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Original poster

Was I being unreasonable posting about this on FB?

214 replies

fortygin · 19/07/2025 09:45

long story short, I have finally, after 8 years of separation, bought my ex out of my family home. I have been paying all bills/mortgage myself since then so the split of equity was 70/30 to me.
I posted a ‘proud of myself’ post, just stating I’d bought an ex out and would now see this day as a celebration rather than the worst day of my life (I found out about his affair 8 years to the day the mortgage completed).
Well he is livid, someone sent him a copy of the post and Ive been sent a message calling me a fucking juvenile dickhead and to ‘sort it or he will’
I get that it was maybe silly posting on fb and I have never posted anything personal but was just so delighted with myself being in a position to secure this home on my own.
He has threatened legal action as in divorce matrimonial agreement in June I said I had no plans to co habit but did give him a heads up last week that my partner of 7.5 years would possibly be moving in in November. (After looong discussions with my dc who live here 21,19,17 and 14).
wibu?! I’m not in a great place right now.
fb has been deactivated btw

OP posts:
Daleksatemyshed · 20/07/2025 09:54

He's an arse Op, he still thinks you should defer to him and let him control you even after 8 years. In six weeks you'll be divorced, have a lovely day out to celebrate

Original poster
fortygin · 20/07/2025 09:46

Thanks for all the comments, positive and negative, I’ve been trying to step away from things for my own sanity but the new day has had me waking up extremely anxious and panicky. Realistically I know he can do nothing to me but, still, I get extremely nervous when he does things like this. The last two times I got abusive messages like this were 1) when I filed for divorce without forewarning him and 2) when I asked for £10 per week over the holidays to buy extra snack for the kids as they were all off and even when they stayed at his (2 stayed 3 nights per week and 2 stayed 1 night a week) they are dropped back by 9am, he said no so I contact cms for maintenance.

OP posts:
MrsEverest · 20/07/2025 04:08

Moveoverdarlin · 19/07/2025 10:43

It’s just a tacky thing to post. It’s airing your dirty laundry in my opinion. Share the news with your parents or best friend but don’t put things like this on social media. No one needs to give details about their financial status or home ownership details on Facebook for gods sake. We paid off our mortgage recently, it was an absolutely momentous day in our own little world, we are so proud of ourselves. But no way in the world would I want Jenny Baker a girl I went to school with 30 years ago to know this or the bloke four doors down that I say hello to if he’s washing his car.

You wanted the post to be ‘a fuck you’ to your ex, but now he’s kicked off, the Police are involved and all your friends will be gossiping about the post and the fact it’s now been taken down. Was that all worth it? Being private is such a dignified trait in my opinion.

With such a commitment to privacy on social media it must have been a wrench to share such a personal detail about your financial situation on this social media site. What a truly mean-spirited post.

There’s nothing tacky or ‘dirty laundry’ about being proud that you’ve worked hard and achieved the security of a home for yourself and your children after a major upheaval. Good on you OP. I imagine your ex husband has a different narrative he shares about this and is annoyed for that reason. Don’t let his attitude or desperately unpleasant comments like the above take the shine off your achievement.

thelakeisle · 19/07/2025 23:22

DrowningInSyrup · 19/07/2025 10:53

Fuck him and ignore him as much as is humanly possible. Reinstate FB, no one should have this much control over you, especially not an ex.

Right. Feel so sorry for the OP, he is still controlling her 8 years later and over a little nothing post. How dare she ever be happy again, or have her own opinions, or be pleased with her progress.

I really really hope she has opened FB, and just deletes any comments and people who harass her about her perfectly acceptable post.

toomuchfaff · 19/07/2025 17:37

Fuck him

It's not your responsibility to manage his emotions. He has no control over what you do, say, post, shout, communicate. Block him, then he wont fucking see it.. Sorted it for you now fk off you cheating rat.

👋

Calamitousness · 19/07/2025 16:20

Just seen your update. Financials are done. Fuck him sideways. None of his business what you post from here on. There was no mention of him, only your achievement, he’s got nothing to whine about.

gamerchick · 19/07/2025 14:18

And I agree with a PP. He's very likely have been telling people you screwed him out of the house and all sorts . Your post shows him up.

gamerchick · 19/07/2025 13:49

It's got fuck all to do with him what you post on Facebook.

You don't need to deactivate you just need to sniff out the spy.

TiptoeThroughTheToadstools · 19/07/2025 13:25

I would be more interested in which 'friend' had sent screen shots of your Facebook! You can post whatever you like, ignore him. But I'd definitely be scrutinising who has access to your private life

Original poster
fortygin · 19/07/2025 13:15

@Washingupdone done! Home ringfenced for my wee families future (or my old ages care !)

OP posts:
MiniPantherOwner · 19/07/2025 13:12

I think unless you want to faff about with settings to make sure certain posts are only shown to close family and friends, that you should avoid saying anything negative about anyone, I know you didn't directly name him, but still better not to reference it.

