Our new Neighbours and my loud children

The screaming is absolutely an issue. I am all
for kids being kids and making normal kid noise in the garden. It's part of what gardens are for.

However screaming and shrieking crosses a line for me and we were very strict on it from the time my kids were about 18 months. Screaming or shrieking in the garden = one warning, then brought inside.

It isn't easy to teach moderation but tbh important if you're living close to others as we are. My younger kid has a natural volume of 11 and being a younger sibling is also naturally more desperate to be heard. But it's doable.

TBH the shrieking/screaming thing in the garden/anywhere was the easiest - the kids learned pretty quickly and have never been among the kids making the playground unbearable with all the performative shrieks and screams. If I fail at all else as a parent at last I've done this.

The neighbour's radio antics are stupid and keep a record of them as even though your noise is undoubtedly annoying to her it's all happening at usual times, hers is malicious and at unsociable hours and so from a council POV more likely to be taken seriously if repeated.

My advice is to try and get on with her. If you register as a CM she could make life very difficult for you. Think malicious complaints to Ofsted, Council complaints (once they get involved it can cost hundreds/thousands in planning permission costs and they can limit the number of children you can care for making it a financially unviable business)
Good luck!

This is why I took MN advice and went to live in a field.

If she's blasting music through the walls at 430am do you really think she is going to make it easy for you to be a childminder at home?

I bet she will make a point of making it very unpleasant at drop off and pick-up and you will quickly lose any clients you get as a result.

Your best bet is to rein your kids in a bit and try to repair your relationship.

Same here! I had three pre school children at one stage and they played outside most days, even in the rain sometimes. We were good friends with the boys next door so often there were 6 children playing together in one garden - we even took down a fence panel and replaced it with a gate to make access easier.

But this did not mean that any of them were allowed to shout or scream excessively, yes, they chattered away and sometimes raised their voices but either me or the neighbouring mum would remind them to calm down and stop the loud noise. All the children knew that if they carried on, one or all of them would be taken indoors for some quiet time. When they were young, there tended to be an adult hovering nearby, either in the garden or at least watching from the kitchen, to supervise the play and keep things amicable. They were not allowed to scream, unless injured I guess, even my neighbours youngest who had Downs Syndrome and did get over excited.

Living on an estate of young families, I was always conscious of how sounds travel across the gardens and tried to teach my children to respect others while still enjoying playing outside. The only times it got rather wild was when the dads joined in with a water fight between the two gardens using powerful hosepipes!

I know I would have been annoyed if one of my neighbours allowed her children to scream and shout in the garden for long periods of time, it’s really not acceptable in a built up area and you need to try to come up with ways to moderate the noise - being outside with them to supervise, taking them inside to quieten down, using distraction techniques to defuse rough play or screaming, overtime treats to reward them for playing nicely ( picnic food in the garden) or taking them to a local playground.

I don’t agree however with your neighbour waking you all up like she did but can understand her frustration. Now you know how sounds carry between your houses and how annoying she finds your children at times.

Stopping your kids from screaming in the garden is not "clipping their wings". Do you also never say no and allow them to draw on walls?

Also make my kids come in if they won’t stop shouting or being loud. No one else needs to hear them squawking. They soon learn.

I would install soundproofing while you renovate. We have this and have never heard a peep from our neighbours who have a newborn

The other day my youngest screamed a couple of times outside. I said if they kept screaming we’d have to go in. They screamed again, we went in.

Sorry OP, but it sounds like YABU.

You may not have to tell her you are going to start a childminder business. However if you are attached I don't think it's going to go well.
My children are grown now but if ever they got a bit loud, well in they came.

Did she message you that the music at 4am was to teach you something?

if she did, keep the message. It will be helpful if she intentionally tries to intimidate it harass you.

A childminder living in a “huge project” of a house, who allows her children to scream and make that much noise that it has pissed the neighbour off to the point of blasting a radio through the walls at 4.30am to give you a taste of your own medicine.

Yeah, you haven’t thought this move, or your business through really, have you?

I hope you’ve got plenty of parking space, and are planning full soundproofing during your “huge project”.

Your getting a very peculiar response here imo.

Your kids sound perfectly ordinary & no reason at all why they should be tip-toeing around the garden which is YOUR garden. They aren't out there late at night or likely first thing.

She sounds like an arse & blaring a radio through the wall in the middle of the night is a pathetic & unnecessary response to ordinary family noise. It's also not normal to ignore someone for TEN YEARS just cos they have kids. If she loathes them that much she should be in a detached, not a semi.

I've no suggestions as to the business, you can let her know but you know full well how she's going to react.

So child minders have to have detached houses…. Don’t be ridiculous!

It seems relevant to me

It’s nothing to do with her whether you run a business or not - but you still need to make sure you don’t let the children scream and run riot all day.

Yes this is exactly the subtext of the Op's posts.

I’d hate to have you as neighbours, you don’t seem to grasp how awful excess noise is . People deserve peace at home .

Living next door to ‘loud character’ kids whose parents think they are just being kids, is my ideal of actual hell.

🙄 talk about change the narrative. You specifically called out in the OP that your kids are particularly loud, and that one has three meltdowns a day.

The fact is you don’t think it’s “normal” in your OP you accepted and made a point your kids are unusually loud. Posters are merely responding to the fact that that is on you.

”but v loud characters. ( 2 & 6 ) one has asd & add. The other just has the loudest & deepest voice 😂. trust me I try to tell them to speak quieter I think it’s impossible .”