Holiday day three… not going brilliantly

@Sealhaver I think your resentment (potentially valid) towards your DH needs to be discussed but not in front of kids, not with any name calling and not during a film. I think you picked the wrong hill to die on, and at the wrong time!

You need to talk to your DH about how you feel (and don't appropriate your kids into that discussion or try to project feelings for them "the kids felt slighted etc") - just talk about how you feel taken for granted/unsupported or whatever with concrete examples not conjecture.

Frankly, I think that was a rubbish comment ('I would not have married you') at a rubbish time. You should apologise.

Don't watch a movie if you're not up for it -- which is fair enough as I couldn't personally watch a movie 8 times, how boring is that! Read a book, go for a walk, swim, play a board game, whatever.

Just because you're on holiday together, doesn't mean you need to spend it together all the time.

Your husband is checking out of your relationship from the sound of it, and I'd recommend finding professional help to see if it's something you can salvage.

It is a bit annoying that one person gets to dictate how everyone else behaves while a film is on, but ultimately you know his opinion on talking through films, so it should have been anticipated.

Then again, your DH knows you have a habit of talking through films, so he could learn to give a little. It all seems a bit "it's my way or not at all" and OTT for a film you've seen multiple times before.

My parents talk through films so DH and I tend to only put on films that we've seen before and are happy to watch and dip in and out of. It's a case of literally knowing your audience!

Today, I'd be apologising to the kids specifically about the "not marrying" comment and just saying "Dad's been away so much lately it can take a bit of time getting used to being around each other so much again. It's OK to be irritated by each other sometimes - it doesn't mean we don't love each other." I'm sure the kids annoy each other enough to understand that doesn't mean they don't love each other.

I definitely don't think you should be watching any more movies as a family for the rest of the holiday! May be time to break out the cards and board games instead!

So you’re saying you know that family find it irritating when you talk during a film, but you still do it?

If you CBA to watch for the nth time, perhaps read a book instead?

I can’t imagine being in such an uptight house that a movie we all watched 8 times demands silence.

Does everyone at least get a vote on this misery? Or was it demanded that we shall all now sit and suffer in silence by the master of the tv remote.

Comments during the movie are one thing but what the OP is talking about is having a full on conversation.

I thimnk if you have seen the film about 8 times then fine, chat! I often find if I re wtch something again that I see things/hear things I missed first time around but in the case of 8 times...

I had a friend who chattered all through anything we watched! Used to drive me mad! It was all old news about her ex partment!

Are you saying you don’t even sing along when you watch Moana? 😮

Yes. If we weren't interested in the film, we wouldn't be watching it! And there are often nuances in the film you didn't notice the first or second time. Of course, someone could go No! Don't do it!/ It's behind you! but actual chatting - no.

I’m actually team silence through films, HOWEVER that doesn’t mean I’m right, we’re not all the same, and compromise is important in situations like this.
That said, you massively overreacted. If your kids are traumatised and genuinely fearful you’re gonna get divorced, I wonder how often arguments like this happen in front of them. YABU and you made the night uncomfortable and awkward. You should apologise to them all for overreacting and reassure your kids, then all plan something to get her for tonight that suits everyone (card games, board games etc).

Yes, because you are the King of the house and decide how everyone should act.

Telling your husband you regret marrying him was the stinger. There was no need for it, it was a nasty comment, of course it upset everyone. It was vindictive.

Maybe he needed some quiet, wind down time.

YABU for using a prissy word like ‘asshat’

I absolutely hate it when my DH pauses every time I want to say something. So I’d rather stay quiet. It’s annoying and feels like I’m disturbing him (which I am tbf).

I agree with you, you have watched the film so many times now that you can sort of discuss the film while watching it. More fun, and as you say bonding. It is a great way to get to find out your children’s thought of things, especially the teenager.

If it was a new film I’d think differently.

There's a difference between getting together with some girlfriends and watching a film - when the main aim is to catch up and chat and the film is actually pretty incidental - and watching a film for the film's sake - when chatter is a bit of a no-no. Or putting a film on because you just want a bit of peace and quiet. I think you and your husband had different objectives here! Talk to him.

A compromise that works for us - pause the movie whenever someone wants to talk. That way no-one misses out on hearing the movie, but we can also have some chit chat.

Have you sat with everyone you know while watching tv? Thats some accomplishment.
I chit chat during a show, sometimes. Sometimes I dont. Depends on what it is. Or my mood, or my company. Either way, DH doesnt police it.
What I cant understand is, when you know this is something you clash over, you continue to do it and expect a different result?
If we had something like this going on, we would have long since sorted it out.
"lets watch a movie"
" ok but im not sitting in silence its harry bloody potter for the 8th time"
"ok fair but can you not have a full blown political discussion while its on, i find it such a lot when people are talking the whole time?"
"Ok love sure i know that bugs you we wont do a UN debate"

This is the kind of conversations people have when they give a shit about one another.
Not the toxic passive aggressive behaviour BOTH of you have engaged in.
You owe your kids an apology, both of ye, and you need to sort your shit out, both of ye.

What were you talking about? Was it just little comments related to the film, or was it trying to have a whole separate conversation abut things that had happened that day? One is OK< the other is really irritating.

Either way, your response to the situation is deeply immature and will probably ruin the whole holiday if you don't get over yourself.

YABU mostly for making a threat like that in front of your children. Especially when everything isn’t perfect, they really need to know that you aren’t about to walk out on the family. That really crossed a line for me.

I think the children overreacted a bit, and I'd worry that they're picking up on tension in your and your husband's relationship that goes beyond the one argument or the ongoing issue of talking during films. Now, though, I think both of you should reassure them that divorce is not imminent; it was a disagreement or miscommunication (you thought talk OK since it was a very familiar film for everyone but dad still wanted absolute quiet) and you got a bit carried away. "If I'd known..." certainly doesn't equal "I want a divorce"; make sure they know that. Do talk with your husband separately, too.

I'm in the YANBU camp given the number of times you've all seen the film, and also think it's a bit unfair for husband to demand full silence when everyone else wants a little chat and may be bored watching the same film for the eleventh time in dead silence. Would putting subtitles on help him follow the film even if someone talks during?

We’re clearly in the minority here, but in our family we make plenty of comments during movies / programs. It wouldn’t be fun watching anything otherwise. It’s definitely way quieter when watching documentaries or something informative, but otherwise we have a giggle.

This, you seem to have created a you and dc vs Dh environment @Sealhaver. Can't be comfortable at all for them, especially the comments re 'never would have married him'.

Not really your place to be telling other people what to do.

Poor bloke