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Original poster

Our new Neighbours and my loud children

485 replies

Marley11 · 15/05/2025 17:53

Hi
I wasn’t sure where to start this thread as it covers two areas but il try here first.

We have recently moved into our dream family home ‘ which is a huge project. We chose it due to the size of the garden for our children , and the large summer house at the bottom.

We have two young boys. Who are lovely, kind boys, but v loud characters. ( 2 & 6 ) one has asd & add. The other just has the loudest & deepest voice 😂. trust me I try to tell them to speak quieter I think it’s impossible . ( They are both in bed by 7 ish pm and both asleep till 7 )

They are just being kids in my opinion . And obviously the odd 3 daily meltdowns from my two year old as I buttered his toast wrong.

But Today she put her radio on at 4.30 am. Blaring through our 2 years old wall. woke us all. The reason in her words “ Was to show me how thin those walls are, As my kids scream and shout in the garden so much making us terrible neighbors “

she has never had children and isn’t keen on them .

my issue is , little does she know I am in the process of setting up as a childminder. But I am now doubting if this is the right choice ….. because of our neighbour !

my question is , would you pre - warn her ? Is there anything she could do to deter me / stop me in setting this business up ? Or would you just set up and not mention it or is this unreasonable to do ? Do I Have to tell her ?

Thank you

OP posts:
Anxioustealady · 15/05/2025 21:45

Marley11 · 15/05/2025 20:36

@WomenInSTEM of course I know this. I have many best friends and family memebers who have chosen to not have children . Who still spend time with children .

she does not spend time with anyone but her husband and does not enjoy children around she told me. No one visits their home.

You keep saying things like this - "she has no visitors", "she's childless", "she never leaves the house"

You can say you're just trying to add context but it's quite mean, like you're trying to paint her as horrible and anti social so you seem reasonable, but you say yourself the children are loud and scream.

I would try be a good neighbour, take them to the park most days after school so they can get their energy out there, try not to escalate this any more if her playing music was a one off.

Original poster
Marley11 · 15/05/2025 21:43

@TheHerboriste have a read again . Again making up things I’m saying

OP posts:
TheHerboriste · 15/05/2025 21:42

"So I felt like it wouldn’t be much different to my own kids having friends over which is why I considered not telling her ."

Do you seriously think a childminding business where the parents drop off multiple kids before work and pick them up on their way home from work, a full day, up to five days a week, is no different to your own children having friends over? Are you serious??

That is extremely lacking in situational awareness and empathy for those around you.

Original poster
Marley11 · 15/05/2025 21:40

@Youstolemygoddamnhouse ok. Well independent adults tells me you work with older kids or young adults .

mine are 2 and 6 ! So they are still learning and will get there

OP posts:
Original poster
Marley11 · 15/05/2025 21:39

@Justwatched thank you for this . And nice to hear it from someone whose dad / mum is similar . I totally agree it’s an age thing . Well as I don’t hear things like this from people around my age ( not saying it doesn’t happen )

I did say to her where is the noise coming from , I said I move my kids to the bedroom that isn’t on her wall.
i told her I am aware I shout at them to be quiet which doesn’t help . I owned our flaws. And she did soften . But I think anything we do wrong again she will be back to these tricks .

But I will take your advise and ask her what time is the noise bothering you.

But i know it’s when my son is home from school . It’s then playing together the noises and shouting to one another .
in the day when im alone with my little boy i don’t think she could complain of that as he’s pretty relaxed apart from meltdowns that toddlers have .

but thanks i will ask her anyway

OP posts:
Youstolemygoddamnhouse · 15/05/2025 21:36

Marley11 · 15/05/2025 21:25

@Youstolemygoddamnhouse have you ever met children with additional needs ? Asd ? ADHD ? It’s not an easy as you think.

im not sure at what point i ever used the word screaming ! I thought I used loud voices and 2 year old tantrums.

Yes. Have met and work with many additional needs children and adults. And I completely agree it can be extremely difficult. But it’s how you manage it. We support them but also teach them how to manage their behaviour and prepare them to be independent adults. So yes, I know it’s not easy.

Tbrh · 15/05/2025 21:33

Rosesanddaffs · 15/05/2025 21:31

@Marley11 your kids are just being kids, I don’t see what you can do, you can’t exactly sew their mouths up, kids will make noise.

