In a relationship with a man who can’t cook AT ALL

Baked potatoes with toppings?

Can he heat up nice things from cook and serve them to you? He doenst need to cook from scratch if healthy? Or do as other said and say you need to feel partnership is equal and you’d like him to master a few healthy tasty dishes at least scrambled eggs on Toast and chili and spaghetti bol

I don’t agree, actually! I think you have to be able to cook to use recipe boxes.

Can’t… or won’t? In today’s world of YouTube absolutely anyone (bar some physical and mental disabilities) can cook a simple meal. Even if it’s just as simple as putting chicken in the oven with some rosemary, microwaving a sweet potato and boiling green beans.

Id also question if he didn’t care about his health at all.

If absolutely everything else was perfect I wouldn’t break up but I would expect him to learn 10 meals, healthy ones, that he could cook that we are both happy to eat and can be fed to children. He’d need to do cook once a week to demonstrate this before I got pregnant and he’d need to take another chore. Eg, before my husband got sick I hadn’t done a load of laundry in 8 years and in return he only cooked if I was sick or busy.

Before we married 31 years ago my DH told me one serious failing of mine that I needed to change, and I told him what he needed to address on his side.

We turned the situation around pretty fast. It was the sign for both of us that the other person was serious about the relationship.

Tell him, and judge him by his response.

Can he do other practical things? Laundry, DIY etc?

Ds wasnt a competent cook, he didn't starve, id taught him the basics but wasnt good. He now has a partner who brooks no nonsense about this. He got quite adventurous with eating and she made it quite clear that if he wanted interesting food and wanted to live together then he better learn. They do Gousto, which has taught him a lot. They cook together, he watches food you tubes and tiktoks. He's a pretty decent cook now. Still won't eat onions.

Not if they can’t cook and are picky eaters…

Boxes like Gousto or Hello Fresh are great for those who "can't" cook.

Presumably he could?

Since the OP asked the question over a year ago, I presume she has now made her decision and no longer needs opinions on what she should or should not do.

But presumably you could feed yourself and your children if you had to?

You can lead a horse to water…

He doesn’t want to learn. If this is a dealbreaker for you, then the deal is broken.
He’s telling you in no uncertain terms that you’d be doing all the cooking if you move forward with this relationship.

He doesn’t want to learn. If it’s a dealbreaker then you have to decide what to do.

I loathe and detest cooking so I don’t do it. I think it’s a massive waste of my time.

You will get people accusing him of being a man child etc but you can’t make him do something

Absent the millions and the staff, there is nothing attractive about a man who can’t feed his children. Or, indeed, himself.

Depends on the package rather than the individual skills if you've got any common sense.

Partnering up with someone who can't do basics can be dismal. But there are easy solutions to that.

What there aren't easy solutions to are things like partnering up with someone who earns enough cash (either on their own or in combination with you) to afford a lifestyle you want.

So call me a bit mercenary, but to me someone who earns enough cash when in combination with me allows a great house, send the kids to private school and entertains me on the yacht three times a year is very much more valuable difficult to find than someone who can cook.

Each to their own of course.

I wouldn’t want a relationship with someone who wasn’t a grown up. Being able to cook (not talking cordon bleu-just to a reasonable standard) is a fundamental life skill.

This would give me the ick. My 8 and 11 year old boys can cook. They will read recipe books or Google anything if they get stuck or need to navigate different measurements etc

Does he want to change this or has he no interest what so ever? Its a pretty crucial life skill. I definitely wouldn't want to raise children with someone who always wanted me to cook and stock the fridge etc it's such a big and often boring task. I love that my husband takes all that mental load of me.

OK - so if it's a dealbreaker - dump him! He probably can cook - he doesn't want to and thats fine - thats on him, and if thats your line, then fine too, no one is asking you to marry him. Why are you trying to change him? It's going to be shit if you hate him for not doing this while he is blissfully unaware this is a dealbreaker for you - then you'll pay for an expensive divorce. For what.

Of course he can cook. He just doesn’t want to. Find an easy recipe you like the look of, hand it to him and say “Please make this on Saturday night. Thank you.”

Fine for a casual relationship. Not find for a long term or live in relationship, and especially not kids.

He’ll have to go on a basic cooking course or something if he can’t just pick it up from recipes/ watching others like most people do. Or he could watch cookery programmes on TV. Not to become some fancy master chef (which is annoying too) but to be a normal competent adult.

Tell him it’s a deal breaker - not a sniff of even moving in together til he’s sorted himself to do half the cooking to a decent standard (not master chef just every day cooking, like women do it).

This would give me the total ick. There’s no such thing as can’t cook. If you can read you can cook. Plenty of books take you back to the basics. And YouTube tutorials too.

He should at least try, recipes on simple scrambled eggs on you-tube (and plenty other easy stuff), in 40-50 years time you'll look back and think he never did cook a meal, it's all been on my shoulders (plus looking after the children) is that what you'd be happy with ?

Bollocks he can’t cook. If he can read he can cook.

Incidentally, I don’t think meal boxes are the way forward. Apart from being expensive and ruinous to the environment, I really think you have to be able to cook at least a bit….

He is being lazy. He knows you won't eat ketchup and noodles but he isn't offering you any other food

He could easily grab ready made up stir fry veg and noodles and chuck in some pre cooked chicken