Our new Neighbours and my loud children

At 4.30am.

pretty sure that’s out of the guidelines wherever you are…

How noisy can a 2 and a 6 year old be? Are they given megaphones? How enclosed and small are the gardens that the neighbour can’t escape the noise?

I can’t understand the responses you’ve got because I cannot comprehend how 2 children playing in the garden could ever be intrusive.

Took us months to get DS to stop having multiple meltdowns a day, it was horrendous.

I did speak to our neighbours and apologised for if it was disturbing them - they were very kind and understanding.

It's really not as simple as 'it's your job to have mechanisms in place', finding what works/getting help is really difficult, and really nobody seemed to take it seriously enough until after I had to go to A&E after one meltdown and a passerby called the police after hearing DS screaming during another. We've still had next to no support - we were just lucky that DS was referred to a scheme, he engaged with it and it helped him learn to regulate. But any useful practical help for us as parents has been non-existent and unfortunately triggers can't always be avoided.

What is the silver bullet you seem to know of?

This

We are not there so we cannot form any kind of objective judgement. You say your children are v loud.

Do you do anything to control their volume when they are playing outside?

To you they are your world. To your neighbours they are noise machines.

That’s not how children work. 12 years of trying, every day, and my 3 still are occasionally loud.

Teaching kids to behave and not scream/shriek is not clipping their wings - it’s teaching good behaviour.

i had neighbours whose kids would scream all the time when playing outside - irritated the shit out of me

id hate to live next door to you

That's ridiculous. You're saying that people without children have no children in their lives at all ever?

This may blow your mind but I'm childfree, with 3 nieces, and was a primary school teacher for 25 years.

Well the neighbour has every right to do what she wants. She has the right to blast music depending on what the times are in loud music restrictions, as it’s her house. She has the right to play loud music early morning till late at night if she wants. Is it right? No. Is it illegal? No. But well within her rights. She’s obviously fed up with screaming.

You're not seriously suggesting she should be videoing into OPs garden to film children that she thinks are being too loud? Do you actually think that would be reasonable behaviour?
If she wants to lodge a noise complaint that’s exactly what she will be told to do. Get evidence of the nuisance.

OP I don't think your kids sound out of the ordinary and I think a lot on here sound miserable and unreasonable.

You haven’t met them, you don’t know. What matters is, the neighbour thinks it’s unreasonable.

We moved to a country farmhouse.. Small cottage at the side... She reported us for noise...
And ddog poo.
And all sorts of utter crap.
She admitted when I called round she was resentful because she was unable to have dc. Awfully coincidence that she had had the same number of mc 's as we had dc.. She actually got us evicted...

OP - some children are louder than others. ASD etc also make a huge huge difference. Parents who think they have ‘good parented’ their way to quieter more cooperative kids are bloody idiots.

I’m sure you’re trying your very best with your boys and your neighbour sounds bloody batshit crazy.

I’d put in soundproofing to every wall (makes a huge difference) and only let you kids out at set times (told to neighbour in advance). Apologise continuously, profusely. Bring kids in when it gets too loud.

Agree with this. If you can, go for belt & braces soundproofing. It'll make both your lives more tolerable (she won't hear your children, you won't get your ear bent).

Excitable children screaming for long periods of time is very annoying.

Playing music at 4.30am through a toddlers wall is pathetic.

My house backs onto a very large house and a very large family live in it. From 7am - 7pm I listen to their children playing. That’s fine. It’s their garden. But the constant footballs banging, recorders, singing, screaming, screeching does take its toll, when some mornings, I’d like to sleep past 7am.

Although they don’t sound like the best neighbours, part of that problem was you not enjoying living in an environment where kids play outside. OP’s children are perfectly valid to play outside and part of that means they will make noise. Op clearly stated she tries to curtail screaming etc.

By your token, the OP’s neighbour should also move somewhere with older people. Although that isn’t fail safe - she might move next to someone hard of hearing who blasts their TV loud, or someone who has a lot of visitors. As humans we all have to live around other people unless we are very rich. So better to just deal with our own issues eh?

Hardly ‘shoehorning’, entirely pertinent to the fact she doesn’t get what children are like…

My 3 year old has a meltdown today because she asked me to peel her banana and I did. Tantrums are normal and developmentally appropriate so I would ignore every unhelpful and inaccurate comment berating you or telling you their child had none.

Also I know someone who opened their own childcare business from their semi detached house in an inner city location and their business is thriving and been judged as outstanding by Ofsted.

It isn’t illegal. And children do need to be trained, although we tend to call it teaching.

You're not seriously suggesting she should be videoing into OPs garden to film children that she thinks are being too loud? Do you actually think that would be reasonable behaviour?

OP I don't think your kids sound out of the ordinary and I think a lot on here sound miserable and unreasonable.
Kids make noise. Tough shit.

How creepy. Do you often take videos of children you don’t know?