Found out my family hid my Husband’s behaviour from me for the last 2 years

You must have zero confidence to stay with him. How low does your husband have to be for you to want more?

How confident are you that no one else has said yes to him?

Look, your mum and sister probably didn’t know what to do for the best. But this isn’t really about them, their innocent parties who have got caught in all of this. The person to blame is your sleezy, unfaithful husband.

In the circs some women "shoot the messager" and that probably influenced their thoughts about whether to tell you.

And even now you're more angry at them and your sister was a victim of your husbands behaviour and your mum a bystand.

I understand why you're hurt but whatever decision you make you'll need their support so be angry but forgive them, talk to them

I don’t think I could trust any of them ever again.

He came up behind her and touched her waist and said he’d always imagined what it would be like to sleep with her.

This is so so gross OP. Honestly if my DH did this to one of my female family members I’d feel physically sick. I know it’s cliche to tell you to LTB but in this case I would 100% be taking some time out. Either asking him to move out for a bit or moving out yourself to gather your thoughts. I wouldn’t be too angry with your mum and sister….this is a really difficult situation they were put in.

Your sister is not very sisterly is she? First she suppresses information that you arguably had the right to know, secondly she tells you that information long after the event in order to upset you, thirdly she has the gall to tell you how you ought to react to it.

I voted YABU, your sister has been SA’d at the end of the day, confided in your mum who (in her generations mindset of women always play nice) told her to keep quiet.

This 👏 is 👏 your 👏’D’H 👏 fault. Not yours; not your sisters; not your mothers.

Editing to add that about 10 years ago my Sister had the groom of one of her best friends try it on with her at his wedding reception!! She told me and our Mum afterwards and I’m sorry to say we all agreed it would be best not to say anything as he’d just lie and say she misheard or whatever. He went on to try it again 6 months later, even trying to kiss her. The couple are still married and my sister is still her friend…I think I would give different advice now…

My ex did this with my sister, and it also took time for her to tell me. I was devastated, I imagine you are too OP, it’s so shocking.

it’s such self sabotaging/risky behaviour of the partner in these situations, I think it probably always belies a lot of other reckless, stupid and destructive behaviour that is going on. in my case he eventually admitted to at least 9 infidelities including unprotected sex with a crack addicted prostitute. crazy behaviour.

I would not be sure this is the extent of it, theres life beyond a relationship like this. You deserve so much more.

as for your family, they need to give you some space to get your head around this!

I’d be furious with them all.
Forgive your family and divorce the husband.

Stop.

There is no statute of limitations on sleazy bastard behaviour.

What do you mean "would you have believed your sister"? Clearly, she does. Her sister is utterly callous for telling her how she did too, clearly wasn't worried about not being believed.

I'm so sorry OP, that's such a huge betrail. Your husband is an utter creep.

Yes, absolutely I’d have trusted them. I had a crap relationship before my H and they said they didn’t want me to throw this one away over something silly and drunken so covered it up.

Oh dear, it is a totally crap reason for covering up for your husband. I did not tell my friend as I did not think she was ready for the news and might not believe me (I dropped hints and could see how she evaded the topic). I always knew that she was better off without him.

I had a good friend's husband make multiple passes at me while I was visiting them and it was so awkward that I stayed out of the house to avoid being alone with him. I did not tell her as I could find no good way of telling her then. Later I discovered that they were in couples counselling trying to save the marriage and I let it go. She divorced him when he tried to make a move on her sister who was visiting them. She later asked me why I hadn't told her, she was upset but I could still see that my telling her at the initial stage would not have landed well with her - she had blinders on. It took the pos making a pretty blatant move on her sister to wake her up.

I would be pissed off with my mum and sister, but I could forgive them.

That disgusting piece of shit who is supposed to love you, I could never see my way to forgiving that.

When someone tells you who they are, listen.

He's a sleazy perv who thought nothing of talking about your sister's arse to her own boyfriend 🤢.

I'm going to hazard a guess he watches porn, has a stash of pictures in a wank bank of random women, and thinks he's gods gift.

This !
Absolutely this.
You probably wouldn’t have believed her.
At least he has admitted it.
If my husband made a pass at my sister he’d be out the door.

happened to my sil her dsis huband came onto her she decided not to tell her-he eventually cheated but i dont think she ever found out about her sister

they didnt want to risk being vcut off apparently

One drunk comment is worlds apart from repeatedly making deeply inappropriate comments to and about your sister. Fucking hell.

He is genuinely revolting. And completely without boundaries, morals or respect.

What would you have said at the time? Lots of women won't believe, say the other person is jealous, choose to stay. All of those reactions would likely have destroyed your relationship with your sister.

She should have told you the first time. He apologised straight after. Rightly or wrongly she assumed it wouldn't happen again.
It's happen a second time how does she tell you now as she has to tell you about the first time. Then the third has happen.

The way it came out sounds like it has been eating away at her. They were wrong not to tell you.

He was wrong to consider it in the first place - you were ill!!
He was wong to do offer such a gift
He's a tit to pass such a sexual comment to her DP.

Get checked for an STI as if he can say this to your sister waht will he say when out.

My sister knows if she told me something like this my partner would be out that night.

You have every right to be angry with them all. Only you know what to do going forward. Take your time process it.

It wasn't silly. It was sleazy and disgusting. If your sister had said yes he'd have had sex with her. Urgh

Ugh. He sexually harassed your sister on multiple occasions. And then your mother convinced her not to say anything to protect him.

No wonder she exploded when she felt her DP was under attack.

Your shock is understandable from both revalations. I want you to step back though and think, why are you not focusing all your fury at your vile husband? He sexually harrassed your sister and touched her, made VERY inappropriate remarks and he wasn't drunk was he when he asked if sge wanted a sex toy for Xmas. Your husband is a gross, nasty, sick sexual predator. Your sister has been a victim of his illegal behaviour that in a workplace would get him sacked and if reported, arrested for sexual harrassment. You are reeling that it has been covered up, but sadly females have hidden the predatory ways of men for fear of not being believed or blamed. I wonder if you would have tried to make your sister out as a liar or coming onto him if she had tokd you at the time. Your mum was being a mum and trying to protect bothof you. The one you should be disgusted and furious at is your pervert husband for harrassing your sister. She is a victim here and you are the wife of a sleazeball. Stop being nad at your sister and mum. I'd be done with the odious husband and divorce him. What he did to your sister is not a drunken mistake. He made perverted comments and touched her! He is for the divorce pit.

This is what he says to your SISTER. What's he saying to other women? It wasn't a drunken comment once, it's three times. This is who he is, alone is better than tolerating that.

I think your mum and sister, albeit grossly misguided, we're trying to protect you.

It's absolutely not their fault that your husband is a disrespectful, sleezy, creep.

You know that you can't stay with a man who hits of your sister. He has zero boundaries and will go on to hurt you again and again.

His actions are unforgiveable.
Theirs are, although I don't think it would be wrong to tell them you feel very hurt that the didn't tell you sooner.

I mean, given you now seem to be focusing your anger on them, I kinda think they had a point thinking you would do mental contortions to spare him and blame them...

Them not telling you was NOT the problem here.

Men like your DH deliberately pick on women close to you Op, they do it because they know how hard it will be for them to tell you what he did. Frankly he's a creep, he banked on your DSis not wanting to fall out with you