I'm literally ready to scream. Girl with irritating mother pt 2

The mother clearly has NFI. You and the owner need to go all elf'n'safety on her arse - she must leave the decision to you, you have weighed the girl and looked at her build, considered her fitness and level of competence, she needs a horse like Carol to get the best experience and for her to be as she as possible.

If she leaves you a shit review... I make a policy of reading shit reviews. I was booking the DC and me in once for a ride, on holiday, at a place we'd never been to before. There were a lot of lovely glowing reviews and one shit one ('The horse was too big for me... very badly trained... kept trying to run... I was scared...'). This review had the absolute stonker of a reply from the owner of the stables, along the lines of, 'You had a form to fill in. You told me you could do X and Y so I assumed that you could, actually, do X and Y. I mounted you on a well schooled-horse in line with the info on your form (and your height and weight in person). You had ample opportunity to try the horse in the arena and express any concerns. I am sorry that you did not enjoy your hack, but an accurately completed information form would have allowed us to find you an appropriate mount.'

I booked us in. I filled all the forms out accurately, to the point of getting the DC to hop on the scales. We had a bloody fabulous ride. One of the best ever.

You're clearly trying to accommodate the lovely S but her mother is being a nightmare. I think the PP wording you commented on is good. The mother has a choice. The right size horse for S that she enjoys and doesn't fall off Vs the mother's ideal sized horse that doesn't work for S and she keeps falling off. How would the mother prefer the lessons to go?

Tell her it'll invalidate your public liability insurance if her daughter is put onto an unsuitable horse. It's out of your hands. The kid keeps falling off so it's an unsafe situation and you can't risk it any further.

Tbh you should have tackled this as soon as she demanded she not have Carol. Instead you’ve again kow-towed to her rather than saying that she isn’t safe on another horse.

Basically if you put the child on a pony she is too big for and therefore can't maintain her balance on and falls off you are potentially negligent and this needs to be clearly stated to the mother. At your licensing inspections and BHS is the centre is approved your accident book will be looked at and four falls off the same horse in a day could be flagged up. If the mother is adamant she can't ride the bigger TB then say you have no option but to have all her lessons conducted solely in walk to prevent falls - I'm sure that won't go down well. Obviously, she can't ride your other ponies due to horse welfare issues so these are her only options or she goes elsewhere.

As someone who owned a riding school for over 30 years I am well aware of how demanding and ridiculous some clients can be but as a professional you need to stand firm and not pander to the requests of people like this.

I gave you a YANBU because clearly the mother is BU.

However, YABU creating another thread about this. Surely by now you've figured out you need to have an honest discussion with her separately from her daughter and they either stay and the daughter rides the horse you've picked or they go to a different school and best of luck. It's really not that hard.

Also ask the mother to ask the child which day she preferred, making progress on Carol or ending up falling off with Mickey.

Definitely do this.

It's your risk assessment. Your professional knowledge and more importantly your insurance. If the child was to have an accident you need to be able to justify why she was on an unsuitable horse.

The mother can choose to leave her in your care or take her home.

Tell her you are the instructor, you are giving the lesson and the decisions about which riders get which horses are yours and yours alone. Say when riding Carol the child was showing huge improvement in posture and skill, but on Mickey she was cramped and sending him the wrong signals so will not improve and is likely to be bucked off even more as the horse gets confused. Tell her it is Carol or a refund.

I agree and was going to say the same thing, surely the riding school has a policy and that the mum who clearly has no knowledge of horses needs to listen to you as a teacher.

Who actually owns the riding school as you did mention somewhere that the manger said to give it a go - have they witnessed the girl on the horse and can you say you do not feel comfortable now teaching her on the pony?

You're the expert. Her mother can like it or lump it.

My dd used to do a week of pony camp every summer holiday. The amount of verbiage they had before sign up, during sign up, and the night before that the students and parents did not pick horses bordered on the ridiculous. There was a good reason for it though.

its healthier for the horse if the side and weight matches. She is safer on a horse whose size matches hers. She is safer on a horse who is comfortable. You know all of this. Be firm with her mother. Explain if necessary, but you don’t need to compromise here.

The worst thing that happens isn’t a bad review online, it’s someone getting hurt. You can counteract one bad review if it comes to that. An injury is something you want to avoid morally, but it can also destroy a business.

As someone who knows nothing about horses or horse riding, I cannot imagine the audacity of someone like me coming in there and trying to tell people who do know about horses and horse riding what to do. It would have been a flat no from me.

I know that you don't want to disappoint or humiliate the girl. The first is not the end of the world, obviously do everything you can to avoid the latter.

The mum is being unreasonable and you have to protect your animals and the girl from anything you deem to be unsafe or unreasonable. I am surprised you have gone to such lengths already as this is the second occasion.

Are you the teacher?
Then teach.
You set the parameters of that lesson.

Support everything others have said. At the end of the day it's a safety thing - if Mickey bucks her off & she hurts herself mother will blame you.

Honestly people like this who think horses are machines not sentient beings with feelings etc should never be around animals. 😡

You need to put the horse's welfare first instead of making Mickey stressed and uncomfortable with a rider who is too big.

At the moment you prioritising this woman's money over the horse.

Why you have allowed this charade to carry on for this long makes you unreasonable already tbh. Does your insurance cover riders lying about weight? Especially if you know it's a lie.

Do you have insurance? What is the situation if the girl comes off and breaks something? Would you be responsible or would the owner? Remember that the girl can sue you herself when she reaches 18, is she has a life-changing injury in your care.

Nothing to do with horse riding but I sometimes have to tell paying clients their plans are so daft I will not do them as I would be at risk professionally. There are ways of saying this politely and if you run a business you need to develop these skills op.

You need to go old school riding school and just tell the mum in no uncertain terms who is boss.
I can’t imagine any of the mums at my childhood riding school daring to question the riding instructor decisions. Channel that energy!

Blimey. I am a bit scared of horses and know nothing about them. In this situation i would most definitely be taking your advice on what was best for my DD. Not making ridiculous demands which are actually making her less safe. You really need to lay it out thick for her.

The problem isn’t really the mum it’s the stable owner not letting you have these conversations with the mum.

She's fallen off four times?? That's so dangerous. You'll have to explain to Mum why smaller isn't necessarily safer. After four falls, I'd be telling her that her daughter either takes the horse you experts deem safest for her, both in build and temperament, or you cannot accept her as a student on safety grounds.

You are the expert. You make the call. Unapologetically.