Holiday day three… not going brilliantly

Your husband sees watching a film as unwinding, switching off, takes his mind of other things.

You see it as entertainment and a chance to speak to others.

I think your DH is right, you need another outlet.

It’s like cleaning the kitchen and having someone trash it as you clean.

Why don't you divorce?
You resent your husband, you criticise him to your kids when he's away working, and then you criticise him directly in front of your kids. Why do you think that behaviour is ok? All you're doing is showing the kids how much you dislike and disrespect their Dad, drawing them in to battles they should have no part of. Then you go ahead and sulk like a child and pretend to sleep.
Of course your kids are on edge. You're creating a toxic atmosphere. Do better FFS.

I don't mind if someone mutters 'he's a munter' to themselves or offers me a biscuit. But if it requires a two way conversation I'll have to pause because I can't listen properly to two things at once. If it's a rewatch of a kids' film with kids 🤷🏼‍♂️

This isn’t really about the chatting during the movie is it - it sounds like you have a ton of built-up resentment that’s spilling over at the slightest thing, and your kids will be picking up on that (especially with the way you expressed your annoyance - if he’d called you an asshat and said he wouldn’t have married you, how would you be feeling now?)
If he’s been away a lot, you won’t have been communicating and that gulf between you will have got wider. I’d start the day with a genuine apology for your bad mood and what you said to him, and see if you can find some ways to reconnect. Try something different - go for a walk on the beach at sunset, take the kids out for an evening drink, teach the kids a new card game… Holidays can be really hard because of that expectation that you have to have fun and it has to be perfect. See if you can reframe it as a bit of a rest for all of you and take the pressure off a bit.

You're not a "classic family of 4". You sound like you and your husband detest each other. And the kids sound miserable. The film chatting is not the big picture here (although bloody irritating), and jeez pick a different film!

Surely this is part of a bigger issue? I talk through films (even when i try my best not to as appreciate it is annoying), my dh gets annoyed but makes a joke out of it - it wouldn't be a reason for an argument and definitely not on hols or in front of the kids. It can be hard though when someone has been away and you get used to doing things your way - probably some leeway needed on both sides whilst you settle in to spending much more time together again.

Sounds like it needs a bigger conversation, hope you can enjoy the rest of your hols.

Have to agree

had I known movie silence would be required I may not have married him… this traumatising children who actually think this is a declaration of divorce. Everything then minimised and I pretend to sleep for the rest of the film

It's a shame everyone's engaged on the "talking through the film" point when the real issue is the passive-aggression. You are upset with him about his absence but it doesnt sound like you've discussed it or the impact on the kids. You need to row that back in front of them. And have a mature conversation about the late working/work travel in private.

I hate talking through films even if I've seen it before. Re the marriage thing maybe talk in the morning as adults

The biggest thing I took away from your OP was that your household dynamic seems very much “wife and kids vs husband”.

thats a shit situation all round.

I talk watching tv, about what we’re watching and I think that’s normal and fine

I agree with the other pp you quoted here, op. Fuck total silence during film/tv at home (or holiday home, whatever). This is not the cinema! Specially if it's a movie you've seen so many times. Your husband was being an entitled arse and would have had my back up massively! If me and my fam are watching something new, we might talk a little less and follow it more quietly, but no one is going to impose silence on the others in my house! If we missed a bit because somebody was talking, we just replay that bit.

Why did you all have to sit together and watch a film? If you didn’t want to watch it why didn’t you take yourself off to the balcony and chill there with a book or scrolling.

i don’t understand enforced family bonding by watching a film you’ve all seen 8-10 times especially given the ages of your children.

And by the way I am a talker through films, my dh doesn’t like it and I generally remove myself from the room if I’m not interested in watching it.

Why did you stay and pretend to sleep rather than go to your room/balcony and chill?

I think ywbu buy you can see thst now. May not stop husband being an idiot. I also think you need to go and buy some board games, there are so many to choose from now, it doesn’t need to be monopoly to the early hours.

I think part of the problem is: yes he’s missed out on things being away - and you seem to resent him for it (whether or not the kids do, only they can say).
But also being away a lot, means you and the kids have developed a new way of working/relating. And are you adapting to him being back?
Yes he’s missed should adapt too, but you can’t change his behaviour, you can only change your own.
Do you want him back and to be part of your lives? If so you need to work at it.

And going on holiday isn’t a magic wand, quite the reverse sometimes.

Who uses a longed for family holiday to confront husband and upset children?

🙄😬

I hate people talking over a film as it stops me from concentrating & I find it rude & disrespectful.

Here's a medal 🏅 for one of the stupidest comments iv ever read on mumsnet

Oh I missed the bit about her telling her DH she wouldn't have married him, wow, which is so ironic as she's the one in the wrong here. I can imagine her poor DH thinks he wouldn't have married her if he knew how rude and bad mannered she was and that she would drag his kids up in the same manner. He'd probably choose a different person to be the mother of his children if he knew.

😆

Shit environment for the children.
Growing up around two parents squabbling, incompatible and basically don’t really like one another .

image Gogglebox the tv show if they all had to sit in silence !! Total silence is no connection . A balance of all family members preferences needed I think .

So you're mad with him for going away to work let me guess you spent the whole time he was away slagging him of in ear shot of your kids. Do you work? Who paid for the holiday?. You then talk all the way through a film even though you know it annoys him and rightly so it is annoying then you call him an assshat infront of the kids then you start telling him how you shouldn't of married him again infront of the kids. Then you ignore everyone and pretend to sleep. No you dont pretend everything is normal you owe everyone a massive apology.

Your DH is a dick to force his preference over the preferences of 3 others. Some people want silence during films (I prefer it) others want to chat, especially when they've seen it before and there are group jokes or points of interest, etc. to have fun with. If your DH is the only one who wants silence then he is the one that needs to suck it up and tolerate things for everyone else's sake.

Nevertheless, calling him an asshat and saying you might not have married him in front of your relatively young kids was very poor judgement. (And however in-jest you say you meant it, when you have building irritations in your marriage about other things there's likely an edge to it that he will hear too. Which makes it that little bit worse.)

YABU but so was your DH.

I think you should apologize for calling him an asshat and try and smooth things over for the holiday, but it sounds like you need some 1:1 time discussing the state of your relationship and how you can get back to a properly good place.

I think you are being unreasonable here, especially saying you would not have married your husband in front of the kids. Keep that sort of discussion for the two of you. Also talking in a film would drive me nuts aswell. If it’s one that’s been seen many times that’s a bit different!