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Original poster

Was I being unreasonable posting about this on FB?

214 replies

fortygin · 19/07/2025 09:45

long story short, I have finally, after 8 years of separation, bought my ex out of my family home. I have been paying all bills/mortgage myself since then so the split of equity was 70/30 to me.
I posted a ‘proud of myself’ post, just stating I’d bought an ex out and would now see this day as a celebration rather than the worst day of my life (I found out about his affair 8 years to the day the mortgage completed).
Well he is livid, someone sent him a copy of the post and Ive been sent a message calling me a fucking juvenile dickhead and to ‘sort it or he will’
I get that it was maybe silly posting on fb and I have never posted anything personal but was just so delighted with myself being in a position to secure this home on my own.
He has threatened legal action as in divorce matrimonial agreement in June I said I had no plans to co habit but did give him a heads up last week that my partner of 7.5 years would possibly be moving in in November. (After looong discussions with my dc who live here 21,19,17 and 14).
wibu?! I’m not in a great place right now.
fb has been deactivated btw

OP posts:
CurlyhairedAssassin · 21/07/2025 18:08

There are ways of wording these things if you really have to. "Proud of myself - new beginnings" or something is all you needed to put. Actually, on reflection, I wouldn't even have put that. Only your true friends and famiy need to know nitty gritty like that, and they surely would already know anyway. For everyone else it's just fulfilling their nosiness urges.

Original poster
fortygin · 21/07/2025 17:58

@DadBodAlready unfortunately older kids are well aware due to one of their tablets being connected to their dads phone before the affair came to light ( this only came out in counselling) and they have also felt the wrath of his bullying. I do my utmost to nurture a good positive relationship with him

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FeetLikeFlippers · 21/07/2025 17:08

I was a bit unwise to post this online but then I’m of an age where I don’t understand the need to share personal things on social media - the people who I want to know can be told in person. But his reaction was way over the top and confirms you made the right decision to leave the dickhead. Good luck with your new life xx

DeeKitch · 21/07/2025 17:01

He’s being a snot- up to you what you post and go you I say!

DadBodAlready · 21/07/2025 16:45

There's nothing he can do as long as you have been truthful and not misrepresented the situation.
I would though see if your older kids have any thoughts on what you posted. I assume, they still have a relationship with their dad. So you don't want to create issues with your kids.

Original poster
fortygin · 21/07/2025 12:40

Thank you all for your support. Had an urgent call this morning with my amazing solicitor who has said ‘let the bastard try’. I
I will get to move on from this and not let things annoy me. I have been referred for counselling but doc has advised that this is a totally normal reaction to what has happened

OP posts:
Ihatelittlefriendsusan · 21/07/2025 12:04

You have absolutely nothing to apologise for pr explain.

You have every right to be proud of yourself to working yourself up to a position where you can buy him out. I dont know you and I am proud of you @fortygin. Congratulations!!! Shout about it from the roof tops!!!

His issue is that it doesn't gel with his story of events...people will see his lies and start to question things he has said. But that is not your issue.

He is an abusive prick and hopefully the police visit will have given him a wake up call. But every time he makes a threat report it. He wants to continue to control you, dont let him!

Ashwapanda · 21/07/2025 11:55

I literally can't see any way he can do anything to cause you damage. From your earlier posts the financial order is sorted, the kids are sorted and the divorce is all but through. If he goes to the police they'll probably laugh at him for being an idiot, if he claims libel, that'll cost him £000s and if what you said is true, he'll lose a case anyway. He can't do anything to you now - you're free and I really hope you can start to enjoy that feeling!

Lovehascomeandgone · 21/07/2025 05:54

I’m sorry OP but he doesn’t get to control you, what you write on FB or anything else in your life. Block him! Put your Facebook back up and fuck fuck fuck him. Who does he think he is still trying to control you. Nothing unreasonable about what you did. I would personally be adding a post speculating who shared that original post with a domestic abuser and put the safety of you and your kids at risk. Nothing funnier than a man who thinks he can do what he likes and then sulks when his ex-wife moves on.

croydon15 · 20/07/2025 22:06

IMissSparkling · 19/07/2025 09:58

It was a stupid thing to post. Do you think anyone apart from your immediate family really cares that you've bought him out?

Why the need to post everything on FB.
How did people manage before?

Nikki75 · 20/07/2025 21:10

He is messaging you with anger in him .
You do have to be careful what you post on socials as they can be used in court cases most solicitors will tell you to not pist anything at all.
This won't come to anything it's all cut and dry now keep moving on and being happy with your new life new beginnings.

thelakeisle · 20/07/2025 20:54

fortygin · 20/07/2025 13:28

@tuvamoodyson spot on. My mistake posting an update, not mentioning him
nor what he done. Lesson learned. Unfortunately a LOT of people have helped me or seen me at my lowest and on my knees during the last decade and a half dealing with his treatment of me and YES, I wanted to shout from the roof tops about how well I’ve done to get here.
leason learned, Facebook is deactivated and I’ve no plans to reactivate it other than to download the 20 years of photos.
That being said, this is the most recent in a long line of perceived wrongdoings and threats of retribution and promising to make me pay. (Filing for child maintenance - cancelled because it wasn’t worth the abuse, asking him why my kids told me he made them get out of bed to clean up a mess and asking him why one of our dc told school she was scared to tell him she had failed an exam to name a few).

