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Original poster

Our new Neighbours and my loud children

485 replies

Marley11 · 15/05/2025 17:53

Hi
I wasn’t sure where to start this thread as it covers two areas but il try here first.

We have recently moved into our dream family home ‘ which is a huge project. We chose it due to the size of the garden for our children , and the large summer house at the bottom.

We have two young boys. Who are lovely, kind boys, but v loud characters. ( 2 & 6 ) one has asd & add. The other just has the loudest & deepest voice 😂. trust me I try to tell them to speak quieter I think it’s impossible . ( They are both in bed by 7 ish pm and both asleep till 7 )

They are just being kids in my opinion . And obviously the odd 3 daily meltdowns from my two year old as I buttered his toast wrong.

But Today she put her radio on at 4.30 am. Blaring through our 2 years old wall. woke us all. The reason in her words “ Was to show me how thin those walls are, As my kids scream and shout in the garden so much making us terrible neighbors “

she has never had children and isn’t keen on them .

my issue is , little does she know I am in the process of setting up as a childminder. But I am now doubting if this is the right choice ….. because of our neighbour !

my question is , would you pre - warn her ? Is there anything she could do to deter me / stop me in setting this business up ? Or would you just set up and not mention it or is this unreasonable to do ? Do I Have to tell her ?

Thank you

OP posts:
Original poster
Marley11 · 15/05/2025 20:34

@Slipperybananaskin thank you for understanding . I was totally second guessing myself with these comments about my son’s volume. But I have tried since he was two years old to understand his volume at times ( he’s ALoT better now ) but like you say adhd they do not understand volume of their voice . And the more I explain or tell him off the more upset he gets overs it . He isn’t outside all day , he watches tv reads plays puzzle games indoors . He has loads of quiet times too.

I think as she doesn’t work or go out she never misses a moment of noise so to her it’s a lot . To me it’s only a small fraction of the day .

OP posts:
Youstolemygoddamnhouse · 15/05/2025 20:32

Marley11 · 15/05/2025 20:23

@Youstolemygoddamnhouse yes course she could have ? As could I ? but as an adult I try to communicate my concerns with people in a different way . The radio playing at 4.30 am was the first time she let me know .

my current job is I work with young people with additional needs and trauma. I understand more than most .

what I’m saying is my children are children and you can not control every single noise

But if she has additional needs she may not be able to communicate with you, that’s the point.

If the children are 2 and 6 then surely they’ll be in playgroup and school throughout the day? So when is the screaming happening?

S0j0urn4r · 15/05/2025 20:32

Does the work on your house require planning permission? Your neighbour could object if so. Have you checked for any covenants preventing operating a business?
She could also complain to environmental health and/or the police about excessive noise.

Original poster
Marley11 · 15/05/2025 20:31

@Merryoldgoat @TheHerboriste glad you two arnt neighbours with each other 😂

ha but yes @Merryoldgoat i think I dealt with her petty radio playing very amicably. Surprised myself 😂

OP posts:
Slipperybananaskin · 15/05/2025 20:29

I think the fact your son has ASD/ADHD means it's extremely hard to keep him quiet if he's anything like my son. Kids with ADHD struggle to moderate the volume of their voice and it isn't just something that can be taught like people are suggesting. She is being completely unreasonable and childish blaring the radio, she could have just had a polite word with you. I wouldn't change your childminding plans based on an unfriendly neighbor.

TheHerboriste · 15/05/2025 20:29

Merryoldgoat · 15/05/2025 20:09

Ok. I’m not an especially nice or patient person so appreciate this might not be palatable. I’d go over knock on the door and tell her children are part of life, they make noise from time to time and she’s going to have to get used to it. And if she wants to be a petty cow you’ll show her her arse.

She’s a bully. She’s not used to being stood up to. Put her in her place.

Stupid arsehole.

If you came over to tell me that you'd be video-ed as part of my dossier for the council, told to fuck off and had the door shut in your face.

Charmofgoldfinch · 15/05/2025 20:28

It sounds like it’s the volume and duration of loud noise which is irritating your neighbour OP, regardless of the source. You do need to try and control the noise and be considerate to their needs - they do have the right to quiet enjoyment of their own home and garden too. You may need to check with your council re: planning permission for your childminding business, and also your deeds for covenants regarding running a business at home. If you do need planning permission for change of use your neighbour will be consulted so you are best getting them on side now

TheHerboriste · 15/05/2025 20:24

Youstolemygoddamnhouse · 15/05/2025 20:13

I said whatever the restrictions times are where you live. Some areas differ. Here, it’s 6am to 11pm. So yes, between them times she can play loud music all she wants. Outside of that is unreasonable. I would honestly think carefully how you proceed with this. These situations can escalate quickly. With a new house and new business it seems you have more to lose than her if things did get bad. Plus records of noise complaints both sides will show up when selling houses.

