To ask you for your best revenge ideas, real or imagined

Isn't that illegal?

Dog shit under the car door handle 💩

Well it wasn't deliberate but I certainly wasn't worried or disappointed by it.

I am freelance and in Nov 2021 ended up working on a conference for 4 days (Tues-Fri) with this woman who made the 4 days utterly miserable. I have never had this before - usually the people I am put to work with are brilliant. Anyway the nature of our work means spending most of the day in a 1 meter square cabin. I developed the most horrendous flu bug, coughing like a 40 a day smoker, snotty, fevery etc. I had to dig deep and get through the conference, with all her moaning and nit picking and I just thought, well there is no way she hasn't contracted it after sitting literally millimetres from me for 4 days - and she will have it right over the weekend! mwah ha ha ha ha

I've always thought posting someones phone number on a creepy chat room pretending to be an '18 year old blonde looking for fun' would be great revenge. Haven't done it...yet

I'd go for a large number of very petty irritations. The sort of thing that can't really be traced to you and just one thing would seem like 'just one of those things' but when little annoying things happen they might start to wonder why. But if they voice this they will seem crazy.

Some brilliant ideas above (love the removal of a small coffee machine part, and leaving 'lost' keys). A few more would be

• lock windows. leave a small key that looks like it is probably the window lock key, but take the actual key with you.
• loosen a few screws on any fixtures and fittings that are being left so that over time they fall out and shelves fall off etc
• sign your ex up to as many mailing lists/phone lists as you can. Signing up for competition websites is a great way to get the number/e-mail address shared far and wide
• if your ex has left any of his belongings behind, remove small items that he won't notice for ages but will really miss, and won't be entirely sure if he actually left them.

Plant Japanese knotweed in the garden .

This has killed me 😄

I've read this one on here before and thought it was brilliant.

You need a bag of cheap frozen sausages. Just before you leave hammer them into the ground in the garden. As they defrost the scent will attract animals and they'll dig the garden up looking for the sausages.

Meanwhile you're miles away enjoying your revenge and doing the "mwa ha hah" villain laugh

My friend found out her husband was having an affair and that the fancy coffee machine he loved had actually been bought by the OW as a gift for him. She removed and hid a small but vital part of the machine rendering it useless but she had plausible deniability and the added bonus of watching him look for it 😂.

Create a profile on grnder with his email address and phone number

Remove the fuse in any appliance plugs that you can and then super glue it back together so it can't be opened.

If they have a nice lawn, sprinkle seeds on it to spell out something.

Cover their garden in instant mash powder before it's due to rain.

Take all the door handles off or just loosen the screws so they are balanced on but will fall off as soon as they are touched (on the inside of a room).

Spray a sugar syrup mixture along the edges of any external walls inside to encourage ants to try and get in.

If they have an Alexa or any smart speakers make sure you stay connected to it and randomly blast music out in the middle of the night.

Change the netflix password.

Sign them up to mailing lists for things so they get hounded with calls.

You can actually order animal poo to be delivered anonymously online.

m.youtube.com/watch?v=O7_YuBHoNdg

When I left dickhead ex, I cleaned the toilet with his toothbrush, and switched the batteries (so the '+' side was on the '-') around on all the remotes etc so nothing worked.
A while ago, my awful bullying boss who made mine and my colleagues lives hell got his ph number written on every cash bill I had (used to do cash jobs and this was when all places accepted cash). He had a name that could be shortened (like Nicholas - Nick) and hated being called 'Nick' and used to go apeshit if anyone called him that ('My name is Nicholas, do not call me Nick !') so I made sure I wrote 'Nick' and his number on every bill I paid with.

These are excellent! Following in case the perfect one for a terrible colleague pops up.
MN at its finest.

These are the perfect type of revenge.

You've done at least one of these before haven't you? 🤣

Put a poo in the toilet cistern. Every time he flushes he’ll get dirty poo water coming down and he’ll have to fish for it to clean it out.

Freeze a shit (human, cat or dog - your choice) and when it’s hard use a small grater to grate it all over the house. Carpets, between floorboards etc. (Not my own idea of revenge, I read it somewhere else)

Loosen the hinges slightly on all doors including kitchen cabinets.

Buy a clock with a call to prayer alarm, set it to 2am and hide it somewhere in the house ( they are very loud).

If you have time get some tester pots and paint all the radiators in rainbow stripes, it will be a nightmare to repaint them.

Does the house have carpets are hard flooring? If carpets get yourself some cress seeds and pour them all over. Cress grows and doesn’t need watering, they’ll be a lovely bed a cress growing all over the carpets in no time, prawns stuffed behind radiators

Sprinkle packets and packets of stinging nettle seeds in the garden

Double glazing companies, cavity wall insulation, new WiFi contracts, all the annoying spammers who will never ever take you off their contact list.

Sign his email up to junk mail especially penis enlargement, hair regrowth for bald men, incontinence pads. Advertise his watch or Lego collection cheaply cash on collection. Spray paint the word paedophile on his car. Even when he gets it repainted the neighbours will always wonder. Steal his passport and he won't know it's missing until he looks for it to go on holiday and hopefully won't have time to get a replacement. Put a little sugar in his petrol tank.

My exh had interflora on repeat for my birthdays, Mother's Day, Valentine's Day, Wedding Anniversary, Xmas and anniversary of our engagement. They sent me wonderful bouquets on each of these dates and he paid by pre signed direct debit. After we split I didn't tell him I was still getting flowers. He paid to send me these flowers for almost 18 months and was fuming when he finally realised.

Or you could do something nice, such as leaving some toilet roll for the new pirchaser - with his face printed on it.