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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask you for your best revenge ideas, real or imagined

206 replies

BonfireToffee · 17/06/2025 21:36

Currently being dragged through the shit by the man buying my hugely abusive STBXH’s house.

As I’m the occupier and my name’s not on the deeds (“it’s my house, I paid for it”), I’ve essentially been used as a ping pong ball between these two gargantuan arseholes.

We finally exchanged today, after more than a year of absolute nonsense—delays, demands, slow drive-bys (complete with evil stares) and renegotiations.

With just under two weeks until we complete and I can finally leave this hellhole, I’m contenting myself with imagining all the terrible but legal revenge I could (but won’t) enact on these two festering boils on the bum cheeks of humanity.

And so to my AIBU: am I being unreasonable to ask you to share with me your most delicious ideas for revenge, whether they’re something you’ve done or something you’ve only fantasised about?

Please, vipers: help me get through the last 10 days in a house I never loved and never thought I’d be brave enough to leave.

PS: No bollocks about living well — I fully intend to after 16 years of abuse, but right now I want to indulge evil thoughts.

OP posts:
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Calling · 18/05/2026 19:43

TheCoralMoose · 18/06/2025 23:06

Yep nothing devalues a property more.

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Unfortunately, it is illegal to plant or spread this and for very good reasons.

craycray431 · 05/05/2026 13:24

Do u have the home/work address?

pinkingshears · 05/05/2026 11:07

Any remote revenge ideas please ?
Legal ones only though (& no email/mobile number unfortunately). Not super-nasty, just petty & ongoing preferably.

Sarnpark · 03/05/2026 23:17

This reply has been withdrawn

Post withdrawn at author's request

Cdu · 07/03/2026 18:18

I think you have to leave lightbulbs (not sure why I even know that)

Whatwaswrongwiththatusername · 19/06/2025 14:24

LiveshipParagon · 18/06/2025 14:05

Cucumbers too, absolutely awful stench

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Oh, rotten eggs! Have you ever had one that “exploded” when off? It smells like death and so hard to get rid of the smell even once cleaned up, so maybe a few eggs hidden around…🤢🤢

CherryRipe1 · 19/06/2025 13:12

Keep turning water off outside if they have this. Fleas/moths/bedbugs through the letterbox. I knew some mad women who fell out & put snakes and rats through each others letterboxes. For nightmare loud neighbours from hell; Audio drone angled towards roof, play horrible loud death metal or any shitty music of choice until they shut the hell up. For nasty partners, slice a small razor cut in clothes and every time it's washed the holes and fray will get worse or splash with battery acid. Super Glue tyre valve then tyres won't be able to be inflated. There's some good ones on here!

CherryRipe1 · 19/06/2025 12:54

KIlliePieMyOhMy · 17/06/2025 22:34

Pop a poo in a box and post it.

Preferably dog/fox/cat poo due to DNA.

Catsandcannedbeans · 19/06/2025 11:39

Hide sausages in the hem of curtains or if you can any crevice they won’t be found and they will stink up a place.
sign him up for any email spam you can, also gyms in the area, Mormons, whatever.

This is my real kicker - gumtree add advertising loads of Rangers merch (you can find pics online) and say you’re giving it away because Celtic are doing better. Select football teams that are appropriate for your area. Add their number. You can also do gumtree adds for free warhammer stuff, free puppies, but the football one… that will take them down. I know someone who had to change his number.

Orangemintcream · 19/06/2025 11:25

I heard of someone - back when Game of Thrones was on and it was the season finale.

Their ex had been watching it via their subscription and they allowed it. Apparently he has a group of people over to watch the finale.

They cancelled the subscription an hour before the show aired.

Tagyoureit · 19/06/2025 10:50

FrenchTucked · 17/06/2025 22:44

This would be for a local 'mean girl' mum who along with her daughter helped make my lovely ASD dd's time at secondary school hell. This woman walks around with a constant look of prim outrage on her face.

