AIBU to not let DD have a sleepover with the girl she is going out with?

I’ve been in this position with my daughter (who is now 20) and I allowed it but with some clear boundaries discussions. At the end of the day things will happen whether they are sleeping over if they want it to.

I am not sure what I would do in your position. I normally think better they do anything under your roof, provided consent and proper sex ed/ precautions. However that is really for older children, they are very young.

As they are so young though, and she is adamant the relationship isn't sexual, I might take this at face value. Say fine, you can have a sleep over, have fun watching a film or chatting, and the next day have a nice brunch together, but it is separate rooms and that should be fine as you say there is no sex ect. I think this is what I would say regardless of gender of a romantic boyfriend/girlfriend of my DS if he asked at this age (he is much younger at the moment though so I don't really have a clue and there is a chance I might just trust them in a room together depending on how they were ect). Also, as long as the other child is out to her parents, I would check in with then what they think too.

I don't think 11 is that young to have a boyfriend/ girlfriend. Some of my friends had one in year 7 (so aged 11/12) in the 1990s, but all very innocent for the most part.

Reads like homophobic waffle to me.

My daughter at a similar age was saying she was a lesbian and had a girlfriend, however now at a,most 17 cringes at this earlier impression of herself. I realised after a short while that she had these ideas on the back of ill judged lessons from school where sexual orientation and gender identity are pushed from late KS2.

11?

Is this a joke?
Far too young for girlfriend sleepovers.

This is the power of Mumsnet isn't it? Gives parents an opportunity to think through difficult issues. Yes there are a few sneering posters with their "can't believe you're bothered about this" but generally women and mothers are thoughtful and supportive in working out these issues.

Interesting..
This thread has made me rethink if I would allow a sleep over,

Maybe I am too trusting! I never had any romantic partners in school so its all new to me.

I did lots of snogging with bf at just turned 12 at secondary school. Lots had boyfriends. This was at school -we went home at 4 so not much chance to take it further.

Maybe because she can’t get pregnant with girl on girl relationship?

I have to say 11 is v v v young to be so clear about her sexuality and have a girlfriend, Im bisexual myself but I would have no clue how to deal with this as a parent !! but I’d be inclined to keep communication open and keep welcoming this child .., christ on a bike this is next level conundrums Good luck op !

It’s not a friendship sleepover, it’s a girlfriend and girlfriend sleepover!

You're right - it isn't easy. These are young children and they need safeguarding - not just from predatory adults but from themselves in the sense of not leaving them in positions where they're unable (too young) to make self protecting decisions. Failing to intervene leaves them to be influenced by someone more powerful - not just physically, but intellectually or charismatically.
A poster who says they're a teacher confidently asserted that this wasn't a safeguarding issue. At face value it appears that way. Sadly my long experience in safeguarding tells me that there are some adults who use children in this way for their own gratification - encouraging sexual acts between children below the age of consent for their own gratification, recording the acts as well.

The OP is evidently a sensible parent who will safeguard - but they're not helped by all those who is threaten that if they put a boundary in place their child won't trust them in the future.

Children will know a lot younger than 11 if they are gay or straight. My gay male friend told me that he knew in his own understanding of these things that he liked boys when he was 6.

I'm not saying they are being as blatant as telling girls they are lesbians, what I'm saying is that schools really promote LGBTQIA++ through workshops, lessons boks etc, and it puts ideas on children's heads before they have even gone through puberty. It's not even a straight/gay issue, it's sexualizing of children before they are even sexual. We've gone mad. And yes I would be concerned if a primary school aged child said she seriously had a boyfriend.

Really difficult to say and these were with boys of a very close age. I was very open with my parents and told them everything whereas these kids were very very secretive and had no conversation with their parents. I think you have to be aware these things happen regardless of age but you also have to maintain open dialogue and trust your kids. It's not easy.

Lost their virginity - or were raped? Children of such a young age can't consent to sexual activity.

There's some very worrying comments on this thread, presumably from adults but hopefully not parents who seem to be oblivious to the age of this child and the need to safeguard children from complicated situations.

Fortunately the OP's got a sensible approach that safeguards both these girls and most comments seem to support putting boundaries in place for such young children.

Maybe …. Or maybe she will be the child at 16 sneaking out to meet friends/ GFs or BFs scared to confide or share, a little bit angry and doing her stuff in secret …

who knows??

I had friends who lost their virginity at 11 and 12. Blows my mind now but didn't seem that bizarre 40 years ago! It happens.

My DD had lots of sleep overs at this age sometimes quite a few girls at a time.

Am not sure what you think will happen? She’s 11 and still at primary. You can go in and out of her room throughout the evening or they can camp downstairs watch movies. The one rule I had until end year 7 was phones had to be charged and docked downstairs as this was my DDs phone rule.

Personally I think it’s best to be in a relationship with your DD where she tells you her feelings and doesn’t cover up and then you can manage and advise a bit better through teen years @weebarra

I really wouldn’t make too much of it.

Eh? I have read the thread. What has that got to do with my response to @Gmary22's comment?

Well this would be one hell of an overreaction. She's "dating" an eleven year old girl, not a thirty year old man. It's really not a safeguarding matter, by the way.

Something tells me you haven't read the thread....

The girl is her friend and they have been indoctrinated by school and the media to think that they must be lesbians if they really like each other.

I don't know what was going on at your school, but I can confirm that most schools are not telling ALL girls with female friends that they are lesbians, any more than they are telling girls with male friends that they are heterosexual.

Also, I knew I was a lesbian at 9. Not because I had sexual feelings, but because I had a crush, which is perfectly normal at 9 years old. Something tells me you wouldn't be up in arms about a 9 year old girl saying they were straight or had a crush on a boy...

I’m actually shocked that your initial issue isn’t that shes 11 and in a relationship. She will be the child at 16 out of control getting involved with all the wrong stuff. Why are you allowing this. She’s 11 and should be a child, not so fast forward.

Well surely this will mean that the next girlfriend she has she will not tell you theybare going out. I think stopping it will lead to secrecy.
Can you have some rules, like door open and not sharing a bed, or camp in the living room.

😂What an extraordinary statement! Speaking as a Year 6 teacher, I can promise you that my days are spent spoon-feeding children the rules of Maths and punctuation, not of dating each other.