you to feel upset. But she still loves you enough to want you to be healthier.

I wish someone had said something to me when I kept putting on weight instead of saying placating things like "oh we all carry a bit of extra weight" or "oh that is just a bad photo you don't look that big in real life" and if someone had taken me to one side and had a gentle word then perhaps I wouldn't have ended up 18 stone with high blood pressure / sugar / cholesterol.

We don't actually know what size OP is and the jabs aren't safe if you are ttc. It's up to OP- no one else's business or opinion.
I'm overweight. I know I'm overweight. I'd be completely mortified if a friend decided to stage an intervention! It's not tough love it's just rude.

I’m entitled to my opinion, just as you’re entitled to yours. Hope that helps

Yes it is awful, it's extremely rude. It's a comment on someone's appearance dressed up as concern for their health. Op hasn't mentioned any health problems to her friend, so it's purely a judgement based on how she looks. It's on a par with an unsolicited suggestion for someone get plastic surgery for their big nose.

Op, it's sad your friend puts so much value on how much someone weighs and she has lost or seriously damaged a good friendship due to her misguided views. You should tell her that.

What a rude cherky cow.
I really think she crossed a line.
Who on earth does she think she is.

Take time OP and ignore her messages as long as you like.
You owe her nothing.
Over time you can decide if you want her in your life.

If you wish you can text her that her unasked for observations are deeply offensive and you are taking space from the relationship.

So rude of her.

How rude!
I would tell her a few home truths and she can shove her comments and friendship where the sun doesn’t shine.
Never give unsolicited advice on someone’s appearance.

Some tough love coming up. Reframe this as your friend doing you a massive favour. She has obviously been thinking and worrying about this.

i am a bigger girl, or was until I lost 4 stone (on MJ of course!) I genuinely had nooo idea I was so large. I knew I was overweight but somehow I had normalised it. I look at my old clothes now and can’t believe they used to be tight on me.

I have tried everything to lose weight over the years, literally everything. I feel so much better now. More energy, increased self confidence and physically in better shape than I have been for 40 years.

Your friend must have felt she was taking a massive risk telling you, but she did it out of love. Whether you can use this as the spur to invest in your own health, or remain happy with how you are is your choice. Good luck.

How do you know the concern is 'faux'? You're making an assumption

Of course it’s awful. If OP discussed her weight at any time during the “friend’s” visit would be one thing but this message, was unnecessary, uncalled for, faux concerned and rude

OP I would send her an edited version of what you posted here. Whether you continue the friendship is a decision for another day. If she’s otherwise been a good friend, let this be strike one. If she upsets you again to the same or similar extent, I would adopt the “two strikes and you’re out” philosophy 💐

Not something to end the friendship over if she’s a good friend but definitely be honest about how it has made you feel!

Is it really awful though? It is awful that your feelings are hurt but I don’t think her comments were coming from a bad place and she seems like she genuinely wanted to help. Do you have the sort of friendship where you discuss other difficult subjects?

I think you have two options here that will serve to protect your boundaries and send yourself the message that you are safe to yourself.

The first is to end the friendship.

The second is to tell your friend how hurtful her comments were and how she has no right to ever speak to you that way again. Tell her that it has changed how you see her and how you feel about her friendship. Continue to be friends but on a less close basis - I.e. you might catch up with her once in a while to do something you both enjoy, but you won't have the same level of communication and trust. Over time, the friendship will naturally fade out OR your friend may make a huge effort to regain your trust.

I think that some (many?) people do lack understanding and empathy when it comes to weight issues. You see it on here all the time when posters talk about how they want to say something to their friend/sister/daughter etc (usually another woman) and have to be talked down by pp explaining why that would be hurtful, disrespectful, and counterproductive. It does not necessarily mean that they are bad people. Maybe they are trying to "help". But even if that's the case, you have the right to decide you do not want this person in your life any more or that the friendship has to change. Protect yourself.

I think sending you a message about your weight is out of order. But perhaps she’s worried about you, especially if you eat healthily and go to the gym and you are still overweight. Does she know about these various other factors?

If she’s a good friend I’d give her the benefit of doubt and assume she means well but handled it badly but I don’t know how you can move past it. I think I’d find it difficult too.

That's awful.

If she was so concerned why did she not open up a discussion while she was visiting rather than wait and send you messages about it after the event? Not that I'm excusing her critising your weight but not having the bottle to do it face to face makes it worse .

Honestly OP you really don't need this person in your life.

Yanbu that's awful. I don't think you need a friend like that!

Wow cheeky cow!!! I’d just not reply and consider the friendship done

I think I'd have to tell her how it's made me feel like you've said on here

Unless you want to just let her go?