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AIBU?

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Holiday day three… not going brilliantly

262 replies

Sealhaver · 08/07/2025 00:00

Hmmmm, so I feel I might really be unreasonable here, thus the post. I would say we are a classic family of four, with 14 year old daughter, and 10 year old son and typical marital disputes (some money, some mental load, some basic male uselessness…). Most notably,’husband has been away a lot over the past few months (due to work, but not entirely essential work) and the kids have clearly noticed this and felt slighted by this (as I have, in terms of picking up the slack, too).

So now, we are on long awaited holiday where we can all take a breath and reconnect… and somehow we are not all falling into the happy family patterns that husband anticipates. And it all comes to a head with: the film watching experience of tonight..Always a bit of a sore spot for us as I will happily comment and yap away- and he prefers total silence. Now, the kids and I try to respect this when watching a new film, but honestly, find it a bit ridiculous when doing a rewatch ..and also isn’t the bloody point of watching a film together as a family to do some bonding shit talk?!? So, complete nightmare following reasonably pleasant day when we decide to watch Harry Potter 1 (seen maybe 8-10 times as a family???) and we are chastised within the first 10 mins for talking too much. At this point, I most definitely do not take the moral high ground, but say he is acting as a massive asshat - and had I known movie silence would be required I may not have married him… this traumatising children who actually think this is a declaration of divorce. Everything then minimised and I pretend to sleep for the rest of the film (ah- keeping quiet and not talking!), but now the kids upset and the bloody husband claiming he has no idea why everyone is so on edge…. Do I just pretend all is normal and completely eat the ‘film silence’ shit… or do I stay strong and make this an issue?!! .

OP posts:
MammaTo · 08/07/2025 21:40

I’m with you OP, if we was watching a film we had all seen plenty of times we’d talk through it and comment on the film etc. Hes being a grump, plus why should 1 person’s enjoyment over rule the other 3.

BunnyLake · 08/07/2025 12:23

CautiousLurker01 · 08/07/2025 11:32

It’s not inane in our house - have film and lit buffs (several ADHD/ASD) who can’t resist giving a TedTalk on the writers or directors, however annoying my DH may find it… but, you see, there’s this amazing invention called a remote control. It comes with a pause and rewind button and everything. No film, however incredible, trumps human interaction, especially with my kids.

Oh and everyone I know watches TV like this in a group… if they want to watch a film silently they do so in their rooms, alone, on a device rather than in the lounge (fitted with 100inch screen, and surround sound, so we do take our films/audio seriously).

It’s an unspoken and accepted rule in our home that if you watch a movie in a communal setting in the communal area… it’s a social activity. Conversation is permitted.

Yes, if I want to watch something and not be disturbed I go to my bedroom, anything watched in the living room is open season. I realise we are lucky that the three of us have our own tv’s/monitors so we can do that. If we only had the one tv it might be different but family watching together means we can comment on the program as much as we want. That’s not to say we can’t say shush but it’s not a rule that has to be adhered to.

morningtoncrescent62 · 08/07/2025 12:21

I've nothing to add that hasn't already been said, but just to the OP, how refreshing it is to see someone come onto AIBU, get honest feedback, take it on board and thank posters. Good for you. I hope you're able to resolve the issue and have a nice holiday, and if there are longer-seated relationship problems, take the time to address them properly once you're back home.

HelpMeUnpickThis · 08/07/2025 12:19

Sealhaver · 08/07/2025 12:10

Thank you all for some really insightful and helpful comments- appreciate my behaviour was far from ideal and was really useful to have that pointed out. Have apologised today and trying to see things from different perspectives… although still think we will always have a different opinion on light chatter during very familiar film! Thanks again

@Sealhaver

All the best OP. You sound like someone who is self aware and willing to work on yourself as appropriate. Just be careful not to lose yourself / capitulate too much. Your chatting would annoy me I can't lie but you sound nice. In fact, watching Harry Potter 8-10 times qualifies for sainthood in my book. It could never be me.

