Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was I being unreasonable posting about this on FB?

214 replies

fortygin · 19/07/2025 09:45

long story short, I have finally, after 8 years of separation, bought my ex out of my family home. I have been paying all bills/mortgage myself since then so the split of equity was 70/30 to me.
I posted a ‘proud of myself’ post, just stating I’d bought an ex out and would now see this day as a celebration rather than the worst day of my life (I found out about his affair 8 years to the day the mortgage completed).
Well he is livid, someone sent him a copy of the post and Ive been sent a message calling me a fucking juvenile dickhead and to ‘sort it or he will’
I get that it was maybe silly posting on fb and I have never posted anything personal but was just so delighted with myself being in a position to secure this home on my own.
He has threatened legal action as in divorce matrimonial agreement in June I said I had no plans to co habit but did give him a heads up last week that my partner of 7.5 years would possibly be moving in in November. (After looong discussions with my dc who live here 21,19,17 and 14).
wibu?! I’m not in a great place right now.
fb has been deactivated btw

OP posts:
AnimalLover24 · 19/07/2025 11:26

You are both unreasonable. Him for being an arsehole and you for the self indulgent post!

Shar270 · 19/07/2025 11:26

Reinstate your FB and block whoever told him - as well as anyone who has anything to do with him perhaps. Don't let him control your SM.

You didn't mention him or even the affair and he's still happily shacked up with her so I really don't know what his issue is. Don't let him control your life, block him on everything and post what the hell you like.

Whichroadtogodown · 19/07/2025 11:24

There is no way I would remove a post or deactivate my Facebook based on the bullying tactics of my now insignificunt XH.
He's only pissed because your post doesn't fit with the narrative he has been telling people, the same narrative that makes him look like the victim or the hero , rather than the villain!
Well done OP, you deserve to feel so proud of yourself!! You have risen up and there's nothing wrong with shouting that from the rooftops!!
And I say this as someone who rarely posts on Facebook!
Don't allow his bitterness or threats to affect your decisions, or you may as well still be married to him.

Ps: I thought it very kind of you to describe his current partner as a lady. Very classy of you! 👏

itbemay1 · 19/07/2025 11:20

Branleuse · 19/07/2025 10:00

Tell him to go fuck himself. His years of pissing over anything good in your life are over, and he can take his bitterness and fury and shove them up his arse because you have moved on, and maybe he needs to.

This x100 well done op

LucasBuck · 19/07/2025 11:17

Rootatoot · 19/07/2025 09:51

Not unreasonable but perhaps unwise. Just don't respond to the messages and take the post down.

I don't do Facebook beyond the groups I'm in so I don't really understood these public displays. Did you want some validation or support from posting? You know what you've achieved. And your real friends do. Chat to people in real life and feel good about yourself without the drama is my advice.

Well done to you. Hope it works out with your partner. My own feeling after a horrible divorce is that is never have another man invested in my property but I wish you well!

Not an huge public social media fan either so agree with all of this (including the part about the risks of moving someone else in, especially if you still have young DC at home). Doesn’t mean that your Ex’s reaction wasn’t awful though, but it sounds like that’s a pattern for them.

LadyMinerva · 19/07/2025 11:17

Fuck him. You owe him nothing. You've done absolutely nothing wrong.

None of his business who you move into YOUR home.

He holds no power over you.

Kimmeridge · 19/07/2025 11:13

Well done you.

As for deactivating FB fuck that. As pp said youre still giving him a level of control. I.hope you've deleted the friend who told him

Enjoy your celebration

Endofyear · 19/07/2025 11:13

First of all, congratulations and well done OP, I'm so glad that you have achieved this and can feel secure in your home. You are right to be really proud of yourself!

For me, I wouldn't post about such personal stuff on Facebook but that's a personal choice. There's nothing wrong with you making a different choice. Your ex can like it or lump it, it's absolutely nothing to do with him what you choose to share. I imagine he's upset that it doesn't show him in a good light - but that is the consequence of the poor choices he made!

Original poster
fortygin · 19/07/2025 11:12

Financials are signed off. Decree absolute expected in six weeks. Old mortgage paid off, new mortgage started and land registry signed over to me

OP posts:
FutureCatMum · 19/07/2025 11:09

Well done OP, I bet that feels amazing and no one should take away your achievement.
He’s lost control of you now and is trying to exert it in any way he can. Don’t let him spoil your happiness. You can post what you want on your socials. Block anyone that would report back to him and go live a happy life.

4forksache · 19/07/2025 11:07

He has threatened legal action as in divorce matrimonial agreement in June

What do you mean by this? Are you actually divorced yet? And why does it matter that you said you weren’t going to cohabit but last week you gave him the heads up that you might in November? It isn’t any of his business is it?

hexagongoldbox · 19/07/2025 11:04

No absolutely not your facebook your house your life. He won’t like being called out publicly they never do ! Glad he’s gone ! Scumbag

thelakeisle · 19/07/2025 11:04

WhatdoesitmeanKeith · 19/07/2025 11:02

It’s not nasty.

