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AIBU?

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Holiday day three… not going brilliantly

262 replies

Sealhaver · 08/07/2025 00:00

Hmmmm, so I feel I might really be unreasonable here, thus the post. I would say we are a classic family of four, with 14 year old daughter, and 10 year old son and typical marital disputes (some money, some mental load, some basic male uselessness…). Most notably,’husband has been away a lot over the past few months (due to work, but not entirely essential work) and the kids have clearly noticed this and felt slighted by this (as I have, in terms of picking up the slack, too).

So now, we are on long awaited holiday where we can all take a breath and reconnect… and somehow we are not all falling into the happy family patterns that husband anticipates. And it all comes to a head with: the film watching experience of tonight..Always a bit of a sore spot for us as I will happily comment and yap away- and he prefers total silence. Now, the kids and I try to respect this when watching a new film, but honestly, find it a bit ridiculous when doing a rewatch ..and also isn’t the bloody point of watching a film together as a family to do some bonding shit talk?!? So, complete nightmare following reasonably pleasant day when we decide to watch Harry Potter 1 (seen maybe 8-10 times as a family???) and we are chastised within the first 10 mins for talking too much. At this point, I most definitely do not take the moral high ground, but say he is acting as a massive asshat - and had I known movie silence would be required I may not have married him… this traumatising children who actually think this is a declaration of divorce. Everything then minimised and I pretend to sleep for the rest of the film (ah- keeping quiet and not talking!), but now the kids upset and the bloody husband claiming he has no idea why everyone is so on edge…. Do I just pretend all is normal and completely eat the ‘film silence’ shit… or do I stay strong and make this an issue?!! .

OP posts:
Sealhaver · 08/07/2025 00:48

XelaM · 08/07/2025 00:42

What weird replies! Do families just sit in silence all evening and not comment on what they are watching at all?! Totally weird in my books. OP I'm on your team! 💪🏻

i thought we were normal until now! Always assumed a sort of light chat appropriate if you knew the film (and I am in the silence camp if new film and need to concentrate)… but now am second guessing myself wildly!

OP posts:
JustWhiteNoise · 08/07/2025 00:47

I can't stand talking during films and one thing I've noticed in twenty years of secondary school teaching is how badly kids' attention spans have frayed - we occasionally watch the movie of a book/play (English teacher) and they need to be explicitly told that you watch films in silence. It's surprising to them in a way it just wasn't two decades ago. It worries me!

So my teenage kids watch films quietly and if I sneak a look at my phone, they tell me off. We talk about it afterwards! That said, we've never collectively watched a film for the 8th time; we watch new things together. I love a rewatch myself of my own comfort things but if we're doing a movie together as a family activity, it's something we all actually want to watch. I think it's a useful skill for kids to learn to be immersed in a narrative without interruption - I actually think it's absolutely vital that they do.

Sealhaver · 08/07/2025 00:46

FrodoBiggins · 08/07/2025 00:43

I think it's a bit weird that your DH would rather silently re-(re-re-re-re-re-re-)watch what is definitely a children's film than chat to his kids after not seeing them much lately. I'd have been pissed off (and perhaps even passively aggressively pretended to sleep) too.

Well, I think you may have nailed it here- and maybe why I should probably have a discussion with him about bigger issues (although I have to say the passive aggressive falling asleep was weirdly empowering…)

OP posts:
FrodoBiggins · 08/07/2025 00:43

Sealhaver · 08/07/2025 00:40

Clearly I am in the is minority, too! It’s mostly the kids who like to say things and when they talk, I tend to respond… regardless of how inane the comments. But it seems to make a very familiar film more fun- clearly not for everyone, though, I now see../

I think it's a bit weird that your DH would rather silently re-(re-re-re-re-re-re-)watch what is definitely a children's film than chat to his kids after not seeing them much lately. I'd have been pissed off (and perhaps even passively aggressively pretended to sleep) too.

Sealhaver · 08/07/2025 00:42

Krakinou · 08/07/2025 00:40

The passive-aggressive pretending to sleep is what put everyone on edge here so definitely your fault. DH pissed you off, you pissed him off, fine, probably a squabble your kids have seen a million times. But why drag it out for the next two hours like a sulky child?

Good point- not my finest hour. Actually do plan on trying to use these comments to be a better person tomorrow!

OP posts:
XelaM · 08/07/2025 00:42

What weird replies! Do families just sit in silence all evening and not comment on what they are watching at all?! Totally weird in my books. OP I'm on your team! 💪🏻

Krakinou · 08/07/2025 00:40

The passive-aggressive pretending to sleep is what put everyone on edge here so definitely your fault. DH pissed you off, you pissed him off, fine, probably a squabble your kids have seen a million times. But why drag it out for the next two hours like a sulky child?

Sealhaver · 08/07/2025 00:40

FrodoBiggins · 08/07/2025 00:37

Honestly to me the idea of silently watching a film you've watched before is akin to putting an album on and all sitting as a family listening to it in silence for 90 minutes.

I appreciate I'm in the small minority here apparently!

