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AIBU?

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Devastated - can't believe my builder did this

584 replies

INFJismyvibe · 24/07/2025 04:57

Bit of backstory - we've been having an extension done on the house, it's taken well over the agreed time (almost a year over) but we've been mainly patient about it. Builders have been dumping stuff in our garden, making it unusable for the most part. Everything was overgrown as I've been unable to mow the lawn or trim down the bushes, but I've been OK with that. I knew that once they cleared their crap from the garden, I could get back to gardening and sort it out. My garden had some beautiful, well established plants and fruit trees, and some taller bushes that worked as an extra privacy screen, which we really need from our neighbours. Without those, the neighbours can see into my kitchen.

Some of the plants were of sentimental value, gifts from my mum, a plum tree growing from a cutting that my aunt gave me, from my grandma's garden, etc.

The building work has meant I've been unable to use my garden - which was my sanctuary - this summer and last summer.

Anyway, on to current day.
I've been away on holiday with my (older) kids. Dh stayed home for various reasons.

Builder has been in, finishing up on the house. His dad came along (he sometimes helps builder out on projects) and asked Dh if he's OK to clear the garden. Dh naturally assumed he meant all their builder's mess - bags of cement, wood palettes, etc etc. I've been saying for a while that I can't wait for all that to go so that I can tidy up the garden and even be able to access the washing line again.
So Dh said yes please clear it up, and then left for work.

The guy brought in a team of men and they removed everything. Every single plant, bush, tree. Completely removed the lawn (which, to be fair, was riddled with weeds and needed returfing anyway).

But it's completely bare.

All my beautiful beautiful plants, my sentimental ones, my privacy ones. All gone.

Dh didn't tell me until the car journey home as he didn't want to ruin my holiday. But i've just returned home a couple of hours ago, and I'm absolutely devastated. Don't even care about the rest of the work thats been done while I was gone. Struggling to even talk to Dh about holiday or anything else. Completely ruined my return home.

I know some may say, ah it's just plants.... But they cost so much money and effort and time, and can't be replaced just like that. I'm going to have to spend hundreds to fill it up again, and it's going to take years for them to establish. And it needs so much extra work and attention now.

Gutted. Aibu for feeling this way.

Any advice? What do I say to the builder? Dh didn't say anything at the time as he hates confrontation but wtaf?!! And now the builder will think I'm being unreasonable. But it was my sanctuary, my space, my privacy.

Ps please forgive any spelling errors, I've barely slept.
.

OP posts:
INFJismyvibe · 04/08/2025 16:36

Deadringer · 04/08/2025 16:33

No he cut the shrubs away completely, nothing left. I am fucking raging tbh.

Omg. Oh I'm so sorry.

OP posts:
Deadringer · 04/08/2025 16:33

No he cut the shrubs away completely, nothing left. I am fucking raging tbh.

Decafcoflove · 04/08/2025 16:33

Genuine question but if it overran by a year… how long was the project in total?

INFJismyvibe · 04/08/2025 16:31

Deadringer · 04/08/2025 16:28

Op I would be devastated in your shoes. My garden is a shit show, my dh spent the last couple of days cutting it back and I just discovered that aside from hacking our few trees to bits he has destroyed the only 2 decent shrubs that we had in the garden for no apparent reason, (they have been in the garden for over 30 years and are a great draw for bees) while happily leaving the massive patches of ivy and weeds to thrive. I am so upset I can't even look at him, and I am not particularly invested in the garden. I can't even begin to imagine how you must feel.

Oh that's awful! If it's any consolation, they should all hopefully grow back by spring. Just annoying that he left all the weeds instead. Hope you're OK xx

OP posts:
Decafcoflove · 04/08/2025 16:30

INFJismyvibe · 04/08/2025 16:26

Aw glad I gave you a giggle. If you knew me IRL as you initially claimed, you'd get it. It's just something very unique that everyone really loves about my garden. But hey, I'm so glad it made you happy.

something so so important that absolutely everyone you know, everyone, no matter how tenuous the link, knows about this favourite garden feature

and yet you agreed to your garden being used as a builder’s dumping ground for a long time, becoming largely “unusable”

Goodness, you really cherished it.

Deadringer · 04/08/2025 16:28

Op I would be devastated in your shoes. My garden is a shit show, my dh spent the last couple of days cutting it back and I just discovered that aside from hacking our few trees to bits he has destroyed the only 2 decent shrubs that we had in the garden for no apparent reason, (they have been in the garden for over 30 years and are a great draw for bees) while happily leaving the massive patches of ivy and weeds to thrive. I am so upset I can't even look at him, and I am not particularly invested in the garden. I can't even begin to imagine how you must feel.

INFJismyvibe · 04/08/2025 16:26

Decafcoflove · 04/08/2025 16:23

So they only started dumping stuff in the final stages of a project that took… years?

still giggling at thought that everyone no matter how tenuously they know you… knows your favourite garden feature!!

Edited

Aw glad I gave you a giggle. If you knew me IRL as you initially claimed, you'd get it. It's just something very unique that everyone really loves about my garden. But hey, I'm so glad it made you happy.

OP posts:
INFJismyvibe · 04/08/2025 16:26

Decafcoflove · 04/08/2025 16:23

So they only started dumping stuff in the final stages of a project that took… years?

still giggling at thought that everyone no matter how tenuously they know you… knows your favourite garden feature!!

Edited

Aw glad I gave you a giggle. If you knew me IRL as you initially claimed, you'd get it. It's just something very unique that everyone really loves about my garden. But hey, I'm so glad it made you happy.

OP posts:
INFJismyvibe · 04/08/2025 16:26

Decafcoflove · 04/08/2025 16:23

So they only started dumping stuff in the final stages of a project that took… years?

still giggling at thought that everyone no matter how tenuously they know you… knows your favourite garden feature!!

