Found out my family hid my Husband’s behaviour from me for the last 2 years

This update 🤢

You are married to a total sleazebag who has no shame in showing this side of himself to your nearest family and their partners, so wonder what he's like away from people you know?

I would be mortified with embarrassment as the father of my children.

I would get rid. No question
💐

It's enabling behaviour from them and honestly? Is this sleeze all they think your worth? Because if this is how he behaves around family how does he behave elsewhere? I would divorce him and not want anything to do with them either they do not have your best interests at heart

Hold on, other than this revolting man .... your mother told her daughter, your sister, to not say anything and put up with these comments? And now she's telling you not to be stubborn, ie, not to rock the boat, and let betrayal of you and sexual harassment of your sister go?

Love, you've been betrayed all round. Less by your sister than anyone else though.

Sadly you need to take a very good long look at your mother here, when you have time to think.

I have to say I think a marriage of trust and respect is over. If you stay, you know you're staying with a cheat, a liar, a manipulative harasser not only of women, but of the people you love most in the world. Harsh language and oh so common behaviour, but this is what it is.

you’ve misunderstood my post, The OP has not said she’s left him. He is clearly someone who has done this before and is brazen given his comments to her sister. It was not a mistake on his part and this should be marriage ending. They know her well. If she hasn’t left him, her family may have known this was the likely outcome and therefore did not tell her because what would be the point. This man is not going to change so if she stays she had decided she will overlook this behaviour.

if she has left him, then I agreed with her that they should have told her.

The main issue here is your H is a disgusting sleaze. He probably chose your Dsis to harass because of who she was and the thrill of would she tell, as well as the clandestine excitement of her responses. His come on was so crude that I think he possibly also gets a thrill out of being rejected - basically any reaction is good. But he is clearly not restricting himself to a few dirty remarks to one person.

Your Dsis and Dm haven’t handled this well - for your Dsis sometimes it’s hard to know how to react when you are being sexually harassed, but keep your main anger for the pond life that deserves it.

Your husband has a problem with alcohol too, Op.

I'm not blaming them for his actions. I'm blaming them for their actions.

I have had situations where my family haven't listened when I told them things

Take time out but channel to the person who caused the pain

It's not silly and drunken though. He wasn't so shitfaced that he didn't know what he was doing and by them calling it silly is them minimising his behaviour and also minimising theirs so that is a giant piss take.

I would end my marriage over this. It's wasn't just a one off, it's a continuous theme.

How you move forward with your family would depend on your personality. Would you have flared up at them and been hostile or simply disbelieve them or would you have been temperate about it and listened because I think your own personality needs to be taken into consideration over their silence as to if their silence justified in any way?

I would never be able to trust him or see him as anything other than a sleaze so it would be dead for me. He knew what he was doing and was taking a punt on her responding favourably to him.

Well in fairness they were right, no good has come of it. Perhaps they just didn't know how to tell you. Perhaps your sister worried you might be annoyed at her or not believe her and think she was jealous. Perhaps they worried it might destroy your relationship, but either way they were right that no good would come of saying anything. Maybe put yourself in that position because we can all say oh id definitely want to know, but it's not always that simple when you're in the situation.

Gently ,I think his behaviour is well low.its surprising how many times I read about this kind of hitting on a family member. I would think hard about him.he is still saying things to her and the remarks about the new BF enjoying he bum are just gross.

I agree with pp that you're channelling your anger at the wrong people.

Your dh is 100% to blame here, not your sis or mum. They tried to spare you pain.

This is excellent advice, @Emily877 ❤️
Give yourself space and time to think and grieve and mostly - pull yourself together.

I would be very upset about this but it is your DH who has created this situation, not your mum or sister. It is really tricky when people have sleazy partners and husbands. I know from experience that women usually blame the woman, not the man, and it is best to keep quiet. I reached the conclusion that on the whole people didn’t want to know. Difficult when it is such close members of the family though.

I do agree with this. I don’t think a man makes sexual advances and innuendos towards his wife’s sister if he isn’t already like that with others! ^^

Op, judging from your posts I can actually
understand why your mother and sister chose not to tell you . You appear to be shifting the focus to your sister and mother rather than your ‘ d’h
Your husband is a nasty, disgusting sex pest who is unable to control his predilections
Only God knows how many other of your friends and relatives this man has sexually harassed because be rest assured your sister is not the only victim
This is not a marriage that can be salvaged , your dh is a sick man and I don’t say this lightly .
For your own sake you should end this marriage and consider having some much needed therapy

:( I can see why she didn’t tell you. Poor woman.

Shes was the single sister. Of course she was worried about losing a relationship with you.

more often than not in these situations married people closer ranks, turn a blind eye and call the woman a harlot or some other reason why is the woman’s fault.

not saying you would’ve but I can understand her caution. Even now it’s the women’s fault for the fallout from the man’s behaviour. Rather than being angry at him putting them in this impossible situation.

Your husband is gross. ‘Enjoying her bum.’🤢🤢🤢

So you were unwell and went home. He used that chance to make a disgusting comment to your sister. Yuk.

I am surprised your sister has been able to be normal with him since and look him in the eye without recoiling.

I couldn’t stay with a man like this. I think your family thought they were doing the right thing at the time. You can be annoyed with them for now, but don’t hold a grudge. You are going to need them when your marriage ends. I am sorry.

It’s interesting you have expressed one particularly negative thought towards your husband in any of your posts.
What’s your plan? Are you still together?
You seem to be focusing the blame on your sister and mother rather than your DH, perhaps your sister felt that’s how you would react if she told you your DH told her he wanted to sleep with her?

He would be gone . End of story

I understand that you feel disappointed with your sister and your mum. Your sis asked your mum for advice and she told her to not rock the boat. Have a talk with them, tell them how you feel about this. But do not blame them for your DHs disgusting behaviour ! He's a vile pig and you should get rid of him asap. If he's trying it on with your sistet you can be sure he has cheated on you with someone else.

How incredibly hurtful. As disgusting as his behaviour is, I'd be equally as upset that they chose to keep it from me for two years!
And as for the messages calling you stubborn, words fail me, I'm really sorry
Do you have someone you could stay with just to get out of their sight for a day or two?
Do you want to save your marriage?
if it was a drunken one off then maybe I could, but not a pattern of sleazy behaviour
You deserve better than this creep

The way she told you, with malice, is the part I would struggle to get over. It would feel like she’s been almost holding it over you this entire time without you even knowing and rather than letting you know from a place of concern it got weaponised and used against YOU. Really nasty behavior.

Id struggle with this too op and them messaging saying you are stubborn is then trying to get you to put up and shut up as that is easier for THEM. They have been really hurtful. You’re owed a really sincere apology at least, not more shitty messages acting like you are the issue.

So sorry about your husband too. It would be unforgivable for me, but I know real life is much harder than just thinking it.

What horrible situation for you and, yes, your family. I would first priorotise dealing with my husband (by kicking him out the door actually). Don't hold it against your family please, they were put in a horrible situation. But it's OK to ask them for space and support from a distance while you deal with your feelings. Unfortunately your sister is unlikely to be his only target, so get ready for hearing similar stories from friends etc if you do separate.

I couldn't get past this. When people are intoxicated they let their inhibitions slip and their true thoughts and feelings come out. He fancies your sister. If your sister had been willing he'd have fucked her that night not even thinking of you feeling poorly at home. I'd bin off husband and low contact with Mum and sister although not their fault they concealed this from you. Makes me wonder if they have concealed anything else from you.