To feel peeved house guests don't bring anything

This is a classic case of one person finding it hard to say no and the other having no problem in asking.
What I found I'd it's hard to say no the first time. Then the world doesn't end and it becomes easier.

Only one thing you can do.
Tell her she is taking advantage of your kindness. She never says thank you, never helps clean up, never offers to pay for anything and you are just the help instead of a friend. And then say its not happening anymore

Likely she already knows this and is seeing ho long she can get away with it.

I voted YABU as you're behaving like an absolute martyr which is pathetic in a grown woman. You can say no. You don't want to do this, you resent the one-sided effort (so would I). I would say "Sorry, not this time" and keep saying that.

What do your family think of this imposition into their home space?

It's up to you whether you carry on feeling aggrieved or whether you bring this friendship back into balance and start standing up for yourself.

We had a 'friend' like this . We live in an beautiful part of Spain, she would invite herself 4/5 times a year for a long weekend or even weeks in the holidays. She and her family would take over my house with no consideration for us . Last year after a particular long visit and not a thank you from her I cut her off completely, told her exactly what she had put us through the last few years and never to contact me again. My life is so much better for it ....get you voice and tell her the truth .

I’m guessing you fell into this situation because you liked het and genuinely wanted to help. However, she has either knowingly or unknowingly or unknowingly taken advantage of the situation. She probably doesn’t even realise that she’s doing anything wrong.

You either sit her down and tell her this isn’t working for you anymore or you say ‘no that weekend doesn’t work for us’ on repeat until she gets it!

I think maybe you need to spell it out to her.
No you cannot come and stay.
We are never invited to yours to stay in return.
You do not pay your own way when you are here. It is now disruptive to my family.

Point out a local hotel she is welcome to book into if she wants to visit.

She doesn't actually sound like a good friend. What do you get from it?

Do you invite her or does she invite herself? Just tell her that you are too busy for the next few months, if you don't want to tell her the truth.

You certainly shouldn't keep having her to stay. It's really bad manners not to bring some sort of gift to than your hosts.

“You’re coming to town? That’s great! Give me a call when you get to your hotel and we’ll see if we have time to catch up.”

You have mug written all over your face . Tell her NO.

What would you do? Tell her we're not hosting them

Yes.

'X sorry, the answer is going to be no...we are stopping having house guests-it was feeling like people were really taking the piss and using us as a free hotel in London. People invite themselves to stay, don't bring so much as a bottle of wine, expect me to cook or pay for the food and drinks all weekend and look after their kids whilst they have a lie in! If you wanted to meet up at the park for a picnic whilst you're in London though-that would be great. Let me know.'

This is about the 5th thread this morning I've read where I've thought, 'just use your words!' which would stop the OP being used/taken advantage of/being martyred.

You're not her friend, you're her hotel.
All the money she's saved by staying with you, and she can't be bothered to even bring a token bottle or gift. 🤔

Whatever date she's suggesting for her next stay, "sorry, we can't do that". And repeat. And again. Until the penny drops.
She's a gold standard CF. Not really a friend.

I know it's easier said than done to flat out say no, especially if you want to remain friends. But time to come up with an excuse why you can't do this so often anymore. Is she allergic to any pets? 😛

So next time it’s a breezy sorry that weekend won’t work for us, if she gives other dates just say ok that might work but I won’t be able to afford to feed you so can you chip in please, oh and would you like to do the washing up after please etc etc

If you want to retain the friendship but do so on different terms I think you need to be completely straight with her. Some of these MN replies are extreme and would result in the loss of the friendship.

I would start before she leaves this time by asking (nicely) for a contribution to the costs of food. Explain that the costs of hosting have escalated and that you really can't continue having her to stay unless she pays for her share of the expenses. It may make her think twice about coming again. If she says she can't afford to pay now, then suggest a payment plan - I doubt she would have the cheek to plan to come again unless she had paid you back.

No is a complete sentence.

Just tell her you are taking a break from hosting. Say you've been hosting family and friends most weekends and would like a break from it - actually shall we come to you for a change?

Ask her to go to shops for wine and food… and say no for future visits. She’s a cf.

YABU - you have the power to put a stop to this.
Say something! Otherwise it'll drag on forever.

It's very difficult the first time you do it but you have to start saying no. If she turns up say "Oh, no, you can't stay tonight" or "Great to see you but we are busy today" You don't have to say why, just that it's not a good time me. If she does stay then beforehand tell her that it's her turn to treat you all to a meal out. If she says she can't afford it, tell her you're in the same boat. Drip feed how inconvenient it is to have her there, how she needs to contribute and feel strong enough to just say no.

YABU for enabling it

Is it the cost? Lack of effort? Lack of reciprocity?

Effort is the easiest. "Friend, can you do x whilst I do y?" "Can you do x, please?" (Basically phrase it as a polite instruction with little room to say no.)

Reciprocity. "Wed like to come to you for a change. I'm getting a bit stir-crazy and could do with a change of scenery. Oh don't worry about the cat, I'll fill myself up with anti histamines and risk it!"

Cost. "Oh, sorry, we really can't have you to stay this month. We've over-spent and our cupboards are bare! Unless you can chip in? No? Oh well, another time then."

Say no, I can't host anymore, it's too much for me.
why on earth are you making them food and catering to their child's needs? let her do it.

10 years of being taken advantage of. No wonder you're resentful.

This isn't a friendship is it? In any way shape or form.

You CAN say no. Practice saying it until it comes naturally to you

Why are you allowing this to keep happening and not speaking to your friend about it?
There's no point just passively going along with things in real life and then coming to MN to fume about it.

There are so many posts recently with people just meekly allowing other people to treat them like shit and not saying anything for fear of upsetting them ... these people dont care about how rude or imposing they are to you so why are you so concerned with protecting their feelings?

Tell them? A true friend will be mortified and put it right. A fair weather one will be gone.