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AIBU?

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Devastated - can't believe my builder did this

584 replies

INFJismyvibe · 24/07/2025 04:57

Bit of backstory - we've been having an extension done on the house, it's taken well over the agreed time (almost a year over) but we've been mainly patient about it. Builders have been dumping stuff in our garden, making it unusable for the most part. Everything was overgrown as I've been unable to mow the lawn or trim down the bushes, but I've been OK with that. I knew that once they cleared their crap from the garden, I could get back to gardening and sort it out. My garden had some beautiful, well established plants and fruit trees, and some taller bushes that worked as an extra privacy screen, which we really need from our neighbours. Without those, the neighbours can see into my kitchen.

Some of the plants were of sentimental value, gifts from my mum, a plum tree growing from a cutting that my aunt gave me, from my grandma's garden, etc.

The building work has meant I've been unable to use my garden - which was my sanctuary - this summer and last summer.

Anyway, on to current day.
I've been away on holiday with my (older) kids. Dh stayed home for various reasons.

Builder has been in, finishing up on the house. His dad came along (he sometimes helps builder out on projects) and asked Dh if he's OK to clear the garden. Dh naturally assumed he meant all their builder's mess - bags of cement, wood palettes, etc etc. I've been saying for a while that I can't wait for all that to go so that I can tidy up the garden and even be able to access the washing line again.
So Dh said yes please clear it up, and then left for work.

The guy brought in a team of men and they removed everything. Every single plant, bush, tree. Completely removed the lawn (which, to be fair, was riddled with weeds and needed returfing anyway).

But it's completely bare.

All my beautiful beautiful plants, my sentimental ones, my privacy ones. All gone.

Dh didn't tell me until the car journey home as he didn't want to ruin my holiday. But i've just returned home a couple of hours ago, and I'm absolutely devastated. Don't even care about the rest of the work thats been done while I was gone. Struggling to even talk to Dh about holiday or anything else. Completely ruined my return home.

I know some may say, ah it's just plants.... But they cost so much money and effort and time, and can't be replaced just like that. I'm going to have to spend hundreds to fill it up again, and it's going to take years for them to establish. And it needs so much extra work and attention now.

Gutted. Aibu for feeling this way.

Any advice? What do I say to the builder? Dh didn't say anything at the time as he hates confrontation but wtaf?!! And now the builder will think I'm being unreasonable. But it was my sanctuary, my space, my privacy.

Ps please forgive any spelling errors, I've barely slept.
.

OP posts:
AlphaFemaleNotBeta · 24/07/2025 05:08

But pulling out established trees is a lot of work? He removed everything and this was never discussed as per the brief?

ProfessionalWhimsicalSkidaddler · 24/07/2025 05:08

I’m so sorry and I bet your husband feels awful too. On the bright side, it sounds like your garden wasn’t going to be as it was anyway so whilst this is a sharp shock, you may have found that this would have had to happen anyway and it’s done with no hassle to you. That being said, I would be speaking to the builder and making it clear how unhappy you are. Has DH spoken to the builder already?

INFJismyvibe · 24/07/2025 05:08

Oh, and his wife (builders mum) has stage 4 cancer and is being moved to a hospice, so I can't even go mental at him to his face. What a shitshow.

OP posts:
INFJismyvibe · 24/07/2025 05:07

He just said, am I OK to clear the garden. He thought he was doing us a favour because it was overgrown. Honestly, I'm in shock. To be fair, so is DH.

OP posts:
stinkycatbum · 24/07/2025 05:06

AlphaFemaleNotBeta · 24/07/2025 05:02

Why would the builder do that? So much extra work and he was already a year over? That doesn’t make sense, have you asked your DH is that’s how the conversation went?

Makes you wonder if the builder wanted the plants for himself/ to sell on used the excuse of ‘clearing the garden’ as his excuse. He sounds very untrustworthy.

OP, if you haven’t already, I would ask him straight up what he did with all the plants and trees he took from your garden and also why he saw fit to remove them.

*Edited to say, if the project has already overrun by a year then it sounds like he could be a bit of a cowboy builder and is trying to milk this job for all it’s worth.

Alreadybroken · 24/07/2025 05:04

I was just thinking the same, why would he go to the effort of doing that? Is he expecting to be paid for the work? It seems a bit odd

AlphaFemaleNotBeta · 24/07/2025 05:04

You don’t know what to say to builder? Say that landscaping was not part of the project and ask him why he ripped out your established garden? Although, i am highly skeptical it would have transpired the way you describe in your op - that does not make any sense

AlphaFemaleNotBeta · 24/07/2025 05:02

Why would the builder do that? So much extra work and he was already a year over? That doesn’t make sense, have you asked your DH is that’s how the conversation went?

StrawberryCranberry · 24/07/2025 05:01

This is just awful OP. Wtf was he thinking? Of course YANBU - you poor thing Sad