Could you be with someone with alcohol problems?

I would like to say, no I wouldn't. However, my boyfriend of 2 years died earlier this year due to his alcoholism, and I didn't know about his drinking problem. I'm sure he didn't tell me because I thought I'd leave him. I probably would but who knows, I adored the man. (He was always lovely to me, no meanness or angry outbursts.)

I was with an alcoholic, living together but not married. I would never, ever repeat the experience. It never ends well. Better to be alone than be in bad company.

So sorry for your loss. You must have so many complex feelings about it xxx

No definitely not. There’s plenty of men about pick one that’s not a drunk.

No. I don't think I'd sacrifice my life that way. I'd support someone through rehabilitation and lifestyle changes to make it possible for them to continue to live without alcohol, but if they weren't willing to quit drinking or said they would but didn't follow through with action, I'd be out.

It was the most painful experience of my life and it was extremely extremely hard to extricate myself from. I didn’t want to give up on him, and he went in and out of rehab over the years, but there was always a relapse and it killed me every time. In active addiction, his behaviour was self pitying, selfish, constant blaming me and others for causing the relapses. The misery and the chaos was hideous. It was a half life.

I am completely T total. I do not like the taste of alcohol. I can categorically say I would not be with a loser like that. Alcohol will always be the most important thing in their life. There is nothing remotely attractive about a drunk person or alcoholic. Be it man or woman.

I bet the majority of the posters saying they would leave would not.

I did, for a while it was horrible and 20 years later I still regret the time and emotional energy I completely wasted and I am forever grateful I walked away

Well done, you should be proud of yourself! Good luck to you in your future x

No way. We all have stressful lives but hitting the bottle doesn't reduce any of it. Trying to conceal his level of alcohol consumption is a very, very bad sign. Anger outbursts are another and be warned these will almost certainly escalate over time and you may then be in potential danger.

This guy needs medical intervention, which he may or may not be willing to cooperate with. He could be in denial in which case the future looks bleak.

I lost a very good male friend to alcoholism. He was warned repeatedly by his GP to quit the booze. He had a couple of brief dry spells but then returned to it and it cost him his life. Alcoholism is a horrible disease but the person has to really want to commit to becoming sober. Nothing you say or do is going to change that.

He'd be aout. Married or not. I've been in that situation. Partner was drinking rum laced coffee at 7.30 on a sunday morning, and god knows when else. I'm just glad he didnt have a car at the time.

Get rid before you saddle yourself with a selfish prick

OP - is this your partner/spouse, or is this you?

There is something in the way that this is written that makes me wonder if you are talking about yourself?

Not a chance. I grew up with alcoholic parents. I will not subject myself or my child to that hell.

if my spouse developed a problem and there was no violence or verbal abuse, he would get one chance to fix it while staying in the home. If he didn’t take that opportunity, he can live elsewhere while he works on himself. We can reconsider the relationship once he is sober and understands why he was drinking.

If there was violence or abuse, there are no second chances. I’m not putting my daughter through what I went through.

Nope. I grew up in that house and I wouldn’t ever live in it again.

If I'd been married to them a long time and this was a recent development as a result of a stressful event and if they were committed to seek help, yes. Otherwise, hell no, I'd run a mile. And I would not knowingly get involved in a new relationship with a drug or alcohol addict or ex-addict.

No, I wouldn’t tolerate it and would leave them

No, no way, never again. The misery and havoc that was deliberately caused in order to get their own way, the abuse, the sheer imbecility of behaviours and the coercion (both when using and during the rare occasions of sobriety because it was still all about making them come first over and above everything and every else) was enough to say Fuck That and fuck the poor victim mentality/blackmail.

It would depend on whether this was a new relationship or a long term one, and if the latter, have they always been like this (in which case you can't expect them to change quickly) or has it got worse over time (in which case it would have been better to tackle it sooner).

"Angry outbursts" would be a bigger red flag than the drinking for me. If I couldn't trust them not to be violent or even verbally abusive, that would be the end of the relationship.

The "disguising" of their drinking is a bigger concern than if they were open about it. It depends on who they were attempting to hide it from I suppose, drinking out of a coffee mug to not appear to be drinking in the background while their partner is on a Teams call or whatever is different to be attempting to hide it from their partner.

Most important would be their attitude to their problem. If they're in denial it's harder to justify staying in the relationship than if they admit they have a problem but sometimes relapse.

I was bought up with an alcoholic and abusive Father and Brother. It ruined my childhood and there is no way l would ever have a relationship with an Alcoholic again .

Could you be with a partner/spouse who is like this?
No

My H of 30 years is an alcoholic, hides empties, is currently spoiling our holiday with his drinking. Refuses to accept he has a problem, it's my fault, he drinks because I'm controlling and unloving. Then the next minute I'm his best friend. Trying to get the courage to divorce. If I had known how things would pan out I would not have married him.

I wouldn't get into a relationship with someone who already had these behaviors. If my spouse, who I had promised to care for in sickness and in health, became this way later in our marriage I would support him as much as possible in his recovery, but if he refused to address the problem then I would leave.

I was married to a functioning alcoholic. He always liked a drink, but it got more and more. He'd walk in from work and shout 'hello' on route to the fridge to pour a vodka and coke. I once tried it and it burnt my lips it was so strong.

He would fall into a drunken mess, snoring and dribbling in his armchair at 10pm every night. He would only go out with me if it involved the pub.

I got so I couldn't compete with the vodka, so I left him

I was in a relationship with someone like this, minus the angry outbursts. He was "high functioning" but it was still enough for me to end things. It wasn't a lifestyle I wanted to live or try to keep up with.