Holiday day three… not going brilliantly

Next time both kids are asleep, talk to him properly about his trips away and how you’re feeling. It’s shit pretending to be happy all the way through a holiday, and harmony that comes at the cost of you pretending you’re ok isn’t real harmony.

Talking through a film annoys me!! If I'm watching a film, I don't want someone yapping all the way through it or giving a running commentary! Children, do talk through films, when they're young, I understand that, but a grown adult...no, keep your mouth shut!! Calling your husband names in front of your children, is a massive no. Your resentment towards your husband should have stayed at home or been resolved before you came on holiday.

I can't stand watching films at the best of times. What a boring thing to do on holiday. Why couldn't the kids just watch it and you and DH sit somewhere else with some food and wine and a chat?

Films aren't for talking through. You also know he doesn't like talking during films. It sounds like a set up for failure really. You could have played cards, gone for a walk or whatever you enjoy doing that doesn't involve a film if you wanted to 'bond'.

Yes. Scotland and NI have already broken up. In NI we get 8/9 weeks holiday.

We also have a movie watching tradition on holiday. And like the pp we will do it after a full day of activity and a mean out. I have a child with special needs who can’t play most games. The endless posts of families bonding over Uno actually make me really sad as we can never have that.

Anyway, talking through a film is annoying. But it sounds like you were holding in a lot of resentment. I think it can take a few days to “reset” on holiday and get into a groove. Can you and DH sit outside one evening and have a few drinks while the kids amuse themselves?

Are the schools already on holiday?

This is what I came on to say.
Him dictating family life when he's there?
My Uncle was like this. He was away with work and left my aunty to deal with everything but then wanted control of the house on return. He was 'in charge now' and dictated when the kids could go out to play and see their friends etc. They had to stay in to be with him. Until he left for work again.)
Unfortunately my cousins absolutely hated him and the relationship never recovered.

Ignore the talk/don’t talk through the film part (although, I can’t watch a film more than once…maybe a second watch if I last saw it a decade ago and can’t remember what happened, but remember it was really good).

The important part is how you handled your irritation with each other. Your DH was in the wrong for being grumpy at the majority enjoying chatting (but it is hard to watch a film with people talking and so the jury is out on that one). You were definitely in the wrong for upsetting the children by saying you wished you hadn’t married. You could have answered very differently, even for the benefit of the kids.

My DH’s parents did this to him and his sister all the time when they were teens and they always felt it was them and mum against their evil dad. However, when he retells it to me, I can see DH’s mum was always complaining to them about their dad, threatening divorce and then telling them she wished she hadn’t married him. She made them feel guilty for her misery and wished she’d just leave him. It has really damaged their view of their dad. It actually sounds like she was the cause of all the drama and misery, but they all definitely blame DH. Now they’ve grown up, mum and dad are still together (and seem to bump along together reasonably well), but DH and his sister are pretty scarred by the whole thing.

I doubt your children were able to enjoy themselves with you pretending to go to sleep after an argument.

Don't give it more thought. I think talking during a film is fine. Usually about the film, but other comments are ok too. I think it's weird to sit silently for 2 hours in a family environment, especially if you've seen the film 10 times.

I with you OP - light chatting during a film is definitely ok. I was watching a new film with my DH, nothing deep just a bog standard slightly crappy film. Comments were made by both, slightly taking the piss out of the film “how come he is now dry - he was soaked a few minutes ago” type thing.

Unless it is an anticipated film, and especially not a family favourite rewatch (which sounds like a nice way to end a busy day), then silence is over the top.

You and your DH don't know how lucky you are. I'd give my right arm for my teenagers to come and sit with me and chat all through a film. Two whole hours of communication!

YANBU, that chatting time is precious, don't waste it by staring silently at a kids' film you've seen ten times already

If you've agreed to watch a film then I think it's pretty rude to talk through it.

If you want to talk, leave the room.

You and your husband are screwing up your children's future mental health and relationships. Stop it. If you hate him, separate. Stop with the passive aggressive behaviour, the children are unhappy in their lives and learning from you.

This

Me too, it adds to the entertainment to comment to each other on someone’s bad hair do or terrible accent, or just pause to make sure dc (or me) are understanding the plot.

I think this is more on the mark than all the telling off of OP for saying 'asshat'. As the wife if another husband who travels for work.

But basically, there are structural issues in the marriage that need addressing.

Not staring vacantly! Getting lost in a film is a joy and it's an engaging, enriching activity, not a brainrotting scroll through tiktok. We go to the cinema quite regularly then out for dinner when we'll talk about the movie in depth - you do the talking after not during. Though on holiday, we'd be far more likely to play a board game or go out and look at the stars on an evening than watch a film we'd seen eight times already.

Sounds like he just didn't want to talk to you guys (read: miserable arse). My dad was always like this on holiday, he should have ignored the film and prioritised the chat if he was that bothered. Why prioritise a rewatch of Harry Potter 1?!

My parents had petty disputes like this constantly when I was growing up and it made me extremely anxious about the stability of their relationship. I think you need to apologise to everyone for the way you were talking to your DH.

Definitely. I know when one of us has been away the other may feel it is hard work, but only ever supports the absent one verbally to the kids. They would probably never have felt 'slighted' by him being away for work had you not moaned about it.

As a child this kind of sniping would make me feel so uncomfortable and on edge, it would as an adult to witness as well. If you have an issue, deal with it like an adult not with sarcasm and atmosphere. I can guarantee your kids will be more affected by your actions here than your husband wanting some quiet.

You seem to think of them as being your team against him because he went away, which is really sad and d inappropriate.

I guess I'm forgetting how "young" a 14 year old is now. All of my friends and I were fairly adult at that age.

Agreed.

I'm assuming you're trying to be smart for the purpose of the thread, but if this is how you really act around your family no wonder the kids are upset.

Chatting in a film you've already seen...not the end of the world. Declaring you'd never had married him had you known about his predilection for silence and then pretending to sleep through it is horrible, and really childish.

We're all different of course. I know some people will happily watch something over and over, or read the same book many times etc. I might watch something twice or, exceptionally, three times but there are just so many new things to discover. But ok, some people like the familiarity of an old favourite. But as for a thousand times... That's something like 1500 hours - or roughly 8 solid weeks sat in front of the same old thing! I just can't comprehend that. There are so many other great things to watch or do.

You sound quite annoying, OP, and full of contempt for your husband. I suspect bigger problems are at foot here.