To ask you for your best revenge ideas, real or imagined

When my father left my mother for her best friend (my poor mum - some people are just beyond vile); as revenge she used safety pins to secure a bag of kippers between the lining of his winter coat (it was July). Just inspirational level of brilliant pettiness.

@FrenchTucked I'm in the same position. I won't DO anything as I know that, one day, they will get their just desserts. I think about it though!

Imagined: skin them alive then roll them in salt. About 5 times a day for at least a month 😇

Weedkiller a jizzing cock in the front lawn. With the kind of weedkiller that's designed to kill brambles. They'll have to dig the lawn up to get rid of it.

Found this one out the hard way when I accidentally spilt a bottle of weedkiller on the grass.

Just to add I did this late Sunday and he had work the next day. Lots of buttons on bespoke suits and shirts.

Everything left hanging up beautifully, just a small bag left on the kitchen table to discover after he’d tried to get dressed Monday morning.

When I caught my ex-partner being unfaithful I cut the buttons off every piece of clothing he owned and left them all in a small bag with some thread, a sewing needle and a quiz asking: Who will deal with this mess? A1: Mummy (but I will have to confess I’ve been a shit) A2: OW (pro: can frame ex as unhinged con: will she question why I can’t sew buttons and I reveal myself as a misogynist twit) A3: Myself (but I have to actually do “woman” work and that’s really, really hard for me and btw what’s this little shiny pointy thing actually for?)

The gift that keeps on giving is a) buy stickers b) write Big boy call me + the desired mobile number c) enlist the help of any deviants or other likeminded people to pop them up in a variety of places (inside the cubicle in mens loos is good).

happy to help

I can't edit but I wish to revise my answer to cut-outs of Cilla Black. Though I'd just buy her faces and attach to cheaper random cut-out, as the full-size Cilla cut out I found was expensive (£44 vs about £11 for a random).

I've never had a hobby, but now I want to start a cardboard cut-out side hustle 😂

Maybe sign them both up for loads of junk mails/referrals and claim to be the other ‘referring’ them?

Hiding fish is classic. Stink the place out. Really hidden like pp say in the curtain poles or curtain hems. You need to drive them mad searching for it.

Low wattage light bulbs at different watts around the house, so new bloke struggles to see.

Sprinkle itching powder in random places - like your ex’s clothes, on a loo roll you leave behind to be ‘nice’ 😉

I cut all of my ex's boxer shorts in the middle which turned them into skirts 😇
I put holes in all of his socks too, petty I know

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Pet shop mice in the attic is a great idea - you can leave them some food so they can settle in nicely. Can't prove it was you - but only do it if your house is detached, or neighbours could suffer too.

Taking light bulbs is wonderfully petty, and so easy to do!

In some way, set them against each other, so that you are not traceable as the instigator. Sorry for no examples, but they can annoy each other, while you are safe and sound.

sew some frozen prawns into the hems of the curtains. It will take a week to 10 days to take effect (maybe quicker in this heatwave).

Give all the loos a good clean with his toothbrush?

What about a little infestation of some sort? I’m thinking like those Tupperware boxes of live crickets sold as pet food. Not expensive but very lively. Orrrr what about signing their telephone number up to a large database for lots of nuisance calls forever more. Ooo I do like this.

This would be for a local 'mean girl' mum who along with her daughter helped make my lovely ASD dd's time at secondary school hell. This woman walks around with a constant look of prim outrage on her face.

I would love to concrete a whole army of ugly, naked garden gnomes onto her front garden. I'd do it in the dead of night so she would wake up to them.

Won't happen but it's fun to think about!

Turn the main water stop cock off, then pierce a few holes in the pipe work in all bathrooms and kitchen. Once they figured out the water is off at the mains and then switched on again, the deluge would be satisfying..wet wet wet!

This thread is the best thing ever 😂 keeping it for future reference. I was expecting a whole pile of ‘that’s evil’ but the solidarity is immense 👏🏼👏🏼

Glitter bomb by post. A bugger to get out of carpets.

Pop a poo in a box and post it.

You are my idol 😂

Cut the arses out of his trousers and hang them all back up neatly.

Toothbrush around the bog.

Heating on an app you can control..full blast at all times hes in the house

Pierce his tea bags so he has annoying tea bits in his drink

I am far more childish than you lot. I'd draw a huge jizzing willy on the bathroom mirror, and the word COCK, so it appears when he's having a shower.

I love MN sometimes!

I think my perfect revenge would be ordering loads of cardboard cut-outs of people (random, could be celebrities) and hiding them behind doors/cupboards/the loft/behind the radiator, and just imagining the confused anger when discovered. Full size for big cupboards, and heads only for smaller spaces. Each labelled as the property of your ex. Bonus points if it's a celebrity your ex can't stand