Holiday day three… not going brilliantly

This is exactly how I watch things, even new things if it’s just me and DH. I feel seen.

And I get that you've all seen the movie several times, but no matter how many times I've seen a movie I really like, I do still enjoy losing myself in it.

Sorry but you are a very rude and disrespectful person, and worse, you are dragging your children up to have bad manners. Unless it's urgent, you should be nipping the children talking during the movie in the bud, and correct them not to talk in movies, instead of answering them. Don't answer them, you're enabling them and their rude disrespectful behaviour. Tell them to ask after the movie. This is what happens when parents enable instead of stopping bad manners. Then we end up with you and the likes of you in a cinema, talking, and the rest of us wanting to throw something at you. Children with bad manners grow up to be adults with bad manners who talk in cinemas. That's the result of it. Stop it right now. Before your children think that it's appropriate to later on go on a date and turn their potential partner off by talking throughout a movie.

In general YANBU, but YABVVVU all talking through a movie, that would annoy most people. Bond properly over a board game.

Everyone is in the wrong but I think more you. I don't like chatting during a film BUT Harry Potter? We have it on ocasionally on a Sunday afternoon. We've all seen it a dozen times, of course we chat and comment! Your DH was an arse BUT your comments back were really cutting and horrible, especially in front of the children. Yes your DH was an arse but no need to say what you did, I can imagine myself.as a teenage DD being really upset about that.

You have a much bigger problem than the film op.

I kind of get the point you're trying to make about attention spans but it's quite funny that it boils down to "bloody kids today wanting to talk to their family members instead of staring vacantly at the screen!"

So, if OP were watching the same film with her kids while DH was away, they'd all be having a natter and a laugh and enjoying it together? But because DH prefers silence, his preference trumps theirs, and they must all sit in doleful silence because "it's weird to chat while watching a film" according to this thread?

This isn't about chatting during a film. This is about DH being out of step with everyone else in his family and imposing his rules over theirs regardless.

He film isn’t the issue, not really, it’s the fact he has been away for so long - still unexplained. It sounds like you all felt his missing presence, and his bounded back in called the shots and thinks everyone should be doing what they are told/olaying happy families when in fact there is a lot that is not being spoken about that is simmering under the surface.

You are so lucky to be on holiday.

Can't bear chat when I'm watching a programme/film. My DH goes one step further and pauses the film to talk about something, often totally unrelated and it drives me mad. I've threatened to take the control away from him.

My favourite bonding with the teens is 1.random chats on long car journeys and 2. watching movies with lots of pausing to laugh at our favourite jokes, look up references to other arts, discuss similar movies, pick holes in the plot, enjoy the jumpscares, etc., etc. It's joyful.

Surely that's the beauty of watching at home (or on holiday) with your family? You can engage in whatever way you want, pause to go to the loo, get more popcorn, discuss alternate endings, laugh, cry, and generally bond over the shared experience.

I dare say it seemed like the most neutral limbo land to be in between leaving the room and sitting in silence with an atmosphere.

You pretended to sleep? Why would you do that to your kids?

I think the more concerning issue is how you spoke to your husband in front of your children. Did you actually call him an asshat and say you might not have married him if you'd known silence was required in films?
For children that sort of comment is really disconcerting and upsetting, they must find it difficult if you speak like that in front of them.

I'm with your husband on films, can't see the point of talking through one, it's very irritating. But I would never watch any film 8 or 10 times and wouldn't watch one on holiday at all. Holidays are great for family board game evenings where you can chat, your children are old enough to play properly, that would be far better than watching films.

I don’t think it’s weird to talk or make remarks during a film/tv at all. Admittedly, there are a few where we will establish no-talking rules beforehand, ans/or we will pause if a conversation becomes more interesting than what we are seeing. Plans change, moods change - it’s no big deal and there’s always rewind.

You possibly now realise your words have power. Statements of ‘would’ve / should’ve’ around your marriage can land very badly, especially in tense environments. My own upbringing included lots of these remarks - often ‘just joking’ but always somehow very hurtful and even now many years on, still remembered.

Please don't get stuck in the question of whether you should have made any sound during the film. You are all on edge. Your children feel insecure not because you said "ah if I'd have known I would never be able to talk during the 10th viewing of a film I'd never have married you"... they feel insecure because they can actually feel that things are insecure. That you are unhappy. That their dad is absent and when he's present there are rows. You and your husband need to address this properly and not default to a stupid row about Harry Potter and chatting.

Second this; bonding as a family laughing and saying things like I love this bit or whatever are the joy of watching a family favourite together...calling for silence seems totally peculiar to me for something you've seen before and not AT ALL convivial. Hope the rest of the holiday is more relaxed 🤞

I hate to say it but I’m like you. We need to stfu. I don’t know why I become so talkative. I think it’s the plot lines of the movie which is mostly inane. I’m trying harder to shut up though. I’m aware that it’s annoying

They’re all crackers, ignore them 😄

Harry Potter for the 10th bloody time??! I’d be making ALL the noises.

If talking shit while watching TV together wasn’t normal, there wouldn’t be gogglebox…

I tell my DH to watch stuff alone if he wants absolute silence. I really don’t get why you’d watch a film with someone else if they can’t make any noise or comment. I used to get all frustrated next to him being shushed and told not to fidget. Now I just leave the room and he’s learned that if he wants company he has to be less overbearing.

In you case I would choose a different holiday activity. Or suggest you do stuff separately. Even in a family you don’t have to do the same activities for the whole holiday.

husband has been away a lot over the past few months (due to work, but not entirely essential work) and the kids have clearly noticed this and felt slighted by this (as I have, in terms of picking up the slack, too).

Be honest (with yourself, not me!) Are your children feeling slighted in their own right or are they following your lead? Has your husband acknowledged or done anything to address the fact that his wife and children feel insecure about his interest in them? (sounds like no but maybe you can think of some positive examples). What do your children need from him? What do you need from him?