Your neighbour blaring the radio that early is so petty xx

They must've felt quite desperate to be driven to do that

Justwatched · 15/05/2025 21:32

Marley11 · 15/05/2025 20:54

@WorryBear true

I believe I am right that her behaviour was childish. And I am right about how hard I try with my children and to be a respectful neighbour .

but I also do understand living somewhere quiet then a family with two young boys move in is going to upset her .

I also think I could make her life hell too if I was petty . Anyone could . I want to find away we can live amicable when we both live very different lives .

I think you need to be careful here. You don’t know who you’re messing with, you can only control your actions. She might not have any limits on how far she would go, but you’ve got kids and a lot more to lose,

I know that sounds ridiculous but she’s clearly very angry and it already playing dirty without even telling you she was finding it too much. And honestly, I get her anger, screaming kids, especially if she thinks you just allow it, it can really ruin your enjoyment of life.

My warning is really based off my own experiences with my dad . He’s old now and he’s bonkers. He loves getting in to little wars with his neighbours, it gives him a will to live. The stuff he plans - criminal stuff, like posting maggots through their door after they go on holiday, leaving his music blasting and going out for the day, leaving nails in the road near their drive, it makes me sick with anxiety that he will actually do it and I can’t control him so I have to tell him I don’t want to hear about it.

He’s getting worse in his old age but he’s always had a screw loose and I’ve always lived my life hyper aware that one day you could be messing with someone like my dad who doesn’t know where the line is.

Do your best to get back on her good side. Ask her if there’s any times that are better than others for them to be out in the garden. Once you start your business there’s a chance she could really step up a hate campaign. So tread carefully

Rosesanddaffs · 15/05/2025 21:31

@Marley11 your kids are just being kids, I don’t see what you can do, you can’t exactly sew their mouths up, kids will make noise.

Your neighbour blaring the radio that early is so petty xx

Manxexile · 15/05/2025 21:29

Wouldn't setting up a child minding business in a residential property require planning permission or something?

Original poster
Marley11 · 15/05/2025 21:27

@Riaanna yes true and I expect she will .

i will be shocked if the council said I couldn’t go ahead due to children making noise in the garden : as the government are putting out courses for people to become childminders due to the lack of child care in the area for working mums .

but stranger things have happened

OP posts:
Matronic6 · 15/05/2025 21:26

Riaanna · 15/05/2025 21:22

You are but if the noise prevents her from peaceful enjoyment of home she can complain and I suspect will.

Show quote history

She can complain but she literally won't get anywhere. The council will tell her children making noise during the day is reasonable. Blasting your radio at 4:30am is considered unreasonable.

Original poster
Marley11 · 15/05/2025 21:25

@Youstolemygoddamnhouse have you ever met children with additional needs ? Asd ? ADHD ? It’s not an easy as you think.

im not sure at what point i ever used the word screaming ! I thought I used loud voices and 2 year old tantrums.

OP posts:
Youstolemygoddamnhouse · 15/05/2025 21:24

SallyDraperGetInHere · 15/05/2025 21:13

Are you seriously demonising two small children for playing a bit noisily in their own garden? Does the neighbour have some bizarre veto right over how this family has normal leisure time in their own garden?

Show quote history

Not demonising them at all. Both parties have the right to enjoy the pleasure of their homes. But why does the parent with the screaming children have some bizarre veto right to not understand their children are causing disruption. Why should the neighbour just put up with it? Why can’t op teach her children to act accordingly instead clutching pearls that her neighbour is upset at the noise

CleverButScatty · 15/05/2025 21:22

Are they 'screaming' though? Or just playing, calling out to each other, giggling.

If they are screaming that isn't ok but is she just using that word to be critical?

Riaanna · 15/05/2025 21:22

Marley11 · 15/05/2025 18:28

Oh and the previous neighbours who lived here. Told me, this same neighbour didn’t talk to their mum for ten years due to her kids being ‘ too loud ‘ so this isn’t the first time she has done this.

again just some background that my children are not behaving like zoo animals but that she doesn’t enjoy any noise in the garden from young Children .

