Holiday day three… not going brilliantly

You can do all of that and still have time to watch a film!

I do sometimes talk through things and am told to shush. But then I also tell them to shush if I’m watching something😁. Hard to be totally silent but honestly if you’ve seen it 8 times I can’t see the harm in a bit of chatter if it’s to do with the film (and not tomorrow’s dinner).

Maybe the compromise could be silence on a first viewing but chat about the film on repeat viewings. It shouldn't just be blanket silence at all viewing times. (Also probably not a good idea to name call in front of the kids😬).

The film only sounds like the catalyst for the argument TBH. Having a fractious relationship and then hoping a holiday would be different is very much papering over the cracks. These little niggles have been bubbling for a while.

As a introvert I very much recharge by quiet reflection but my son loves company and conversation to energise. balancing the entire family needs is difficult on holidays where everyone's usual coping mechanisms arent as easily available.

The people that have said you have a bigger problem than chatting/not chatting through films have hit the nail on the head. This is about your relationship in general and what is going on. Something is going on and resentments have built up. This isn't suddenly going to go away just because you are on holiday.

OP I am on your side with a lot of things here!

1- Firstly a lot of people commenting it’s odd you’re spending your evening on holiday watching a film. If you were in a hot, abroad country I’d be inclined to agree. But I’m guessing maybe you’re more UK based, air bnb type holiday where your days are mad busy with activities and you’re just having a chilled evening after a busy day, enjoying your holiday home? I think that’s totally normal!

2- I would rather watch a new, unseen film in silence. But one seen before (or seen MULTIPLE times before) especially whilst on holiday, seems to make a lot more sense to me to just have it on as background noise whilst you chat as a family and relax after a busy day.

Hope your holiday picks up and you have a fab time!

If you are keeping up a constant chat during a film no wonder your DH gets annoyed, you might as well switch it off and chat.

I absolutely lose my shit if DH talks at me during a film, even if I have seen it before, I get engrossed in it and am enjoying it, I do NOT want to talk, I am relaxing

That is why I hate gogglebox. Inane chatter, pulling faces, screeching etc. No one I know watches tv like that

Haven’t you got anything better to do on holiday than watch a film?? Go down the pub to a beer garden, glass of coke and a packet of crisps for the kids and they can entertain themselves and you and your husband can have wine and a chat

"Come on children, let's go outside so Daddy can watch Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone in peace"

Why would you talk through a film? That would annoy me very much

Yeah, I can see that side of things. If I think about it, there's far less chatter in new shows. But if I'd watched something 8 times, and it was our family comfort film, we'd be chatting through it - about the film, but I think silence is a bit much.

It's not a hill I'd die on on holiday though.

When we were on our hols with our kids at this age, if we were not going out for dinner etc and having a night in then we would have tea together and then get the playing cards out. We would spend hours as a family chatting, playing card games and laughing. These are some of our favourite memories from our holidays together. It is proper family bonding time. No phones, no TV, just us.

Against the grain but families are more important than films
Particularly well-watched films. Why is one person happy but three others miserable. If watching rewatched films is a solitary activity, he should do it on his own and appreciate that his family want to bond and interact when he watches things with them.

And it all comes to a head with: the film watching experience of tonight..Always a bit of a sore spot for us as I will happily comment and yap away- and he prefers total silence

There's tension already and you know that film watching often causes conflict so really you should have chosen something else to do. I don't like people "yapping away" during a film either.

But it sounds like this is not about this particular film, it's about unhappiness in the marriage and deeper issues such as your husband being away a lot for work.

I think you should avoid activities that have previously caused conflict this week and try to keep the peace during the holiday and when you get back home you both need to sit down and talk about things.

YANBU. I can't think of anything more boring than watching a film in silence with my family. I can respect silence during a new film, but there will always be discussion points to me made along the way. If anyone wants silence, watch it by yourself init. And then we'll all get on high horses and say how it's a shame we are addicted to phones etc when a perfectly great opportunity for communication is thwarted by tyrants.

I'm camp quiet during a film tbh... problem you seem to have us your dh work/life balance appears to have pissed you off and you think it's acceptable to piss him off back and that's no way to live. That being said I also think that living to your dhs rules isn't necessarily the way to go either - compromise is the key here... dh shall we watch and a film and chatter through it and next time will be a quiet one? For eg.

talking through a film that you have seen whilst in your lounge with your family is like marmite, you either like it or you don’t.

and it should be what the majority prefer in a family environment- one oerson doesn’t get to decide.

I stand by that he is away a lot so the 3 of them have created new rules and dynamics and everyone is struggling with it

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So much weirdn behaviour here.

Why watch a film when you know it's a source of disagreement and tension? Did you want to pick a fight?

Why on earth has the whole family sat and watched the same film 8-10 times?

Why did you pretend to be asleep?

Definitely don't escalate this. It is already upsetting your kids.

Talking through a film is fundamentally pretty annoying. Why put on a film to talk over it? I'd get some board games or similar out instead so you can do a bonding activity where talking is normal.

I think it's still a bonding experience. I just watched all of Stranger Things with my teenage kids and it was totally different to being in different rooms. We're all sitting on the sofa together, we react - a laugh, a gasp, whatever - we're all experiencing something collectively and then we talk it about it loads when the credits start rolling. It's also a regular ritual, something we look forward to doing together after dinner. It's absolutely a bonding and shared activity even without a running commentary!

When people talk through a program or film that I’ve said I prefer to focus on, then I mute or pause it while they talk. It’s quite interesting to gauge their reaction when you mute or pause. Most people look a bit shocked and want you to keep playing. But I have to politely explain that I can’t concentrate on two dialogues simultaneously. And that’s the truth.

Also Gogglebox is edited to be as entertaining as possible - I don't think people always realise how artificial these shows are. A person's own unedited and uncut yapping throughout a show is going to be considerably more tedious and irritating than a produced show of people yapping (though I think the whole concept of it is an absolute nightmare to begin with!) I think it makes people imagine they themselves are hilarious commentators and that this is how to consume media - for performance, always with a distraction, never being immersed or absorbed in anything.

I am really sensitive to noise though - competing sounds stress me out intensely. Maybe the OP's husband is like that and maybe their film watching styles are incompatible and they need to find different family activities that everyone can enjoy.

My husband insists on silence during films and tv shows and because of this, I don’t consider it a bonding experience. If you’re all in your own heads watching something and not allowed to speak to each other, you may as well be in different rooms, and it’s not a shared experience then. It’s each of you experiencing something individually - so again, may as well not be together.

I don’t mean chatting all the way through. That’s annoying. Same if plot is complex. And I don’t mean in the cinema, because you go there to immerse yourself in it. But shit you put on the tv? It’s family time, not a religious experience. If you can’t engage in it as a family, there’s no point in watching it imo.

So if I was watching something on holiday that we’d seen a million times before, being silenced would piss me off.

However. I know I’m in the minority here.

Gogglebox is a moronically stupid show.

ETA. And OP YABU. For chatting through the film and for reacting so poorly to your husband.