Found out my family hid my Husband’s behaviour from me for the last 2 years

I think your sister is a victim here, she has had lewd comments made and been sexually harassed by your disgusting husband. He is a vile creep but now you seem more angry with your sister and mum than him - maybe that's why they didn't feel they could tell you.

I would be angry with them too. By depriving you of the truth they've deprived you of being able to make a decision two years ago. If you would have dumped him then it's two years of your life you've now wasted. It wasn't for them to decide he was "good enough" for you.

But most of your anger should be for him surely? He didn't just make one drunken sleazy mistake. It was a number of times and with someone you know and love. I'm wondering how many times he's done it to other women who aren't in a position to tell you. Yeuch!

Sounds like they were keeping it for in case they ever needed to throw it at you in an arguement. I couldn't forgive that but also your husband is scum to do this to you as well & creat that divide in your family.

No idea how you'd move on from this though just hoping you have support outside of him/them through friends, councillor ect.

Your husband has repeatedly hit on your sister and she's said nothing.

Now, would you have believed your sister? Are you close?

I think they just didn't want to rock the boat and were being protective of your sister from the fallout while leaving you stuck with a cheater that you didn't know was cheating. He could have given you an STI that could have life altering implications.

He was horrible, but their loyalty should have been towards you, not covering up for him.

I'm a pretty rational person but I fail to see their logic in this coverup for two years.

The only thing I can think of is if they knew you wouldn't leave him even if you knew he was a dog.

Oh. My. God.

Utterly gross.

He said these things to your own sister!

That's bad enough. But for your mom and sister to think you should stay with a sleazeball like that rather than tell you is appalling.

I'm so sorry.

I think when they didn't say anything the first time (& I get it if he was drunk & apologised immediately) they were then between a rock & a hard place when he carried on.

There are many women on here who say that they would say nothing/not get involved for fear of not being believed.

I totally get why you are angry with them-perhaps they thought that you wouldn't beileve them or would "laugh off" his version?

But really it all goes back to him & what an utter shit he is doesn't it?

Well if you stay with him then they would have judged right (notwithstanding it all coming out now).

I totally disagree with other posters who say they were trying to protect you.
It is a gross level of deception and I would expect better.
Sending you so much support OP

@Emily877

"They have both tried contacting me and I’ve had a long message saying how I’m being stubborn and need to look at this more logically." Agree with this wholeheartedly.

Don't you think they were actually trying to protect you and your family?

Unsurprising that you're furious with your husband though.

If he's doing that to your own sister, who else is he doing it with?

Have you kicked him out and ended the relationship for good?

If not then perhaps that’s why they didn’t tell you.

What’s the point in telling you when you aren’t planning on doing anything about it.

Oh OP I’m so sorry this is all happening.
Sorry if I missed this, but do you have kids?
If not (and even if so) - though it is sad and a lot of upheaval, I would strongly recommend leaving this relationship. His behaviour is unacceptable. He has shown an extreme lack of respect to you.
As for your family, well I guess they did what they thought was right. They weren’t trying to hurt you, they were trying to protect you. So I’d be mad at them, but not too mad.
Good luck OP - you deserve so much better than this guy x

Well you seem more annoyed at them than at your husband attempting to cheat. If they figured you are just going to stay with him anyway and it’s just going to make everything more difficult for everyone, including you, then I can see why they wouldn’t tell you.
I would be raging not to be told though, but they know you.

Don't be ridiculous. Her sleazy husband made a pass at her own sister for god's sake and has made various comments to her over the past two years.

It's OP's decision to either stay with him or leave him, but it's certainly not the case that because is was two years ago, it wasn't a huge betrayal and that he isn't a sleazy twat to hit on his wife's sister. I also would have a problem staying with someone so utterly stupid. What on earth did he think would happen?

It’s not a silly and drunken mistake he’ll never repeat though, is it? It’s a very serious line to cross - disgusting, in fact - and it’s also one he’s repeatedly and consistently attempted to cross. He literally mentioned thinking of having sex with her, it’s not even a misinterpreted wink. There’s no possible excuse on earth for his behaviour towards your sister. Your mum and sister should’ve told you immediately.

What’s extraordinary is that he’s done it without a come-on from her. I believe her btw - I’ve had a few men do similar to me without any signal at all and it’s astonishing how confident they are that they’ll be reciprocated. It shows he thinks with his dick and has zero morals. You simply can’t trust him ever again with any woman at all, as he’s willing to cross the one line that most rational people view as too far. I’m baffled your family would pretend it hadn’t happened so you could continue staying oblivious.

He's a confident one isn't he? Trying it on with someone so close to you, knowing it'd put them in a crap position

Fuck them all.

Been there, done it.

Mine was actually shagging around and got some family friend pregnant. They all knew, everyone knew. Except me. Genuinely my sisters deceit hurt more than anything my ex ever did.

I would be so angry at them but know I'd get over it down the line as it was well intentioned but I couldn't get over what my husband did. I really feel for you, you must feel it's hard to trust any of them any more

Same happened in my family and iv not said a word its not worth it, its happened its over im not willing to break up my loved ones family over it. Nothing good would come out of knowing. However your situation does sound a bit different as its not just a one of

OMG 😢. He needs flushing down the toilet.
Repeatedly? These are not 'drunken mistakes'. The man is morally bankrupt and just utterly repulsive 🤢.

He sounds disgusting. I’d never be able to forgive and move on from that.

I do think your sister and mum were in an awkward position. I’d be upset that they didn’t tell you sooner, but you can move on from that.

Your husband is creep and there is no moving on from that.

Ewwww, sorry OP I would lose the husband and keep your mum and sister

Ewwwww- what is with these sleazy men. As if straying isn't bad enough, he had to shit where he eats 😒.

I don't think you're being stubborn at all. I can slightly understand your mom and sister not telling you, as the messenger often gets shot. Now you know, you're likely deliberating staying with your husband, which will make all relationships awkward- exactly what they were trying to avoid.

Everyone needs to back off and give you time though, as it is a lot to process.