Take buying the house out as an opportunity to back away from contact with him. Why are you discussing that your partner may be moving in with you with your ex? Your youngest child is 14 so the amount of discussion you have with him should be minimal and only about the children. Deactivating your Facebook is an overaction. I would re-activate it and fill it with posts showing you looking happy and doing fun things, without ever mentioning you ex of course. Let the mole among your Facebook friends report back to him that your having a great life without him.

Washingupdone · 19/07/2025 13:09

Congratulations on owning your own house.
Maybe see a solicitor so claims cannot be made on it in the future. Make sure your house is secure with you and your DC for inheritance.

Original poster
fortygin · 19/07/2025 13:06

Oh he doesn’t live with his partner. He stays less with her now than he did when they were having the affair (he was staying away from the family home during the week with his aunt as he wanted to ‘find himself’)

OP posts:
bigfacthunter · 19/07/2025 12:56

Ponoka7 · 19/07/2025 10:32

Probably doesn't fit the usual narrative of 'the bitch took my house' that he's spouted. Reinstate your FB and put a cryptic post up about, spies or being watched. You can block people from seeing it, so don't make it visible to your children.

Exactly this. He’s bullshitted his whole family and this post has exposed his lie.

congrats to you OP! Incredible achievement, I’m proud of you and I don’t even know you.

ArtTheClown · 19/07/2025 12:56

I'm a bit horrified at how many of you are agreeing with an abusive man that OP separated from eight years ago, and who isn't even on her social media.

She can post what she fucking likes.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 19/07/2025 12:54

fortygin · 19/07/2025 11:12

Financials are signed off. Decree absolute expected in six weeks. Old mortgage paid off, new mortgage started and land registry signed over to me

Congratulations OP.
Your Facebook. Post whatever you want.

He's allowed to move in with his affair partner into a house that his parents bought him but you are not allowed to move your partner of 7 years post breakfup into YOUR home or he will "sort it".

He can fxxx off.

However, it would be wise to be more prudent about FB in future. Check out some you tube tutorials on FB privacy controls. then he can't chase you off FB or make you deactivate.
I believe you can set the audience for that post ( I know you can for future posts) so that it excludes anyone suspicious. Boot off the spy and cull your friends list.

Enjoy your achievement and your lovely children.

DisabledDemon · 19/07/2025 12:54

You separated eight years ago and he thinks that he can still control you? Fuck that.

Congratulations on achieving your financial independence and on moving on with your life. He had the affair and he's still living with the woman with whom he had it. He lost the high moral high ground a long time ago.

If he doesn't like the end result, perhaps he should have remembered he was married in the first place.

Horses7 · 19/07/2025 12:53

fortygin · 19/07/2025 10:02

@CopperWhite he is not struggling. His parents have bought him a house and he is still with the lady who he was having an affair with!

Don’t call her lady!!
Congratulations you should be proud of yourself!
Your husband is obviously a bully and resents your happiness - that’s a win in my opinion, you’ve obviously got under his skin.

myheadsjustmush · 19/07/2025 12:51

Well done you - I'm not surprised you felt proud of your achievements. Your post will give hope to others out there who are going through the same emotional crap.

As for your ex - he sounds like a complete and utter 🔔 end who thinks he can still control and threaten you after all these years.

You are far better person than he will ever be OP. Sometimes, when you walk the path of life, you tread in a pile of sh!t. You need to wipe it off the sole of your shoes, carry on walking, and leave the sh!t behind in the gutter, where it belongs.

AnotherDayAnotherDog · 19/07/2025 12:47

Block him. What an idiot. You had no plans to cohabit 8 years ago! Unless you've entered a convent since then, you're allowed to move on.
Congratulations.

aGirlLikeJesamine · 19/07/2025 12:47

you could block him,
he is sending you private messages?
do you need any contact with him?

LondonPapa · 19/07/2025 12:35

fortygin · 19/07/2025 11:12

Financials are signed off. Decree absolute expected in six weeks. Old mortgage paid off, new mortgage started and land registry signed over to me

Tell him to pound sand - it isn’t his house. And I’m glad you’ve reported him to the police. Hopefully something good comes out of that!

Oh, and if not done so already, change the locks and put up cameras (Aqara, Ring etc.) just in-case his threat comes true.

thingsineverthoughtidsay · 19/07/2025 12:33

I have old friends on Facebook who I very rarely see, and would certainly not expect to receive a message from them in this sort of situation, but I would still be really pleased to see a post like this from them. You absolutely should be so proud of yourself!! I certainly would be in your shoes and would be telling everyone!

Groovee · 19/07/2025 12:28

I’d be posting one for the “spies” with a rude emoji. His message says everything, he is still trying to control and gas light you. Can you block him out of your life? No text or email contact. He can go through his solicitor.

Congratulations on getting through it all. It’s a massive step forward after so long with someone.

HappyValley1025 · 19/07/2025 12:27

fortygin · 19/07/2025 09:57

And the he ‘sort it or he will’ was discussed with the police.

Good. I was going to suggest that.

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