Show quote history

I wouldn't do 4:30am but you can bet those kids would be taking their naps to the most annoying music I could get my hands on, played at the same decibel level as their screaming and screeching. For hours.

Original poster
Marley11 · 15/05/2025 20:23

@Youstolemygoddamnhouse yes course she could have ? As could I ? but as an adult I try to communicate my concerns with people in a different way . The radio playing at 4.30 am was the first time she let me know .

my current job is I work with young people with additional needs and trauma. I understand more than most .

what I’m saying is my children are children and you can not control every single noise

OP posts:
Yellowstickerstalker · 15/05/2025 20:23

Teach your children to think of others. You don’t have the right to disturb everyone else peace just because you have chosen to have kids.
And yes I am a parent too, of a child who is very physical but I would never dream of letting her scream and shout.
I think if you wanted to set up as a childminder then the best way to do this would have been to show consideration for your neighbours from the outset. I guess you could still do this but with the proviso that you take the kids out and about. We have a huge noisy family on our street and it’s caused everyone so much stress and anxiety. Not being able to relax in your own home is awful.

TheHerboriste · 15/05/2025 20:21

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 15/05/2025 19:21

How creepy. Do you often take videos of children you don’t know?

Show quote history

I wouldn't video the kids in their back garden but anything out front, including the comings and goings of the childminding clients, is OK. If the parents, autos, kids, etc. are making noise out there or otherwise encroaching on my quiet enjoyment of my home, you can bet I am going to record it to build my case for the council.

godmum56 · 15/05/2025 20:20

I find it intersting that the OP actually put the word "noisy" in her post title

Original poster
Marley11 · 15/05/2025 20:20

@Theboymolefoxandhorse @rainbowsandraspberrygin rthank you for these responses. It’s made me feel a lot better about the whole situation.

I have thought today it isn’t worth setting up. But yes you are right I do think if it wasn’t that it would be something else she will eventually find to moan about.

yea I will look into sound proofing and try to make amends with her despite my feelings of her waking us all at 4.30 am.

I don’t think she would understand asd although I think it’s his adhd that makes him as bouncy as he is . I kind of didn’t want to explain to her too much about my children and their needs, other than apologise and say I will try my best to get them to stop shouting so much .

I work really hard to keep my children grounded and not out of control. But if I’m cooking etc and they are playing in the garden I can’t at all times stop them shouting . But yeah thanks iv taken all this on board for a way to move forward thank you

OP posts:
Youstolemygoddamnhouse · 15/05/2025 20:19

Marley11 · 15/05/2025 19:59

if you think it’s funny to wake a 2 year old up at 4.30 am , and a child with additional needs who needs as much sleep as possible for a good day. Then you are as crazy as her .

my noise our noise is not malicious. @YearlySubscriptionRenewal

Your neighbour might have additional needs you considered that? Having a child with that you can surely have some empathy?

Calmdownpeople · 15/05/2025 20:18

Marley11 · 15/05/2025 19:17

@RandomWordsThrownTogether thank you

yes I’m not offended by the comments regarding my two year old and I should teach him more as 3 melt downs a day is quite good for a two year old 😂

thanks for your response

yes I will check with the council

i want to be able to set up my business and get along with my neighbour and respect her peace but also for her to understand we bought our home for the freedom to do these things .

No three melt downs a day from a two year old isn’t good. It’s excessive and yes I have children and no they didn’t have meltdowns or tantrums.

Namechangean · 15/05/2025 20:18

Sparklebelle1024 · 15/05/2025 18:13

I’m not saying you are but we live on a lovely street and have one set of ahole neighbours who allow their young kids to SCREAM out in the garden all summer long, every year without fail, normal children playing noise is absolutely fine but these kids are feral and all they do is scream and screech all day long and the parents don’t even attempt to stop them from doing it. It’s miserable during the summer. My Asd ds really struggles and it does send HIM into meltdowns which I have to then calm him down and that’s not fair. They aren’t the “approachable” type either, think domestic violence, police, alcohol and the parents screaming at each other too!! I feel sorry for these kids but I really wish their parents would PARENT them and I know I’m not the only household in the street who feels this way from talking to my other neighbours who are all lovely!!