I hope you enjoy the rest of your holiday and get that re-connection you were seeking.
💐

BunnyLake · 08/07/2025 12:14

mydogisthebest · 08/07/2025 12:07

Just about everyone I have spoken to about gogglebox say how stupid a programme it is and how people just do not watch tv like that.

No way are we going to watch a film and keep pausing and/or rewinding it. Both me and DH like to get totally engrossed in a film. TV programmes are slightly different but we don't make the inane comments like the wannabees in gogglebox nor do we see the need to pull silly faces and/or make silly noises

I’ve been told I watch tv as if I’m on Gogglebox and I haven’t even watched Gogglebox 😁

I rarely watch films, mostly streamed stuff on Netflix.

DiscoBob · 08/07/2025 12:14

I like talking during the film a bit but I know most others don't appreciate it. I do think that the correct way is no talking. So if there's someone who's not into talking then the others should kind of shut up. Hard as it may be.
Thing is if I wasn't chatting I'll probably just fall fast asleep!

MyMilchick · 08/07/2025 12:12

Not a fan of talking during films either, I'm with your husband...........sorry

Sealhaver · 08/07/2025 12:10

Thank you all for some really insightful and helpful comments- appreciate my behaviour was far from ideal and was really useful to have that pointed out. Have apologised today and trying to see things from different perspectives… although still think we will always have a different opinion on light chatter during very familiar film! Thanks again

OP posts:
Emonade · 08/07/2025 12:07

Sealhaver · 08/07/2025 00:34

Just going to say - thank you so much for this! It’s probably a bigger issue than the talking during the film… and you’ve just reminded me that maybe I don’t have to always capitulate and be the peacekeeper on these things! Much appreciated….

Totally agree!!!

mydogisthebest · 08/07/2025 12:07

CautiousLurker01 · 08/07/2025 11:32

It’s not inane in our house - have film and lit buffs (several ADHD/ASD) who can’t resist giving a TedTalk on the writers or directors, however annoying my DH may find it… but, you see, there’s this amazing invention called a remote control. It comes with a pause and rewind button and everything. No film, however incredible, trumps human interaction, especially with my kids.

Oh and everyone I know watches TV like this in a group… if they want to watch a film silently they do so in their rooms, alone, on a device rather than in the lounge (fitted with 100inch screen, and surround sound, so we do take our films/audio seriously).

It’s an unspoken and accepted rule in our home that if you watch a movie in a communal setting in the communal area… it’s a social activity. Conversation is permitted.

Just about everyone I have spoken to about gogglebox say how stupid a programme it is and how people just do not watch tv like that.

No way are we going to watch a film and keep pausing and/or rewinding it. Both me and DH like to get totally engrossed in a film. TV programmes are slightly different but we don't make the inane comments like the wannabees in gogglebox nor do we see the need to pull silly faces and/or make silly noises

Stayingundermyblanket · 08/07/2025 11:55

At home we either sit and chat with music on or play a game. When we watch a film, its silently and we immerse ourselves in it. Lights off, drinks and snacks ready. If someone has a question about the film we pause it, take breaks etc. If someone doesn't like the film they leave, or read.
It's unusual to talk through a film, why bother having it on at all.

Lookuptotheskies · 08/07/2025 11:54

Oh OP, out of the four of you, one wants silence, the other three don't mind the odd bit of chat during a film that's been watched lots. Given the one demanding silence has been off away (not all essential away time you said) and you've been doing all the slog during this time AND not had to sit in silence during tv time I can understand your frustrations completely!

I had an ex who openly told me once he didn't want to talk to his small child after work, all he wanted to do was sit and silently watch tv as he'd been at work all day. Sweet jesus. He'd be visibly annoyed, pretend not to hear his child, or tell me he wanted quiet tv time etc. I never looked at him the same after that. It was the beginning of the end.

It's not just about last night's movie is it. It's about who he is as a partner and father and the choices and decisions he selfishly makes.