Edited

Aw glad I gave you a giggle. If you knew me IRL as you initially claimed, you'd get it. It's just something very unique that everyone really loves about my garden. But hey, I'm so glad it made you happy.

OP posts:
INFJismyvibe · 04/08/2025 16:26

Decafcoflove · 04/08/2025 16:23

So they only started dumping stuff in the final stages of a project that took… years?

still giggling at thought that everyone no matter how tenuously they know you… knows your favourite garden feature!!

Edited

Aw glad I gave you a giggle. If you knew me IRL as you initially claimed, you'd get it. It's just something very unique that everyone really loves about my garden. But hey, I'm so glad it made you happy.

OP posts:
Decafcoflove · 04/08/2025 16:23

So they only started dumping stuff in the final stages of a project that took… years?

still giggling at thought that everyone no matter how tenuously they know you… knows your favourite garden feature!!

INFJismyvibe · 04/08/2025 16:22

Decafcoflove · 04/08/2025 16:21

Oh Op 😆

❤️❤️❤️

OP posts:
INFJismyvibe · 04/08/2025 16:21

Decafcoflove · 04/08/2025 16:19

we've been having an extension done on the house, it's taken well over the agreed time (almost a year over)

so almost a year overran
so how long on the project in total

and during this project, garden used as dumping ground, but somehow all plants and lawn etc escaped unscathed

Yes Sherlock! I didn't say they've been dumping stuff in the garden for over a year.

OP posts:
Decafcoflove · 04/08/2025 16:21

INFJismyvibe · 04/08/2025 16:20

Yep

Oh Op 😆

INFJismyvibe · 04/08/2025 16:20

Decafcoflove · 04/08/2025 16:16

Op so everyone who knows you in RL, no matter how tenuous the link, knows your favourite garden feature?!!

Yep

OP posts:
Decafcoflove · 04/08/2025 16:19

INFJismyvibe · 04/08/2025 16:14

They've been on the job a year, the garden was stunning last year, the lawn became a dumping ground within that time. The plants/trees/shrubs all around were still beautiful, just overgrown. Now there are no plants (well, there are stumps) and all green has been removed.

we've been having an extension done on the house, it's taken well over the agreed time (almost a year over)

so almost a year overran
so how long on the project in total

and during this project, garden used as dumping ground, but somehow all plants and lawn etc escaped unscathed

Decafcoflove · 04/08/2025 16:16

INFJismyvibe · 04/08/2025 16:06

You definitely dont know me IRL in that case. Very few people have actually seen my garden as only a handful of close family/friends visit. So you're obviously not one of those people.

Just wanted to clarify that you've obviously got me mixed up with someone else.

Op so everyone who knows you in RL, no matter how tenuous the link, knows your favourite garden feature?!!

Decafcoflove · 04/08/2025 16:14

INFJismyvibe · 04/08/2025 16:14

They've been on the job a year, the garden was stunning last year, the lawn became a dumping ground within that time. The plants/trees/shrubs all around were still beautiful, just overgrown. Now there are no plants (well, there are stumps) and all green has been removed.

You said they had “overran by a year”

INFJismyvibe · 04/08/2025 16:14

Decafcoflove · 04/08/2025 15:42

Your garden was “stunning before” it has been used as a dumping ground by the builders who overran by a year (so goodness knows how long they were on the job for in total). So your garden was “stunning” years ago and wasn’t touched since.

They've been on the job a year, the garden was stunning last year, the lawn became a dumping ground within that time. The plants/trees/shrubs all around were still beautiful, just overgrown. Now there are no plants (well, there are stumps) and all green has been removed.

OP posts:
INFJismyvibe · 04/08/2025 16:10

For those asking for update, the plants unfortunately couldn't be rescued but we are being reimbursed quite massively, which is allowing me to purchase new plants and start again. It's a lot of hard work still, but it's doable, and hopefully will be lovely by next summer.

Thank you to everyone who replied with constructive help, it really did help get me through the situation with a slightly more positive outlook.

OP posts:
INFJismyvibe · 04/08/2025 16:06

Decafcoflove · 04/08/2025 15:39

I haven’t the foggiest what your favourite garden feature is 😆

You definitely dont know me IRL in that case. Very few people have actually seen my garden as only a handful of close family/friends visit. So you're obviously not one of those people.

Just wanted to clarify that you've obviously got me mixed up with someone else.

OP posts:
Decafcoflove · 04/08/2025 15:42

Your garden was “stunning before” it has been used as a dumping ground by the builders who overran by a year (so goodness knows how long they were on the job for in total). So your garden was “stunning” years ago and wasn’t touched since.

Decafcoflove · 04/08/2025 15:39

I haven’t the foggiest what your favourite garden feature is 😆

Decafcoflove · 04/08/2025 15:39

INFJismyvibe · 04/08/2025 12:16

I think you've got the wrong person here. My garden was stunning before. Now it's literally down to bare soil. If you know me IRL you'll be able to tell me what my favourite feature in the garden was 😊

So what’s the update then Op? How did it go with the builders?

INFJismyvibe · 04/08/2025 12:16

Decafcoflove · 04/08/2025 10:00

If this is the person I know in RL, and everything tallies up…. Then this wasn’t razoring the garden to the ground in any shape or form!! The garden was unloved pre builder’s rubbish, then became a a shit show of a mess post builder’s mess and now is exactly the same as pre rubbish, but just looks a damn sight more tatty.

I think you've got the wrong person here. My garden was stunning before. Now it's literally down to bare soil. If you know me IRL you'll be able to tell me what my favourite feature in the garden was 😊

OP posts: