Found out my family hid my Husband’s behaviour from me for the last 2 years

That's shocking - you've just proved them right.

Also if you've cut your family off, thats a line of communication cut off where you'll hear anything about his behaviour anyway. You've practically given him leeway to try it elsewhere.

“For the sake of our children I’ve given my Husband a final warning that if I so much as hear any rumour about his behaviour moving forward, we are over.
I have told my Mum and Sister I need some space, I am not cutting them out of my life but I just need to process what they’ve done and I’m really struggling with it.“

Fucking Hell, that’s like Jemima Puddleduck letting Mr Todd into her house whilst the rabbits are telling her that he’s going to eat her.

Wow, you punish your own blood family for the minor error of trying to protect you from heartbreak, but not your husband from having been a sleaze over YEARS?

For the sake of your children? Let me tell you, if he’s said those awful things to your sister, he’s said much worse to other women. And he sounds like he has a drink problem - so why are your children better off, exactly, with you two together?

Oh dear.

Obvious why they said nothing then.

Oh dear, OP. I’m not sure your loyalties have gone quite the right way.

For the sake of the children show them you are not a wet wipe.

I hope you dont have sons watching this behaviour be normalised.
I hope you dont have daughters that grow up to be such door mats!

This is why they didn't tell you!

Have you atleast had an STI test?

So your sister and mom was right then. They can’t win. You accepted your sleezebag called a husband and they’re the ones being punished. If your husband can do that nonsense to family, he’s probably done loads more with other women who you don’t know. If they had told you then, you would have accepted him back as well and cut them off too. Good luck with it all.

You would have had the same reaction whenever they told you. 100%
It’s the reason they didn’t. It was a lose lose for them and here it is.

also, someone that's comfortable making it that known to someone that he'd like to sleep with them TO YOUR ACTUAL SISTER, would be immeasurably more comfortable doing the same with women you don't know.

and the "drunkenness" is a red herring too.

he deliberately waited until it was just the 2 of them, knowing you had gone home. that seems much more calculated than a drunken mistake.

OP, it's very telling that your DH has got of so much more easily than your mum/sister, despite him

1. being a disgusting sleazeball on multiple occasions
2. putting them in a horrible position where they have to decide whether to tell you or not, how you would receive the information etc

he gets a warning, they're temporarily cut-off.

this seems a bit backwards, if i'm honest.

This. OP this is not the way to go and you have given him carte blanche to do it again and again so long as he doesn't do it in the family.

So you're punishing the victim of your arsehole of a husband...

He gets a final warning for his vile behaviour and your sister and mum are being told to stay away for essentially not knowing what to do about his vile unsolicited comments towards your sister.

Yes, they should have told you. But the person who was truly in the wrong here is your husband.

Wow.

This!!!

Hes got the confidence to approach your sister from somewhere and I’d bet it would be from a lifetime of trying his luck being a sleazy sex pest.

It is very very unlikely that your sister is the first and only woman he has propositioned and made rancid comments about.

Dump him. Take time to think about your relationship with Mum and sister but I do think they were coming from a good place at first and then it got to the “but would she believe us now” stage.

Wow I think it's completely unreasonable to punish your mother and sister for something your husband did, yet he gets away with it. Saying if you hear anything about him doing this again just let's him know that you're ok with his behaviour, as long as you're not made aware of it. Your poor mother and sister deserve better (she was a victim) and it makes sense why they decided not to tell you as this would be the outcome.

Well I'm not here to tell you what to do, however I couldn't stay with him, especially as I'd be wondering if he's lusting after my sister while with me (especially during intimate moments). Also he has no boundaries going after your own sister, therefore other family members will not be safe from him either. I just hope you haven't lost your sister forever following this! You could have forgiven your mother and sister too (I don't think there is anything to forgive as they were just trying to protect your feelings) just as you've forgiven him and continue having a relationship with all three. But, it's your choice and you have to make the decision you think is best for yourself.

Husband: (sleazy repeat creep who targets wife's own sister) - gets a second chance, gets to stay in your life, your home, around your children who will be learning from his behaviour and your enabling.

Sister: (victim of sexual harassment) - gets pushed away and isolated as punishment.

Mother: (of both women, who knew this was a likely outcome once you knew) - also pushed away and punished.

You've got it all arse about face.

It's the sleazebag who needs to be sent into isolation to think about what he did.

And the children need to see consequences in action. (Age appropriate).

And your sister who needs understanding for what happened to her.

And your mother for trying to hold things together.

Talk to your mother and sister - ensure they understand how this has made you feel, that their defensiveness has made them say unfortunate things that will now stop, that family comes first and women need to stand together against creeps.

Looks like the husband has learned his lesson....if the lesson is don't be a sleazy twat to family, save it for work or other social occasions.

I understand the not wanting to break up a family thing, but he would be an ' ex' in my head from now on, it would be complete stupidity to believe that he won't do this again.

Ah. 'For the children'. It'll be so nice for them to realise later that the reason the relationship between mummy, aunty and granny is so strained is 'for them'. Do you REALLY think this is in your children's best interests? To grow up in a household where mummy is isolated and watchful and daddy is a sleaze? Where all the adults around them are walking on eggshells?

Wake up.

Your husband will treat your 'final warning' as a memo to try harder to keep it quiet, i.e. he'll play away from home a bit further away.

Don't isolate yourself from your sister and mother. They feared this exact reaction from you. They love you. Does your husband?

Your poor mother and sister. It's disappointing you have sided with your pervy husband. Why do you need space from them but not the disgusting husband who has caused this drama. If my husband done this to my sister I certainly wouldn't be behaving like you. I'd understand why they kept the information back but make sure they told me everything in future straight away. No keeping things aside to protect my feelings

I actually can't believe you need space from them but not him. Absolutely unbelievable. If I were them I'd be distancing myself from you and your vile husband.

@Emily877
ironically, your post at 8am this morning is PRECISELY why they didn’t tell you. With the information you have dismissed your husbands behaviour and blamed them. So there would have been no value telling you.

This. If I were your sister I would seriously just go FU at this point, and if I were your mum I would support the sister. And I would not necessarily forgive you once you see the light.

Your husband groped your sister and has been completely inappropriate to her more than once.

Your response? Keep the husband but ditch the sister. Nice! Talk about victim blaming. I hope your sister votes with her feet and keeps herself safe from this absolute scumbag.

Your poor kids.

For the sake of your children, you should end it. This is grim. They’ll probably find out at some point. Then they’ll know you put herself last and lived with a revolting creep ‘for them.’ If they’re female, they’ll repeat what you have and put up and shut up, if they’re males they’ll treat women with no respect, like you allow your revolting husband to do.
you are internally deflecting blame to your mum and your sister who was a victim, to avoid thinking about how grim your husband is.

OP have you really thought this through?

Your husband was willing and eager to have sex with your own sister. The only reason he didn’t fuck her - fuck your own sister- was because she said no. I couldn’t live with a sleeze like that.

If you are prepared to stay with this man you simply cannot punish your sister and your mum as your current actions have proved their decision to have been absolutely correct.

As you are staying, in order to keep your sanity, you will have to make sure you don’t introduce him to female friends, he doesn’t have a job where he has to stay overnight, he doesn’t have female colleagues, he isn’t left alone with female relatives and he must give you the password and unlimited access to his phone. None of this is normal or healthy.

You will live an exhausting and paranoid existence because he is a sneaky morally corrupt shite and you will need to keep an eye on him for the rest of your life. And your family will all hate him. And you probably hate him too.

Stop wasting your life @Emily877 . If he is trying to crack on with your sister and making crude remarks then what do you think he's doing with other women? You can't trust him with your family so who can you trust him with? I think you should find a solicitor, book a free consultation and get some advice/ information. Impower yourself with the knowledge you need tobmore forward with your life.

I would be furious if my family were keeping secrets like this from me. I understand that you feel you need a bit of space. However, I wouldn't take that space physically at the moment. I wonderbof your husband is being very calculated and trying to isolate you from your family. If he's trying to purposefully cause a rift. I think you'd be better to tell them that you know that they love you and didnt want to tell you because they knew you'd feel hurt but you'd prefer to know and don't want secrets between you moving forward. You are going to need your families support.

You need to be careful you don't lose your family for the sake of a relationship with a disgusting sleaze.