Posting about personal financial matters on Facebook is tacky and was bound to wind people up.

Show quote history

Nah.

WhatdoesitmeanKeith · 19/07/2025 11:02

PinkyFlamingo · 19/07/2025 10:15

I would care if it was my friend! But that's what having good friends means. What a nasty reply.

Show quote history

It’s not nasty.

Posting about personal financial matters on Facebook is tacky and was bound to wind people up.

Biskieboo · 19/07/2025 11:01

I'm in two minds with this one - on the one hands he (and whoever decided to stir the shit by showing him the post), is clearly a complete prick and you've done well to untangle yourself from him. On the other I just do not understand why people feel the need to share this sort of stuff on social media. I mean yes you've got the right to do so and yes you can tell him to get stuffed if he doesn't like it, but it's not exactly unforeseeable that it could cause drama is it? So when it does and a MN post follows, my main sentiment is a big fat 'Oh FFS'.

Cavello · 19/07/2025 10:58

I love how exes think they get a say in what you do! Lol! I would have sent a laughing emoji back to him, dickhead.

Well done you should be proud of your achievement, and I don't blame you at all for posting it. Light after a storm and all that.

He's just pissed off, and threatening you was out of order.

Multispool · 19/07/2025 10:57

You should be proud. It’s far from an inappropriate overly personal or vengeful post ; it’s fine and if I were a friend or even just a Facebook acquaintance I would think good on you.

Fuck him, you are divorced and all finances sorted? He is nothing to do with you. Don’t tell him anything about your plans for the future though - no heads up on anything as it’s non of his business and your children are of an age where you don’t have to communicate with him.

Foreverm0re · 19/07/2025 10:56

Tell him to fuck off. He just doesn’t want people seeing something that’s not playing up to his own narrative. Also, ignore the few twatty comments on here. You did nothing wrong.

ARichtGoodDram · 19/07/2025 10:54

Moveoverdarlin · 19/07/2025 10:43

It’s just a tacky thing to post. It’s airing your dirty laundry in my opinion. Share the news with your parents or best friend but don’t put things like this on social media. No one needs to give details about their financial status or home ownership details on Facebook for gods sake. We paid off our mortgage recently, it was an absolutely momentous day in our own little world, we are so proud of ourselves. But no way in the world would I want Jenny Baker a girl I went to school with 30 years ago to know this or the bloke four doors down that I say hello to if he’s washing his car.

You wanted the post to be ‘a fuck you’ to your ex, but now he’s kicked off, the Police are involved and all your friends will be gossiping about the post and the fact it’s now been taken down. Was that all worth it? Being private is such a dignified trait in my opinion.

Why would you have randoms from 30 years ago and a bloke from 4 doors down on your Facebook? That's bizarre - everyone I know uses it for friends and family.

Surely the days of having everyone you've ever met on your social media are long gone?

HedwigIsMySpiritAnimal · 19/07/2025 10:54

Moveoverdarlin · 19/07/2025 10:43

It’s just a tacky thing to post. It’s airing your dirty laundry in my opinion. Share the news with your parents or best friend but don’t put things like this on social media. No one needs to give details about their financial status or home ownership details on Facebook for gods sake. We paid off our mortgage recently, it was an absolutely momentous day in our own little world, we are so proud of ourselves. But no way in the world would I want Jenny Baker a girl I went to school with 30 years ago to know this or the bloke four doors down that I say hello to if he’s washing his car.

You wanted the post to be ‘a fuck you’ to your ex, but now he’s kicked off, the Police are involved and all your friends will be gossiping about the post and the fact it’s now been taken down. Was that all worth it? Being private is such a dignified trait in my opinion.

Why do you have Jenny or the bloke down the street as Facebook friends?? That’s way more weird! My Facebook friends are, you know, my ACTUAL friends 🤷‍♀️

DrowningInSyrup · 19/07/2025 10:53

Fuck him and ignore him as much as is humanly possible. Reinstate FB, no one should have this much control over you, especially not an ex.

Nevereatcardboard · 19/07/2025 10:51

Do you know who showed him the post? You need to block them and anyone else who is still in contact with your ex.

TequilaNights · 19/07/2025 10:49

You didn't nothing wrong, post what you bloody like on your Facebook anything that upsets him, is his problem, have a look through your Facebook and delete a few people.

The issue is the person that shared it with him... not your issue.

SpryCat · 19/07/2025 10:46

He doesn’t like the fact, you are celebrating, it makes his ego shrivel up. It’s your fb page, your news and as for the ‘no plans to cohabit’, you didn’t have plans when you signed it, it doesn’t mean you can’t ever move someone in. He is just trying to scare you, block him on SM and mobile phone and show him he has no control, no say, over your life anymore!

junkmaail · 19/07/2025 10:46

Congratulations on buying him out OP! He don’t get a say in what you post on Fb. Do you know who showed him the screenshot?