I am entitled to set up a business here which will all be across the board and Ofsted approved. It was more morally if I should tell her after her reaction to my own children

thanks again for answers

Edited

You are but if the noise prevents her from peaceful enjoyment of home she can complain and I suspect will.

Bravemama · 15/05/2025 21:20

It's not on that your neighbour put her radio on at 4.30am to "teach you all a lesson". She's not helping the situation.

Original poster
Marley11 · 15/05/2025 21:20

@Thanksforyourlackofthought sorry your going through that .

i have 2 small children . Who I think if you met you would think are lovely sweet boys . Everyone does who meets them.

I would not allow my children to break anyone’s fence and if they did by accident they would pay that person and write a sorry card .

sounds like it’s chaos where you are but it really isn’t in my situation . My children are loud if you read above my son has additional needs. Meaning he can become over excited and needs that extra support with calming down etc.

I don’t intend to make anyone’s life hell. I’m just trying to build a business that would work around my family .

OP posts:
Tbrh · 15/05/2025 21:19

TizerorFizz · 15/05/2025 17:59

Your neighbour probably is ok with dc. Just not noisy ones like yours. I agree with her. They sound ott. I would be getting cross too. And yes, I do have dc. You can do what job you want as pp says but I’d be selling up if I lived Nextdoor.

This. I have DC but I'd hate to live next-door to you. "They're just kids" 🤨 you say yourself they're loud. Have spme empathy, this is their home that they were happy in before you moved in. I had neighbours like you and it made our lives miserable living next door, we felt instant relief when they moved and didn't realise just what a negative impact it had.

Original poster
Marley11 · 15/05/2025 21:17

Thank you guys the votes are in and it’s 50 50 of me being unreasonable .

so I will take the advise and let her know my plans and see if we can make peace not war

thank you for judging my parenting and my brat children lovely talking to you 😂

OP posts:
Original poster
Marley11 · 15/05/2025 21:16

@Youstolemygoddamnhouse hahah 400 kids !!! Now I would be crazy !

I was explaining to a previous comment that no kids visit , as someone said they have no children but still see children . She doesn’t .

but
ok 👌 don’t let it ruin your evening x

OP posts:
Thanksforyourlackofthought · 15/05/2025 21:14

I’ve lived in my house for 25 years. Plenty of land, raised my dc here, rural. 18 months ago we got new neighbours with 4 kids and 3 dogs.
I WFH and can’t use my office because of the noise from the kids if they are in and the howling from the dogs if they are out.
I can’t sit in my garden.
I can’t remember the last time I had a relaxing soak in the bath.
The kids broke the fence on day 3 by deliberately kicking a ball at it.
I can’t have my windows open.
Some days I feel complete despair.
25 years and now we have to move.
You've made your neighbour miserable and now you want to add extra misery to her life?

Original poster
Marley11 · 15/05/2025 21:13

@CaptainFuture dont be concerned captain you just read it wrong

OP posts:
Youstolemygoddamnhouse · 15/05/2025 21:13

Marley11 · 15/05/2025 20:49

@Youstolemygoddamnhouse you asked me . I explained : you take things the wrong way on these posts .

I couldn’t care less how she lives her life . I do not judge others on their life choices. Hats off to her for choosing a peaceful life . Clever women.

so again you have judged me from misinterpreting my comment.

I was explaining that she doesn’t spend time with children nor do children visit . And she told me she doesn’t like children. Therefore I think it’s safe to say she’s is not used to children’s noise

I’m starting to think you are my next door neighbour logged onto mumsnet

Edited

I don’t take things the wrong way at all and certainly have not misinterpreted you. So don’t try and gaslight me. We can all see what you have wrote and your contempt for your neighbour is very clear. You’re bringing irrelevant information to try and support your case. You said she only spends times with her husband. No one visits her. Why do you care? Why is that important? Even if children don’t visit her I think it’s safe to say she’s probably been around children at some point in her life and knows fine well how noisy they can be.

If I was your neighbour my title of the thread would be: New neighbour is making my life hell due to her screaming, unruly children. On top of this she’s building a new home and wanting to become a childminder to 400 just as noisy kids.

SallyDraperGetInHere · 15/05/2025 21:13

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Are you seriously demonising two small children for playing a bit noisily in their own garden? Does the neighbour have some bizarre veto right over how this family has normal leisure time in their own garden?

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