You did NOTHING wrong. Not a thing. You should very definitely have posted your little victory on Facebook, it was completely appropriiate.

I am truly sorry that you have been so abused by him that he has such a grip on you.

IzzyHandsIsMySpiritAnimal · 20/07/2025 20:54

He sounds like a petulant child.
You have a paper trail showing everything you did was above board.
Let him have his mantrum and get it out of his system. Don't give in to his ridiculous threats.

Original poster
fortygin · 20/07/2025 20:39

@2025ismybestyear I find it hard to understand myself and if it was someone else, I would tell them to wise up. I know, physically, he wouldn’t hurt me but he knows how to push my buttons and push me to the point of hurting myself. I’ve had multiple rounds of counselling but I still can’t break the hold he has over my mood/wellbeing.

OP posts:
Original poster
fortygin · 20/07/2025 20:36

@TesChique haha defiantly not posted in that tone. My kids would slap me lol. As someone commented ‘I was a testament to those who knew my story and gave hope’. It was I’ll thought out and a moment of madness/pride. I still don’t deserve the mast threats I got though

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2025ismybestyear · 20/07/2025 20:31

@fortygin I still don't see why you felt you had to tell him. He is meaningless to you now in the eyes of the law and emotionally so stop giving him control.

TesChique · 20/07/2025 20:29

Its a bit "just me an the kids from now on inbox me hun worlds full of snakes"

But beyond being an ick i dont see the problem

MuckFusk · 20/07/2025 20:28

fortygin · 20/07/2025 17:02

@hmmimnotsurewhy are you my ex or his lady? 🤔 He has accused me of ‘lying’ not sure how as the financial disclosure during the divorce prooves I’m not.
Thanks for the kick whilst I’m down though.

Don't let some trollass bullshit get you down. You did nothing wrong.

Original poster
fortygin · 20/07/2025 20:27

@2025ismybestyear because he went ballistic when I blindsided him with divorce papers. Whe had come to an agreement te divorce financials etc and I thought he deserved to know what the plans would eventually be. I thought he would want to be reassured that our dc were ok with the plan but he was more interested in saying I had lied when I said I had no plans at present to cohabit or remarry (I didn’t at that time but dc had asked why my partner wasn’t living here and after long discussions, we made a plan for the end of the year. His two adult dc also wanted to move out on their own (he’s had full custody of them most of their life) and have decided to stay in their family home and pay a token rent)

OP posts:
MuckFusk · 20/07/2025 20:23

CopperWhite · 19/07/2025 09:59

Your ex’s response is ridiculous, but I don’t think that was a nice thing to post. If you have people on your friends list who know your ex and see he is struggling after the divorce, it doesn’t make you come across well to them. He is implicated in your post so I can understand why he doesn’t like it. He’s probably acting like a twat because that’s people often do when they lose a lot in life.

He lost her because he was having an affair. He deserves no sympathy whatsoever. Why did you assume he is struggling? Even if he was it would be his own fault.
Also, what do you mean by he is implicated? She said she bought him out. That implicated him in what exactly?

Original poster
fortygin · 20/07/2025 20:20

We have no real friends in common but I’ve a feeling I know how he found it. I had tagged a good friend who has been beside me all along and ,in fact, had to break pass on the news and evidence of the affair to me. She was contacted by his lady friend’s best friend who was able find her as they had a friend in common. After a bit of research it seems anyone who you tag, their friends can see the post.
fuck them, I wouldn’t think to look at any of his socials anymore, last time I did was 7.5 years ago and he had in his bio that he was a ‘single father in training!!’.

OP posts:
MuckFusk · 20/07/2025 20:19

Legal action about you saying how proud you are to have bought him out of the house?😆 What utter bullshit. Tell him if he doesn't fuck off and treat you with respect you'll post about his affair. The nerve of this bastard.

2025ismybestyear · 20/07/2025 20:16

Why on earth did you tell him about your boyfriend moving in.. why did you feel you had to, needed to?

Hecatoncheires · 20/07/2025 20:16

Ps: make like your namesake and have a huge gin!

Hecatoncheires · 20/07/2025 20:15

@fortygin Your ex doesn’t care about you or what you wrote on FB, he only cares about looking like a dickhead in front of your FB community. Congratulations to you on successfully picking yourself up. You should feel incredibly proud, you are an absolute star and I wish you all the very best.