Clearly I am in the is minority, too! It’s mostly the kids who like to say things and when they talk, I tend to respond… regardless of how inane the comments. But it seems to make a very familiar film more fun- clearly not for everyone, though, I now see../

OP posts:
FrodoBiggins · 08/07/2025 00:37

Tahlbias · 08/07/2025 00:21

Why would you talk through a film?

Honestly to me the idea of silently watching a film you've watched before is akin to putting an album on and all sitting as a family listening to it in silence for 90 minutes.

I appreciate I'm in the small minority here apparently!

Sealhaver · 08/07/2025 00:34

Smallsalt · 08/07/2025 00:32

If you want to talk during the film then talk during the fucking film. Why does he get to dictate how films are watched.
It's not the cinema where you would be disturbing people who have paid.
It's your home/ holiday accomodation and if you want to talk, talk.
If he wants silence let him go and sit in a room on his own to watch.

Harry Potter for the 100th time, it's not like you are missing important plot points in a complex thriller.

Just going to say - thank you so much for this! It’s probably a bigger issue than the talking during the film… and you’ve just reminded me that maybe I don’t have to always capitulate and be the peacekeeper on these things! Much appreciated….

OP posts:
Smallsalt · 08/07/2025 00:32

If you want to talk during the film then talk during the fucking film. Why does he get to dictate how films are watched.
It's not the cinema where you would be disturbing people who have paid.
It's your home/ holiday accomodation and if you want to talk, talk.
If he wants silence let him go and sit in a room on his own to watch.

Harry Potter for the 100th time, it's not like you are missing important plot points in a complex thriller.

PeapodMcgee · 08/07/2025 00:25

Your marital disputes and way you talk to your husband (and poss way he talks to you too) must be so anxiety-inducing for your children. Don't underestimate how this can affect them.

Donotgiveashit · 08/07/2025 00:25

Where are you on holiday? Watching a film seems an odd way of spending your time away together!

pizzaHeart · 08/07/2025 00:22

Are we talking about commenting alongside or occasional producing sounds? If the former - YABVU. If the latter - it could be ok.
Which way do kids prefer: silence or talking? We often talk for DD’s benefit, it helps her to follow the storyline.
In general I would expect your DH to ask you politely and keep polite approach throughout but then I would expect you to shut up for at least a bit after being asked once if kids didn’t need your comments.

Tahlbias · 08/07/2025 00:21

Why would you talk through a film?

Eenameenadeeka · 08/07/2025 00:18

I personally hate when people talk during the movie although it's not as bad if you've seen it a lot, but did you actually tell him you wouldn't have married him, in front of your children? Cause that's really unreasonable.

FrodoBiggins · 08/07/2025 00:18

sweetpickle2 · 08/07/2025 00:14

Not total silence but “isn’t the bloody point of watching a film together as a family to do some bonding shit talk” sounds like OP expects a full on chin-wag.

Fair enough, must be a personality thing. For me the only reason to rewatch a film/tv show is for the shittalk. Take the piss out of the acting, speculate wildly about how the stunts were done, try to remember who's in what series now, all say which magical pet you'd have if you could (cat)

Sealhaver · 08/07/2025 00:15

Alll very good points (and thank you for those who understand the need to lightly banter while watching a v familiar movie..)!! Guess I need to rethink the entertainment for the next few days to prevent further debate…

OP posts:
sweetpickle2 · 08/07/2025 00:14

FrodoBiggins · 08/07/2025 00:11

Are you all for real? You'd silently watch a film you've seen 8-10 times before???

Not total silence but “isn’t the bloody point of watching a film together as a family to do some bonding shit talk” sounds like OP expects a full on chin-wag.

reversegear · 08/07/2025 00:13

I’m just confused by the fact you are on holiday and watching TV? Are you somewhere really boring.. why are you not our eating a meal having some drinks and chatting away there?

maudelovesharold · 08/07/2025 00:13

I know it’s not the point, but isn’t it a bit boring to be watching a film you’ve already seen 8-10 times already? I don’t think it’s a particularly good way of re-connecting either. Play Scrabble or Pictionary or something. Or watch a new film together (in silence) and discuss what you thought of it afterwards!

Enko · 08/07/2025 00:12

Well i dont agree no talking throughout a film. I dont agree on constant chatter either.

Having said that
If any of mine sticks on Harry potter. For the 12453245660594488383 time.. I shall talk throughout it as I wish and desire. As frankly they can recite it word for word. No need for silence..

beetr00 · 08/07/2025 00:11

Sealhaver · 08/07/2025 00:08

Alright- thank you and fair enough! Maybe we were being the irritating ones- it’s actually really useful to have other perspectives. I will say that it want constant chat, more comments when appropriate but I see how that might be annoying.

but how you talked to your husband, in front of the children, is totally unacceptable @Sealhaver At least own that!

Sealhaver · 08/07/2025 00:11

I stand totally corrected! Will actually give more thought to not doing this from now on- thank you all for an honest perspective.

OP posts:
FrodoBiggins · 08/07/2025 00:11

Are you all for real? You'd silently watch a film you've seen 8-10 times before???

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