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Was I being unreasonable posting about this on FB?

214 replies

fortygin · 19/07/2025 09:45

long story short, I have finally, after 8 years of separation, bought my ex out of my family home. I have been paying all bills/mortgage myself since then so the split of equity was 70/30 to me.
I posted a ‘proud of myself’ post, just stating I’d bought an ex out and would now see this day as a celebration rather than the worst day of my life (I found out about his affair 8 years to the day the mortgage completed).
Well he is livid, someone sent him a copy of the post and Ive been sent a message calling me a fucking juvenile dickhead and to ‘sort it or he will’
I get that it was maybe silly posting on fb and I have never posted anything personal but was just so delighted with myself being in a position to secure this home on my own.
He has threatened legal action as in divorce matrimonial agreement in June I said I had no plans to co habit but did give him a heads up last week that my partner of 7.5 years would possibly be moving in in November. (After looong discussions with my dc who live here 21,19,17 and 14).
wibu?! I’m not in a great place right now.
fb has been deactivated btw

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
fortygin · 25/05/2026 19:13

Hi, bit of an update . I’m now divorced !!!!!!!! He came round and apologised for his behaviour. We have had two fall outs since as I have done things that he thought were ‘insulting’. Thing is I don’t bend to his will anymore. I’m proud of me and his or hactions a families’ opinion are not my business 🤷🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
MauveExpert · 25/05/2026 18:56

Having been in this exact situation myself, I totally get why you’d want to celebrate the moment. It’s a really big life changing moment, after you’ve been treated so badly.
Your own social media can be used exactly how you wish. It’s no right of his to say a word

LasersInTheJungle · 25/05/2026 16:51

ConfusedConfusedConfusedConfusedConfused

Not sure why this thread was resurrected

THIS WAS A YEAR AGO

OP has had plenty of advice!

Isittimeformynapyet · 25/05/2026 16:49

Isittimeformynapyet · 25/05/2026 16:41

I still don’t deserve the mast threats I got though

@fortygin No you don't. But the threat wasn't really masked was it.

Just ignore him.

Zombie thread. Darn it 😖!

Isittimeformynapyet · 25/05/2026 16:41

I still don’t deserve the mast threats I got though

@fortygin No you don't. But the threat wasn't really masked was it.

Just ignore him.

Boomer55 · 25/05/2026 16:23

Best keep personal stuff off of social media.

WhyamIinahandcartandwherearewegoing · 25/05/2026 16:21

rainbowstardrops · 19/07/2025 09:57

He’s a prick. Just ignore him I’d tell him to fuck off

💯

Didshejustsaythatoutloud · 10/12/2025 14:57

Well done, 8yrs have passed! So, absolutely none of his beeswax.
Nothing to do with him!
Enjoy the feeling x

Twistedfirestarters · 10/12/2025 14:56

commentobserver · 10/12/2025 14:51

Did you stop to consider how stupid your post was? so opinionated it smacks of self entitlement - I bet you're a real barrel of laughs at parties

If you want to be a comment observer you'll need to be more observant. You've just replied to a comment made almost 5 months ago...

commentobserver · 10/12/2025 14:51

IMissSparkling · 19/07/2025 09:58

It was a stupid thing to post. Do you think anyone apart from your immediate family really cares that you've bought him out?

Did you stop to consider how stupid your post was? so opinionated it smacks of self entitlement - I bet you're a real barrel of laughs at parties

thelakeisle · 22/07/2025 22:42

VeryStressedMum · 22/07/2025 00:38

Why not? If they are old enough to be on Facebook they are old enough to have an understanding of the situation and their mum saying how proud of herself she is for being able to buy the house is hardly something bad that they should not even know about it

Correct. She is absolutely 100 percent right to post her own victories, particularly given her years and years of abuse.

fortygin · 22/07/2025 20:24

@CaptainMyCaptain that’s why I logged with the police. I know he’s not violent but as someone said down thread, it definately caused a trauma response.
His lady friend exposed the affair by involving a work colleague. I don’t trust him.

OP posts:
Zucker · 22/07/2025 16:30

Fuck him! Congratulations on getting your life back in order after suffering with such a cretin.