JamesWebbSpaceTelescope · 08/07/2025 11:49

So 3 people were happy watching a family favourite film (after a busy day?) and chatting, it deosn’t sound like a full conversation but the odd comment.

1 person wants silence.

Why does that 1 persons wishes get to trump everyone else’s?

Butterflyarms · 08/07/2025 11:34

You're annoyed he hasn't been around so you've picked an argument over something completely irrelevant. You need to have the argument about the actual thing that is bothering you or it will never be fixed and you will always feel resentful. Don't be a couple that divorces over dishes!

VirginaGirl · 08/07/2025 11:32

‘Complete nightmare’ it is not.

CautiousLurker01 · 08/07/2025 11:32

mydogisthebest · 08/07/2025 09:14

That is why I hate gogglebox. Inane chatter, pulling faces, screeching etc. No one I know watches tv like that

It’s not inane in our house - have film and lit buffs (several ADHD/ASD) who can’t resist giving a TedTalk on the writers or directors, however annoying my DH may find it… but, you see, there’s this amazing invention called a remote control. It comes with a pause and rewind button and everything. No film, however incredible, trumps human interaction, especially with my kids.

Oh and everyone I know watches TV like this in a group… if they want to watch a film silently they do so in their rooms, alone, on a device rather than in the lounge (fitted with 100inch screen, and surround sound, so we do take our films/audio seriously).

It’s an unspoken and accepted rule in our home that if you watch a movie in a communal setting in the communal area… it’s a social activity. Conversation is permitted.

Itallcomesdowntothis · 08/07/2025 11:32

Talking during a film is YABU

Calling my OH names in front of the children YABU

Putting this much negativity into watching a movie YABU

Building a negative pic of of your OH before the holiday to justify the talking during the movie YABU

Saying your children are traumatised for the experience YABU

CatOnAHotRadiator · 08/07/2025 11:31

Talking over tv and films means I really struggle to hear anything and I also find multiple sources of information like that totally overwhelming. If you want to chat turn off the tv.

but really PPs have this right. You need to figure things out with your husband not snipe at and insult each other in front of the kids. There’s clearly a disconnect and it’s ok to talk to him, in private, and say him being away so much is impacting you.

Leypt1 · 08/07/2025 11:27

Talking during the film isn't the issue, it's the way you both communicated your feelings towards each other (rudely and in front of your kids)

LillyPJ · 08/07/2025 11:24

enoughtomakeasailorspairoftrousers · 08/07/2025 10:19

There's a difference between getting together with some girlfriends and watching a film - when the main aim is to catch up and chat and the film is actually pretty incidental - and watching a film for the film's sake - when chatter is a bit of a no-no. Or putting a film on because you just want a bit of peace and quiet. I think you and your husband had different objectives here! Talk to him.

If I want a bit of peace and quiet, I'd turn the film OFF!

blackpear · 08/07/2025 11:23

I'm with your husband. I hate talking during films and TV and your reaction was pretty strong.

askmenow · 08/07/2025 11:19

Do not diminish your DH in front of your children! You reap what you sow OP.
If he did that to you, you'd say he didn't have your back, pain tho he may be.

thatsalad · 08/07/2025 11:17

Team husband. There are very few things that are more annoying than running commentary on the movie

MyDeftDuck · 08/07/2025 11:13

I can think of little worse than re-watching films over and over again so you have my sympathy OP, little wonder the kids get bored.
As you’re all away on holiday together wouldn’t it be more interesting to perhaps go bowling or some other activity that you might not ordinarily do at home? Even playing cards or a board game is more interesting than watching a repeated film surely?

HoppingPavlova · 08/07/2025 11:09

Nope, do t care how many times I’ve seen a film, I couldn’t be bothered continuing if people talk. I grab the remote and press pause and only press play when they stop, and repeat, and repeat. If they keep going I just leave them to the tv, and do something else and watch it myself another time.

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