I would love to concrete a whole army of ugly, naked garden gnomes onto her front garden. I'd do it in the dead of night so she would wake up to them.

Won't happen but it's fun to think about!

I reckon gorilla glue would make that process quicker

665theneighborofthebeast · 19/06/2025 10:28

You can put a wireless doorbell receiver anywhere you want. Then press the bell part every time you drive past the house.

665theneighborofthebeast · 19/06/2025 10:25

Slightly more involved. Pee into a narrow nozzeled bottle ( like a squeezy ketchup bottle) so you can write a rude word on the carpet in urine. ( You may need a jug here) Let it dry. Change the bulb in the room for a blacklight.

When he turns the light on ..voila !!! It will glow

665theneighborofthebeast · 19/06/2025 10:20

murasaki · 17/06/2025 22:43

Glitter bomb by post. A bugger to get out of carpets.

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Cheaper and more effective. Balance an open tub of glitter on the loft hatch as you carefully close it.

ScupperedbytheSea · 19/06/2025 10:20

Get a load of cheap fire alarms, and the cheapest batteries you can find (or old ones, even better).

Hide them anywhere really hard to find. Corners of loft, behind water tank, behind kitchen cupboards, under stairs, under floorboard etc. You get the drift.

At some point those smoke alarms are going to run down, and then they are going to start beeping intermittently for a minutes for absolutely ages. And the fucker will drive himself mad trying to find them.

Auroraloves · 19/06/2025 10:02

Loving these ideas 😂

raymanrules · 19/06/2025 05:46

This thread has just made my whole day 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Jimchernyak · 19/06/2025 04:15

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This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

TheCoralMoose · 19/06/2025 01:15

Readinstead · 19/06/2025 01:11

Loosen the screws in a couple of the floorboards in high traffic areas to cause them to creak.
Apply wax or grease to the odd window pane (leaving the rest clear) some inside some outside. Wd40 on mirrors
Bat poo in the attic and report it! Especially if they are planning a loft extention
Dribble proper perfume down the backs of radiators or sprinkle on carpets - my toddler dd spilt Chanel No 5 on herself and the carpet. When the clothes were washed and ironed the smell was reactivated for months and I had to replace the carpet.
Accidental small spills of shampoo/body wash on the carpet. It dries stiff and foams nicely when you try to clean it.
Grit under external doors, scratches tiles and wooden floors and makes a noise.
Wait 6 months or so then send a glitter bomb.

Like your style 😉

TheCoralMoose · 19/06/2025 01:14

Imbluedalale · 18/06/2025 23:49

Was he a butcher ? 🤣🤣

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A police officer.

Readinstead · 19/06/2025 01:11

Loosen the screws in a couple of the floorboards in high traffic areas to cause them to creak.
Apply wax or grease to the odd window pane (leaving the rest clear) some inside some outside. Wd40 on mirrors
Bat poo in the attic and report it! Especially if they are planning a loft extention
Dribble proper perfume down the backs of radiators or sprinkle on carpets - my toddler dd spilt Chanel No 5 on herself and the carpet. When the clothes were washed and ironed the smell was reactivated for months and I had to replace the carpet.
Accidental small spills of shampoo/body wash on the carpet. It dries stiff and foams nicely when you try to clean it.
Grit under external doors, scratches tiles and wooden floors and makes a noise.
Wait 6 months or so then send a glitter bomb.

Gattopardo · 19/06/2025 01:02

An ex of mine had a very unfortunate trip to the clap clinic owing to extreme burning sensations on his penis.

It turned out he’d been chopping chillies by hand, gave hands a cursory wash, and then went for wee (or possibly … more ;))

It always struck me that scotch bonnets were a gift to womankind, harmless long term, uncomfortable and embarrassing short term.

Gattopardo · 19/06/2025 00:48

Carpet moths are almost impossible to get rid of, short of removing all the carpets and fumigating the house.

Imbluedalale · 19/06/2025 00:42

PyongyangKipperbang · 19/06/2025 00:25

I rather think he worked for his majesty's constabulary!

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🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

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