Im in the same position. Rough looking family, who I imagine wouldn’t take too kindly to me saying something all stand out on the street and 4/5 kids run up and down screeching and screaming. I work from home. They literally ruined the house for us and we’re going to have to move as soon as we can

godmum56 · 15/05/2025 20:17

YearlySubscriptionRenewal · 15/05/2025 20:14

"normal noise" when bringing kids seems to mean very different things for different parents.

Excessive noise is not acceptable, full stop.

Show quote history

yup, more to the point, excessive noise at any time of day is a nuisance whatever the cause. Yes children are expected to make a certain amount of noise but every day or most days for long periods and constant screaming can be a noise nuisance and treated as such...especially if its noise created by a business in a private home.

YearlySubscriptionRenewal · 15/05/2025 20:16

Marley11 · 15/05/2025 19:59

if you think it’s funny to wake a 2 year old up at 4.30 am , and a child with additional needs who needs as much sleep as possible for a good day. Then you are as crazy as her .

my noise our noise is not malicious. @YearlySubscriptionRenewal

Did you wait until she made noise at 4.30am to notice or realise your children were being excessively loud? What are you doing about it?

"children will be children" is not an answer. Children will behave the way their parents raise them.

Anxioustealady · 15/05/2025 20:15

Outrageistheopiateofthemasses · 15/05/2025 18:46

Also, your kids are just being kids. Her actions were malicious. She would permanently be saying goodbye to any chance of a weekend lie in if she did that to me.

I think that ship has already sailed lol

TheHerboriste · 15/05/2025 20:14

Marley11 · 15/05/2025 19:09

@TheHerboriste we bought this house as the garden is big enough they don’t need to go to the park to run off steam. They are lucky enough to be able to do that in their garden

children should be seen and not heard is a long dated parenting way now.

I do respect her peace and I was respectful to her complaint and I am working harder to keep the noise down

bur no it is not antisocial noise

it is just normal noise of excited boys

The reason so many public parks exist in neighbourhoods where houses are terraced or otherwise close together is that planners realized that people living in close quarters didn't need loud playing and sport right near their windows. Parks are a place for children and others to let off steam AWAY from the living quarters of other people.

The size of your garden is absolutely irrelevant if it's near someone else's doors and windows.

Children should never be "heard" shrieking and screaming or doing "free loud happy."

YearlySubscriptionRenewal · 15/05/2025 20:14

rainbowsandraspberrygin · 15/05/2025 19:59

I think OP mentioned it as background - to evidence that the neighbour hasn’t experienced bringing up kids and the normal noise this entails!!

Show quote history

"normal noise" when bringing kids seems to mean very different things for different parents.

Excessive noise is not acceptable, full stop.

Namechangean · 15/05/2025 20:13

I was on your side until you said screaming. Kids on my street scream and their parents don’t say anything to them, even though they’re out there with them. It makes me feel murderous. I can’t lie. It’s a horrible sound. Teach your kids that loud play is reasonable but screaming is unfair on your neighbours.

Youstolemygoddamnhouse · 15/05/2025 20:13

Marley11 · 15/05/2025 19:32

@Youstolemygoddamnhouse i think 430 is illegal.

ny children make noise at 4 pm I’m sure that is not

I understand her and I are living completely different lives

I said whatever the restrictions times are where you live. Some areas differ. Here, it’s 6am to 11pm. So yes, between them times she can play loud music all she wants. Outside of that is unreasonable. I would honestly think carefully how you proceed with this. These situations can escalate quickly. With a new house and new business it seems you have more to lose than her if things did get bad. Plus records of noise complaints both sides will show up when selling houses.

ButterCrackers · 15/05/2025 20:12

Check the exact hours that are acceptable for noise. Outside of this time keep it quiet. It sounds like the walls are thin so find out about insulation

Merryoldgoat · 15/05/2025 20:09

Ok. I’m not an especially nice or patient person so appreciate this might not be palatable. I’d go over knock on the door and tell her children are part of life, they make noise from time to time and she’s going to have to get used to it. And if she wants to be a petty cow you’ll show her her arse.

She’s a bully. She’s not used to being stood up to. Put her in her place.

Stupid arsehole.