Our new Neighbours and my loud children

Because some people are competent at managing children without allowing them to make everyone else's lives miserable.

You should speak to her.
It’s best to try and keep the peace with your neighbours.

Apologise for the noise and do your very best to manage it.

maybe the suggestions others have made of soundproofing is worth looking into…. especially if you plan on childminding to. It’s better to be civil then have a frosty relationship with your neighbour :)

🤣🤣 you've just added arms and legs on to this

I'm sure it makes her very sad to have the quiet enjoyment of her home ruined.

Kids don't have "naturally loud voices." You are tolerating and normalizing that. As others have posted, they can be trained to modulate and to speak quietly and softly.

Where this freaking notion arose in the last 20 years that kids can't play without screaming and screeching is beyond me. Every generation before that was told "if you are screaming there had better be a very good reason!" and disciplined.

You need to put a stop to the screaming and shrieking of your own children in the garden. Warning and then inside to calm down if it continues until they get the message. If you are going to child mind then you do need to keep on top of the noise.

In terms of the childminding, whilst there might not be a lot the neighbour can do, if you need planning she could object. If things are noisy then expect complaints to council/ ofsted. There is more to childminding than just shoving kids out into the garden. She could make pick ups and drop offs hard work. If there isn't great parking or parents are parking selfishly (blocking drives/ up on footpaths/ double parking)) then she could photograph and make complaints.

Also as a parent, I'm not sure I would want my child minded in a "project house" - are you planning building work/ internal reshuffle/ redecorating/ new kitchen ect. If so I wouldn't be happy about lots of workmen/ people coming and going in a childminding setting. They are not always the best at not leaving tools lying around.

Also think of your Asd child, will they be ok with other children in their home? For some children home is their safe space to unwind and regulate from the day. Will they be able to do this with other minded children in their home? Especially as many child minded children are with the child minder from 7.30-8am until 5 or even 6pm depending on hours offered.

We used to take our son to a childminder who had fallen out with the neighbours (over parking issues, not noise) and it definitely will impact upon the business and the clients.

When we moved into our house we had two small children who would play in the garden but they never screamed or shouted and if they were loud I would shush them and tell them to consider the neighbours. Fast forward 10 years and a new family moved in next door with two kids who would apparently try to murder each other every day in the garden, the screams were blood curdling and protracted. I grinned and bared it, knowing that eventually they would get to an age when all they wanted to do was stare at their phones doomscrolling in their spare time. Sadly at that point their parents decided to buy them the loudest barkiest dog they could find. Now I have to console myself with the fact that dogs don’t live forever….

I'm sure my neighbours think they are nice people but actually having listened to their f . . . . . g dog barking again since 5 pm I'm sick of it. You sound entitled and totally oblivious to the stress your noise is causing.

You knew your children were loud and had meltdowns, you knew you wanted to start a childminding business, and yet you went ahead and bought a house with shared walls. What a totally dick move.

I suppose the "large garden" is so that your wards can run around and shriek and make even more noise?

Does the six-year-old scream and shout at school or nursery? If not then he CAN be quiet.

I’m going against the grain here,OP let your kids enjoy the garden some people are just born moaners

If you feel the need to say what loud voices they have then you know they aren't making normal levels of noise. Some kids are loud, I know because my youngest is, but I tell him to be quieter, I bring him inside, I don't expect others to just suck it up.

Obviously your neighbour shouldn't have blasted music at you but you are very "I'm right you're wrong" on here so I can imagine that if she had spoken to you it wouldn't have made any difference. She's obviously very frustrated with you and it's in your interests to make relations better.

I think you probably have a high tolerance for noise, and don't realise just how noisy your family is. We have a family like that over the back and they are a bloody nightmare in the summer. I keep hoping they will move away.

Also, your kids are just being kids. Her actions were malicious. She would permanently be saying goodbye to any chance of a weekend lie in if she did that to me.

This is nuts. How on earth do you think there are any childminders in cities?

Teaching your children not to screech and squawk all day long (especially outdoors) is not clipping their wings, op, get a grip 🙄

Working on the assumption that "screaming" is her word, not yours, 100% YANBU.

They are young. They are allowed to enjoy their own garden. If you can't play noisily outside, in your own garden, during the day then when can you? She sounds like an unreasonable and ridiculous witch

I'm really surprised by the responses on the first page 😄, I was expecting everyone to be firmly in the 'yanbu' camp and offer sympathy

Children make noise! And ASD children make lots of noise 😄

The week my autistic DD discovered the ability to scream was one of the hardest of my life! Thankfully she only screams on occasion now

Seriously though, ignore her, she sounds mad. Especially blasting the radio at 4.30am.

I think you've been unlucky to get her as a neighbour tbh. Just ensure that you're good with the other neighbours, theyve probably had their own run ins with her. And run your childminding business! Children are an occupational hazard of this thing called ✨living✨

Yanbu at all x

Edit - if they're making excessive noise in unsociable hours, I'd bring them in (which you already do), but after like 8am, kid noise is normal. Maybe explain your son's asd to the other neighbours as well.

When my kids ever started screaming and shouting in the garden I’d scoop them up and bring them inside. Yours will soon learn that excess noise is unacceptable, if you show them there are consequences,

I don’t want to clip my children’s wings due to her, or stop my dreams of setting up a business
But of course I want to respect her and her home also.

I'm not sure you can do both op. It is pretty obvious that she is not going to be on board with you setting up as a childminder, so your choice is to deliberately annoy your neighbour, and live with any reaction, or don't set up as a childminder. You can't do both.

She's unfortunate to find herself living next door to noisy children, that's just bad luck, but a childminder will be too much for her, I'm sure. Can she object? The polite thing to do is tell her, I think.

I feel sorry for your neighbour.

You're really underestimating how difficult a neighbour can make life for you (and diminishing her experience of your loud DC)

Prepare for war.

Will someone be watching your asd child whilst you are childminding? Because if your planning to child mind whilst watching that child you will not be able to fully devote to the other children especially if your child has meltdowns.

Ignore her, she sounds really unpleasant. Carry on and enjoy your new house and business.