CaptainMyCaptain · 22/07/2025 16:21

Mouche85 · 19/07/2025 09:50

What does he mean by "he will sort it"?

I think you can post whatever you want on Facebook regarding your house.

Fuck him

Agree.

fortygin · 22/07/2025 16:20

Thank you all

OP posts:
sleepwouldbenice · 22/07/2025 12:49

Ohnobackagain · 21/07/2025 22:59

@fortygin I probably wouldn’t have posted but you are well within your rights to do so. Especislly if you just made a statement rather than anything inflammatory. I don’t understand why he thinks he can still control you and also it’s interesting to note he has someone filling him in on what you are doing … why does he care? I’d re-instate FB and lock down my settings to ‘friends only’ not ‘friends of friends’ at least.

This
You have reason to be proud and he's simply not relevant any more!

DestinysMum · 22/07/2025 09:07

VeryStressedMum · 22/07/2025 00:38

Why not? If they are old enough to be on Facebook they are old enough to have an understanding of the situation and their mum saying how proud of herself she is for being able to buy the house is hardly something bad that they should not even know about it

I've already answered another poster upthread.

VeryStressedMum · 22/07/2025 00:38

DestinysMum · 19/07/2025 09:52

I don't think it would be very nice for your children to read.

Why not? If they are old enough to be on Facebook they are old enough to have an understanding of the situation and their mum saying how proud of herself she is for being able to buy the house is hardly something bad that they should not even know about it

Ohnobackagain · 21/07/2025 22:59

@fortygin I probably wouldn’t have posted but you are well within your rights to do so. Especislly if you just made a statement rather than anything inflammatory. I don’t understand why he thinks he can still control you and also it’s interesting to note he has someone filling him in on what you are doing … why does he care? I’d re-instate FB and lock down my settings to ‘friends only’ not ‘friends of friends’ at least.

Spirallingdownwards · 21/07/2025 22:32

If your FB settings are friends only and not public then why shouldn't you celebrate your achievement with them.

Congratulations on not only cutting this man from your life but getting yourself financially stable and clearly your children are proud of you and admire what you have achieved.

Well done you

thelakeisle · 21/07/2025 22:29

Stompythedinosaur · 21/07/2025 18:16

It's seems like a perfectly normal thing to post about to me - it's an achievement!

It's none of his business what you post on sm!

And he can fuck off with making threats! He's just trying to control you!

Yep, he can fuck off to the moon, then keep fucking off from there. I truly hope that the OP is one day less terrified of him and can enjoy her life and write whatever she wants on her own Facebook, and keep it or get rid of it based on what she wants, not on terror of an abusive ex.

thelakeisle · 21/07/2025 22:28

CurlyhairedAssassin · 21/07/2025 18:08

There are ways of wording these things if you really have to. "Proud of myself - new beginnings" or something is all you needed to put. Actually, on reflection, I wouldn't even have put that. Only your true friends and famiy need to know nitty gritty like that, and they surely would already know anyway. For everyone else it's just fulfilling their nosiness urges.

Nah.

thelakeisle · 21/07/2025 22:28

fortygin · 21/07/2025 12:40

Thank you all for your support. Had an urgent call this morning with my amazing solicitor who has said ‘let the bastard try’. I
I will get to move on from this and not let things annoy me. I have been referred for counselling but doc has advised that this is a totally normal reaction to what has happened

The doc is wrong, it is a trauma response and it has been 8 years since you separated, so no it's not normal to be so terrified of and terrorised by this man. I wish you luck in therapy, you do need to find ways to deal with the trauma he has caused you.

SpryCat · 21/07/2025 18:55

He has lost control over everyone, that’s why, he is hitting out like a toddler having a tantrum. He has bullied his way through life, his family and everyone has fled.
I would just grey rock him, concentrate on building yourself up, you bought him out of the family home and that is something to definitely celebrate. ❤️

Stompythedinosaur · 21/07/2025 18:16

It's seems like a perfectly normal thing to post about to me - it's an achievement!

It's none of his business what you post on sm!

And he can fuck off with making threats! He's just trying to control you!

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